Well friends, today everything changed. I mean, maybe yesterday
everything changed. But come on. Three days ago (was it three?) I was an
anxious, nervous, full-of-failure, scared-to-death, angry, defeated,
upset, wrecked case of a human being. And with the help of a few key
people and - get this - my own strength, I pulled out of it and feel
better than ever. I have new energy, new determination, new ideas and
new dedication to get myself out of the pickle I am in and into a new
life...one where I am living in the place I want to live, with the man I
want to be with, spending time with the people who matter, and doing
the job I want that I know I'll be amazing at someday.
This girl, the
one I was tonight, the confident, fun-loving, positive, vibrant, happy
girl who just chop-sticked a whole heap of fiery Chinese food into her
mouth because it was amazing and nothing to be afraid of in
moderation...that's the girl I want to be. I want to be her everyday.
I
know that life is full of ups and downs, but what I know is that there
are going to be BIG ups and BIG downs, and if I'm not equipped to handle
the little ones with grace and serenity, then how will I be able to
take on life's big challenges with any semblance of adult presence of
mind? It's a good question, and one that I have been asking myself for
the past couple of years as I have dealt more intimately with this
anxiety on a more regular basis.
Life's really big changes - like having
a kid - can't happen until I am firmly in a place where I can handle myself each and every single day without fail. I am not doubting that I
will still have bad days and better days and great days, but the bad
days can not be as debilitating as they are now. What matters though is that I am happy today.
I feel like through all that's been going on, all the anxiety I've been feeling, all of
the extra work I've put in and things I've had to try to figure out,
it's all brought me to today. And today is a good day. Thanks goodness
for that.
