Tuesday, June 19, 2012

To My Uncle Ed

We’re a loud and chatty and impossibly fun family, and Uncle Ed has always been a part of that. Uncle Ed wasn’t as loud as a lot of us are, but he was always able to cut through the noise with a keen observation or curious question, bantering with the best. It was the time he and I spent chatting the few times a year we’d get together that I’ll truly miss the most. He gave some of the best hugs ever. And that beard was legendary. He also had a gift for finding the coolest books – he found an author by my name once and proceeded to give and send me three of her books to add to my collection. Whether at my parents’ summer picnic, the annual Christmas party at Eileen’s or my occasional visit to Burlington, Uncle Ed and I always spent time chatting. And thanks to the magic of facebook, he always knew what was going on in my life. He helped me become a Red Sox fan transplant to Philadelphia, warning me of the dangers of Phillies-fan-dom. He got a call once for Comcast, my biggest client in Philly, and said he didn’t want to mention my name, since he didn’t want to brag that he knew me. He even got to know Dylan a bit last summer, and got to joking around with him on facebook as well. It meant a lot to me that he took such an interest in my life and always made sure I knew it.

From reading the messages from all his friends and family, I know that I was not alone in feeling this special bond with Uncle Ed. He lived his life simply, but fuller and more richly than many on this earth, making it about the connections he had and the lives he touched. I think all of us cousins, and his amazing kids Henry and Natalie, all got a bit of his sense of humor in our own. A wry observation, a good pun or a play on words will always remind me of Uncle Ed. His passing has made all of us cry, but I think he’d want us to remember how he’s made us all laugh hundreds of times over. That laughter and caring spirit is what will always stay with us, until the day we meet again. And just think, by the time we get to Heaven, Uncle Ed will have all the good bakeries and coffee shops scoped out and he’ll show us all around. We’ll love you always, Uncle Ed.
__________


I'm on the bus now to meet Josh and Kristi in Albany. We're going to go get some pizza and then I'm going to hang out with Meredith at my parents' house. To be honest, I could really use a drink. The past couple of days have been really crazy, and I wish I didn't feel this loss as deeply as I have, but maybe it's a good thing. Maybe it means it will get easier in time. Or maybe that's a crock, and I'll always feel loss like I do now. Tomorrow's the visiting hours and service. The words above are what I've written to read. I wanted to make a tribute somehow, because Uncle Ed was really one of my favorite relatives and meant a lot to me. I feel the worst for Natalie and Henry. I can't imagine losing my father at their age. Well, I can't imagine losing my father at my age. I know it'll happen someday, but I hope it's long after I'm married and my kids have gotten ample time to get to know and hang out with their Grandpa Ed. Natalie and Henry will never get that and that makes me so sad. I'm staying overnight in Vermont on Wednesday night so I can attend the burial on Thursday. And hopefully, have some time to hang out with my cousins. I want to see what they are all doing tomorrow night. Maybe this will give us some time to be with each other some more. This whole thing is making me think I need to work harder at knowing my family. They're the only ones I will ever have and they mean so much to me.

I also need to get something for my mom. I can't imagine losing my brother and this must be the hardest of all on her (in our family). Uncle Ed was such a strong presence in everyone's life, it'll be weird at family events now without him.

One good thing is that this has kind of put the whole work stress in perspective. And everyone from the office has been very supportive. Rob even gave me a hug :) They're good people, and I'm lucky to have them. And I'm lucky to have all of the family I'm off to see. Here goes.

Friday, June 15, 2012

Week 24

This week was pretty great. I did a 45 minute elliptical run, a good portion of my cardio jam class along with my 30 min. run. Thursday, my company had a picnic, so I was up early to head to Northern Jersey to play volleyball and frisbee. I drank beer that day, but only had 5 in 10 hours, so I don't think I did a bad job of keeping things in check!

I didn't get to weigh myself this week, but I'm going to pretend I'm holding strong at 211 until my real weigh in.

Fun things to come!

Weight- 211 lbs (ish...)
30 Min. Run- 2.71 (still down .04 from my high)
Pounds from goal- 27 lbs

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Attitude is everything. And also money.

Side note, preface-thingy: yesterday, I felt awful. I wanted to move away and start a new life. I felt like a failure in every way. I couldn't even watch TV without my brain telling me all the things that were wrong with my life. And then this is today:

OMG. Today has kicked yesterday's ASS. I don't know what my problem was yesterday. Scratch that. I do know what it was. I was second guessing myself. I was taking things personally, and I was letting negative thoughts overtake my brain. Today, I have taken charge of the world and it is MINE! I've talked, hung out, gone on walks, brought my own lunch, and am about ready to hit the gym for a good old fashioned RUN. I am so psyched for life today, which is the exact opposite of how I felt yesterday. Today, nothing can stop me. I think it's all about attitude. The thing I've noticed about the two really good days that I've had this week has been that I've come in with a plan. Just a simple plan to make an effort to talk to the people around me. Obviously things escalated from the plan, and have gone well from there, but I think the attitude of having a plan makes things worlds better.

Maybe I should start every day like that. I don't know if I would absolutely need that, but I do need to remind myself that I'm worthy and smart and funny sometimes. Dylan does a good job of reminding me too. I can't believe how upset I was last night, and how things seem so much better and brighter today. I guess I am no longer the bright, shiny, positive person I am EVERY day. But I certainly am today.

One of the things that is on my mind today is saving money. If I can start bringing in salads or wraps from Trader Joe's instead of buying my lunch out everyday, I think I can save myself at least $20 per week. Maybe $30. And with ceasing the organic produce delivery for the time being, I'm eating less fruit, but I am able to snack on baby carrots and cherry tomatoes for only about $3 a week from Sue's. And buying salad stuff for home only costs another $8-$10 a week which saves me $15. That's $45 in my pocket right there, just from eating smarter! And with Dylan and I going out less (or him getting paid more and paying for us more!), I think I can work to pay down my credit card this summer and save the money I need for our vacation to Atlantic City this fall.

I'm hoping our other trips this summer can be low-budget. Aside from gas and tolls, we'll be doing a lot of meals with family, and like Kaela's mom's party, catered by others! I will make sure to pack lots of yummy road snacks from Trader Joe's and the odd order of fries from a rest stop won't kill our budget. The more I figure out where my money is going, the more I feel like I could really run a household and a family someday. It's a very empowering feeling. And to someday have BOTH of our incomes to use and plan with- well, gosh, that will be just heaven on earth. I'm sure we won't ever have more money than we know what to do with, or fatty fat fat savings and trusts for our children, but I have a feeling we'll be doing alright for ourselves pretty soon down the line.

And gosh, I know Dylan sleeping over last night was nice. He really makes me happy. I can't wait to spend my life making him happy too. That's it. My sappy romantic blurt is over.

Back to money! I joined Pear a few months back, a really cool budgeting website. I've been supremely diligent about inputting all of my expenses, but I haven't actually gone through and revised my budget or analyzed my spending. I think I might need some help with that. Maybe my mom or Dylan would be able to take a look and advise me. I think I'll be able to tell where I'm going over in spending (TRAVEL! CLOTHING!) but I'm not sure really what to do about that except to adjust my budget to account for the things I need to spend. To be honest, I don't buy THAT many clothes. And I think I only budgeted $500 for each for the year, and that doesn't seem like that much when you break it down by month.

Something I always want to be able to do is go out to dinner. It doesn't have to be at fancy places, but it is my biggest indulgence, and I'd gladly give up take out and restaurant lunches to be able to go out to dinner every now and then. I think it's time to set some financial goals! Stand by. (But not really, because it won't be for a few days!)

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Week 23



The first full week back at work, and I worked out 4 times! Plus a little circuit action this morning :) Last weekend was full of eating, but this week, I think I did rather well. I said no to bagels for the most part, made a healthy lunch choice and said no to sweets even on the day I was SOOOO tired, and paced myself (portion control!) the night boyfriend and I ate tacos! The digital scale at the gym is broken, so I used the old fashioned one, which seemed accurate, I hope, because it means I'm 2 and a half pounds down since before vacation!

I'm excited for my run next week because I want to kick this week's ass! And it's almost time to see my trainer again, but I haven't seen him around the gym to schedule something with him! I guess I'll ask at the desk next week. Happy weekend, all!

Weight- 211 lbs (ish...)
30 Min. Run- 2.72 (up .12 from last week, down .03 from my high)
Pounds from goal- 27 lbs

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Week 22

Well this week it was back to work and back to the gym! I got in a few circuits at home during my vacation and Bob and I did an hour long cardio class the day of the wedding rehearsal. The cardio class was awesome! And aside from a few meals/days, I felt like I made good choices overall during vacation.

My week back, I did my 30 minute run and one day of my new circuit from my trainer. I meant to go to cardio jam and do another circuit Friday, but things got hectic. Because I was only at the gym a couple of times this week, I didn't actually weigh myself! So I'm reporting only my measly 30 minute run, that included LOTS of walking, despite that cardio class and lots of walking, I felt kind of out of shape. And to be honest, a little shaky! I'm trying to find a good balance during the week where I can cut out calories, but still feel equipped to work out.

Looking forward to a productive week of work and workouts next week- and lots of healthy eating!

Weight- ??? (we'll see next week!)
30 Min. Run- 2.60 (interval training, but w/ lots of walking! down .15 from the week before last)
Pounds from goal- ???