Wednesday, February 27, 2013

February Fitness Update

February has been busy and full of it's own challenges (new medicine that makes me sleepy, back pain, sore ankle, crazy work days), but I've kept on track with working out and ALMOST hit my target of 20 workouts for the month! Due to the changes and obstacles that life is throwing my way, I've decided to take a new approach to March's workout calendar and goals. Instead of saying, I'm going to work out THIS MANY TIMES, I will instead set a goal of minutes or hours for the month and try to hit that. That way, when I work out in a 90 minute yoga class or 60 minute cardio class, I'm getting the same bang for my buck for my goals as I am in terms of calories and health benefits. My goal for next month will be 150 minutes a week and we'll see how that goes!

My eating habits have been about the same. I've been eating whole and nutritious food for the most part, and investing in produce, healthy snacks (like dried fruit and almonds) and even healthier indulgences (like banana chips, toasted coconut and dark chocolate). I've still been cooking myself curries and stir fries to bring for lunch and eating salads and veggie rich meals for dinner. I want to start cooking myself breakfast some days during the week as an alternative to my daily yogurt and granola habit, but the afore-mentioned new meds have kind of been jamming up my mornings. But they have been making my anxiety/depression almost non-existent, so I am giving myself a pass on that and if yogurt and granola is it, that yogurt and granola it is!

The habit I've realized may have been sabotaging my weight loss goals is that I've been focusing so much on healthy snacking that that's what I've been doing: SNACKING. Even during February when I ate for almost the whole month gluten-free, I was still eating fruit, dried fruit, nuts, lara bars, corn chips, popcorn, yogurt, coconut, chocolate, anything you can think of. So, my diet focus for March will be to eat only when I'm hungry NOT when I'm bored or just feel like eating.

Lastly, I am going to try very hard during March to eliminate talking about my weight, size or shape as much as possible. I found myself more and more complaining about those things over and over again to people who just don't need to hear about it, and I'm ready for that to stop. So those are my goals:

1. Workout 150 minutes per week, or 30 minutes per week day.
2. Eat only when hungry, not when bored.
3. Do not talk about weight or size for the month.
4. Lose 5 pounds: weigh 192 or less by March 31

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Do You Worry About How Interesting You Are? Because I Do...

I was in the shower last night and realized that I'm not very interesting. Yes, I can carry on interesting conversations with people, and talk about things that are beyond my daily routine, but for the most part, the things that are on my mind are my own concerns: my money, my health and body, my relationships and my job. And outside of that, what do I have?

Well, let's see. I like to read. I like music. I like going to concerts and downloading new singers and musicians, but I don't make music anymore. I like art and finding new artists, but I'm not particularly knowledgeable about any of them, nor do I make it a point to seek out art in my day to day life. I even stopped going to sketch class on Mondays and Wednesdays. I like cooking and dining out, but I don't think I know enough about gourmet food to be considered a true "foodie". And I love wine, but I'm definitely not up to speed enough about wines to be considered an expert on that. I enjoy political discussions, but I'm not informed enough. I love traveling, but I don't make or save enough money to do it regularly.

I guess what I'm saying is that I like a lot of things, but I don't think I'm particularly great at any one thing or pursue anything with abandon enough to say that I have a passion. So that most of the time, my brain is not consumed with any deep amazing thoughts that keep me in a state of thinking and thinking, I'm mostly pondering what I should do about my credit card debt and how I shouldn't have bought those concert tickets yesterday, even though it's going to be an amazing time.

I don't know if this means I should pick something to be passionate about and pursue it, or if I'm ok leading a life without that kind of fire for say ART! Or WINE! Cause I'm an ART PERSON! OR A WINE PERSON! Also, with all of my time spent seeing friends, running errands, going to the gym and working, I don't know when I would find extra time to put into something that I'm assuming would take a lot of extra time.

My dear friend Kaela volunteers as the Executive Director now (she has risen high in the ranks) of the Boho Theater Company in Chicago and spends many hours every week meeting, planning, coordinating, attending rehearsals or auditions and anything else that needs to be done. She does this in addition to her day job AND her school work (she is getting her masters degree currently). I cannot fathom how she finds the time for everything and still has time for herself.

I was actually thinking of applying to get a masters degree myself last year, before I made the decision to pursue writing at my company. I knew it would be a lot of work, and I vowed that I would still find time for all the things I loved. But to be honest, I don't know if I could have done it and still kept up with everything I want to do. At this point in my life, I am happy supplementing my knowledge and degree with conferences, meetup groups, articles and books: things that are manageable in pieces and do not span months or years of my life.

But this brings me back to the place where I still worry that I am not interesting enough. That I am not passionate enough about any one thing to be a person with passion. Does it count to be passionately in love with one's partner? Does being in love make you interesting? I'm thinking the world of single people thinks it does not. And I think it makes people glad that you're in a relationship that makes you happy, but they don't wish to see you more because of it. They don't say "Oh Amanda was cool before, but ever since she got that boyfriend, she's been AWESOME to hang out with!"

I guess to broaden that concept a bit more, I could simply be passionate about my relationships. I think that's what it's all about anyway. That's what I could dwell on in the dark of night: how to strengthen my relationships with my friends, my family, my boyfriend, my coworkers. That's something that's important to me. And whether or not that makes me interesting, I guess will just have to be determined later. I could take all of my little interests and infuse them into my relationships in little ways thereby making them bigger by the communities of which they're a part. And that doesn't sound half bad.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Let's Not Talk About Money, M'k?

I cannot believe how fast these days are going by. They're great days, and I'm having lots of fun and learning a lot, but they're just flying by me like nothing else. We're almost at the end of February. This weekend is Callan's birthday, next weekend is our night with Liza and Janire, and the weekend after that, I'll be in San Francisco! After that, time will keep flying and we'll be doing our sexy photoshoot for Jess' birthday, then my conference, then hanging with Anya and Jeff and Jen and Mark in NY and then it's almost April!

Whew. I need to take a breath. I feel like I'm in overdrive a little bit. The good news is I'm doing well with everything. My health, my body, my brain, my work, my friends, my family, everything seems to be in balance. A negative person might think that this is a sign that something is about to go wrong. The optimist that I am thinks that negative person might be right, but damn it, I don't care because my life is great right now and that's all I have to worry about. That's the attitude I try to keep, anyway.

I love looking back at the past 4 years and seeing how far I've come from the scared, heavy set, stressed out, confused girl who was somehow full of wonder and awe at all of the opportunity and the world around her. That girl was too scared by her bosses to sit in and contribute in a Zip Car meeting. That girl who was not too scared to take off to New York City without a place to stay on a Friday night, knowing it would all work out. That girl was me, and I'm proud of who she was.

She's grown up a lot. Boy, when I look back on all the mistakes I made with my money back then...and my bills...and my life. But that was just part of growing up. Now, I know to stock money away into savings, pay off my credit cards when I can, and not to rack up too much excessive debt, although as I learned even this year, I suck at following my own rules sometimes!

By reading blogs and paying close attention to my debt and bottom lines, the important thing that I'm gaining this year is an overall awareness of my financial state that was just coming into being a few years ago. Seeing how far I've come since college is an even more drastic change. I don't know how I lived like I did, leeching off of my loans and making big purchases and never looking back. I was not accountable for my actions and it manifested itself in debt and poor life choices. But now, 6 or 7 years later, I am worlds farther than I was back then and making rather good choices.

I'm working on pumping up my 401K, my savings account, and paying off my credit card debt. Less than $1800 to go on that last one. And then, I am doing my best to stay credit card debt free for 1 year. That is one of my goals. In that time, I should be able to build up a healthy emergency fund of a few thousand dollars for things that come up and then I'll never have to rely on my credit cards again, except to help build my credit and earn me free flights! That was not such a bad bonus of getting my Southwest credit card, though my overzealous use of the card and racking up $2500 in debt was not so fun.

I'm on an unofficial shopping hiatus right now. I am only buying: food, pet supplies, toiletries, household essentials and occasional dining/drinking out. Otherwise, all of my money will go to bills and savings. This is going to be hard with traveling, but I think it'll be worth it once I hit $1000 in my savings account and (gasp) maybe even can take some out of there to use for trips in between paychecks. It's hard right now, since I'm paying back my two (TWO) 401K loans and I just increased my 401K contributions AAAAND taxes went up for 2013. So my paycheck looks and feels pretty measly. But I'm probably getting a raise (fingers crossed) in March and HOPEFULLY a bonus to help eradicate a bit more of my credit card debt. And then, a few months later, my loans will be paid off and I'll have more money to put towards my goals. My new money mantra: MAKE IT TO AUGUST.

Monday, February 18, 2013

Just, you know, a regular Monday... :)

It's Monday! And I didn't have a bad day! Even though I slept in! And I had a shit ton to do! And I made it to the gym! And ran all of my errands! And I'm making dinner for Dylan and me! It's Monday and everything is OK! I can't take these things for granted because just a couple of months ago, this was unheard of. Or at least rate. But I am eternally grateful for my psychiatrist and his tip that I should try taking Topomax. It has saved my life on Mondays, even though it may not sound like much.

On this particular Monday, I am making stuffed peppers for dinner. I had an idea in my mind of what stuffed peppers were, or should be, and I kind of just went with it from there. I knew I had rice, so I bought peppers and beef and an onion for flavor. At home, I added some fresh garlic and garlic powder, salt and pepper, seasoned diced tomatoes and even some spinach. And man, do my stuffed peppers look way better than the ones on the internet. I think I might post my recipe on the google share page!

So I don't know if it's the Topomax or what, but I am having a very hard time waking up at or before 6 in the morning lately. In fact, I have had a hard time getting out of bed anytime before 7! I am not sure what the reason quite is, but I'm not terribly concerned. My goal is going to be to take a pre-7 am train at least 2 times per week, whether it be the 6:12 or the 6:45. And hopefully, from there, I can build back up again. We'll see!

I'm also not 100% convinced that I should be continuing with this gluten-free business for as long as I was going to (she says as she drinks a Dos Equis Amber). I think I have to change something drastic if I want to lose the 10 or 15 pounds that I wanted to by my birthday, but I don't think going gluten free is the way to do it. Though, it does make me feel good, and it has been good for maintaining my weight over the course of 3 weeks and that's not something to look down upon, when those 3 weeks have included decadent Italian dinners, binge drinking, nights full of cheese and lots and lots of sweets!

On my list of things to do today, and something I didn't get to, was to call my insurance company and find out what my roadside assistance happens to be, since I don't know much about it. I received an offer in the mail to become a AAA member for just $52 a year and I have to be honest, it sounds like a pretty good deal. I'd consider doing it, but I just don't want to double up since I specifically remember that I get roadside assistance with Progressive. I'll find out tomorrow, hopefully!

I also have to drag my butt down to the doctor's office tomorrow to drop off a bloodwork prescription from my psychiastrist for my primary care doctor who has got to write the master prescription. It's that time of year again! I have been a healthy beast over the past year, but one thing I was specifically told to do that I did NOT do was take Vitamin D supplements. That might be on my "next year's" list of things to do. Not 2014, per se, but my "before 30" bucket list. BEFORE 30. Damn, I am getting old.

I talked to Jo and Nancy about doing a brunch at Mad Mex for my birthday again this year, making it kind of like a tradition, but I was thinking that it might be good to have kind of a low key birthday this year. It seems like each year keeps outdoing the last and I don't want one of these birthdays to end up a colossal disappointment. So maybe this year, I can have a little brunch with my coworkers, a night out with Bob and Justin in NYC, and maybe a night out in Ardmore with Callan and Sean. Hopefully, we can catch up with Anya and Jeff in NYC too, since they seem to be my birthday buds lately! Since I have 2 whole months to figure this birthday business out, I think I'll be safe. For now, I have to plan this night out to see Stephen Lynch w/ Jo and the gang, the Carpe Diem party on Friday and the next Philadelphia FTI event!

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Victorious Adventure!!!!

I'm at my mom and dad's house! Yay!!!!

We had such an adventure on the road yesterday and today. Driving through New Jersey was not too terribly bad; it was mostly raining until we got into northern New Jersey, and then the slush on the roads started. It wasn't until the very top of New Jersey that things started to get really bad. Once we entered New York, things got marginally better, but I still couldn't drive faster than 40 or 45  miles per hour, so we basically had to double whatever the GPS said for our estimated time left for the journey. When we got to about 2 and a quarter hours left, Dylan took the road conditions and my nervousness, and suggested that we call it a night and pull off the highway and stay somewhere. He said today that it took some convincing, but all I remember from last night was being over the moon happy that he suggested it because I could finally relax and not feel so tense and scared about driving any more for the night.

We only had about 8 or 9 miles left to go on the highway and then we pulled off the first exit we saw and found a hotel. Originally, we were following Siri to a Travel Inn a few miles from the highway, but we seemed to be driving into seedier and seedier territory, so we took a bit of a U-turn, and went back towards the highway to a  Howard Johnson's we had seen from the road. The snow was so bad on the main road that you basically couldn't see anything that resembled lanes and just had to kind of stay on your side of the road. We made it to Howard Johnson's alright, and to my surprise the cost of the room was only $67 with tax.

We parked quickly next to the lot and brought our stuff upstairs. The hotel wasn't great, but it was safe and warm and had a TV and a shower and a bed and being there meant we didn't have to drive in the snow anymore. We dropped our stuff off in the room and went off in search of food. We found Neptune's Diner that we had passed on the way in and after we parked and trudged in, we were disappointed to hear that they were closing up shop in just 10 minutes. We asked for a recommendation for another restaurant in town, and they let us know that they had been the only place open. Sure enough, every place we passed was closed: Panera, TGI Friday's, Chili's, IHOP. So we went to the place that I knew best would have SOMETHING we could eat: Stewart's!

I'm still trying to eat gluten free, so I had to get a little creative (and be ok with not eating THAT healthy for a night!) I got a bowl of chili that I ate with a big bag of Tostito's scoopers chips and a can of not-so-good-for-you, but gluten free, jalepeno cheese. I also snagged an apple, an orange, a piece of cheddar cheese and a Cadbury caramel egg and Dylan picked up a pint of Death by Chocolate ice cream. Yum! We basically went back to the hotel (after chatting with the nice Stewart's employees who had to stay at work in the horrible snow storm) and feasted on all this tasty food while on the bed since our hotel room only had one chair.

We watched some bad TV, and then snuggled into bed while watching The Office on hulu plus (we were four episodes behind! Huzzah!) Megan Shedden also saw on facebook that we had landed in Newburgh for the night, so she caught up with me via text and we arranged to meet at IHOP the next morning for brunch!

Dylan woke up this morning around 7:45 and went to the bathroom, checking on his phone for road conditions. It had stopped snowing and was sunny! It wasn't for another hour and a half that we got up, but at around 9:30, I finally showered and then went out to clear off the car while Dylan got ready. There must have been a foot of snow at least! We got our stuff together and met Megan for a wonderful brunch and caught up for about an hour, and then we were on our way again!

It only took us a couple of hours to get to Queensbury from Newburgh, which was not a bad drive for a Saturday afternoon. We dropped off presents for the Fallons and then picked up some bacon and chocolate which I am about to make into a wonderful snack for Feb Sux! So, adventure for the win! And here's to a fun night out with wonderful people tonight! Hope everyone stayed safe and warm in the blizzard!!!

Friday, February 8, 2013

Stressed Out By Snow

We were scheduled to leave for upstate New York today at 1:30 or so, and then a few days ago, it became clear that a giant snowstorm would be headed for the northeast this very afternoon. I've gotten lots and lots of warnings from friends, coworkers and family not to drive in the snow and to wait until Saturday and to stay home. I am honestly torn as to what to do. I just checked out some traffic cameras in middle and northern New Jersey, and so far there is no snow. I think if we left right away and got on the road and just powered through until we hit snow in New York state, we could take it easy as we drove into it, and it might only add an hour or two onto our trip. But at the same time, I don't want to end up in a spot where we're still over a hundred miles from my parents' house and it's dark and the snow is terrible and the plows aren't in front of us. That's my biggest fear- getting to a point where driving scares me and I feel unsafe, but I've gotten us far enough that we have to keep going.

I know I may have regrets either way, and it would be better to be safe and stay home than to potentially put Dylan and I in danger on the road. But I will be so disappointed to miss the party and see photos of everyone having fun without me. What did Bridget call it? FOMO? Fear of missing out. That was it. I have it, big time.

So basically, I don't know whether I should consult some ultimate higher power (the highway department, my mom), decide to just go for broke and DO IT and know that I can pull off and go somewhere safe if I feel like I can't do it anymore, or if I should just suck it up and do the safest thing which would be to wait until tomorrow morning and decide then. Something tells me the roads in Jersey will be twice as bad tomorrow morning than they will be today.

I guess ultimately I will talk it over with Dylan and see what he thinks we should do. I will show him the traffic cameras and we can look up the forecasts for the storm in New York and New Jersey and call my mom, if he wants. But I know this is not just my decision to make. The only thing is if we decide to stay the night tonight, we should most certainly head back to my house. I don't want my car getting towed from University City for some obscure snow removal law.

Why are these decisions so tough to make? There's no clear answer!

If I don't go, I'm not just missing out on Meredith and Alan and Kelly and Addison and Danielle and Ron and Kim and Jen and Sean and Beau and Shael and Jason and Sarah and Nadine and all the people I would see at the party. I'm missing out on seeing my parents. And I'm missing out on seeing my little girls.

I know this much - if we make the drive and it's crazy and awful and we make it, we will certainly need a drink tomorrow night! I still need to think about making the bacon as well, which hasn't even crossed my mind until we figure out what we're doing as far as driving. I don't even know how to MAKE chocolate covered bacon. I'm assuming I'll just buy some semi-sweet chocolate chips and melt them down on the stove with a little milk maybe? And then dip cooked strips of bacon into the chocolate? I'll do my best! And here's another question. If we decide to play things by ear and see what the weather holds for us tomorrow instead of driving today, should we make the bacon tonight?? I don't want oodles of chocolate covered bacon around my house and I certainly don't want Dylan housing it all on his own.

Basically, I am a hot mess and need to figure my shit out. I am picking up my car in less than an hour. Agh.