Stressed Out By Snow

We were scheduled to leave for upstate New York today at 1:30 or so, and then a few days ago, it became clear that a giant snowstorm would be headed for the northeast this very afternoon. I've gotten lots and lots of warnings from friends, coworkers and family not to drive in the snow and to wait until Saturday and to stay home. I am honestly torn as to what to do. I just checked out some traffic cameras in middle and northern New Jersey, and so far there is no snow. I think if we left right away and got on the road and just powered through until we hit snow in New York state, we could take it easy as we drove into it, and it might only add an hour or two onto our trip. But at the same time, I don't want to end up in a spot where we're still over a hundred miles from my parents' house and it's dark and the snow is terrible and the plows aren't in front of us. That's my biggest fear- getting to a point where driving scares me and I feel unsafe, but I've gotten us far enough that we have to keep going.

I know I may have regrets either way, and it would be better to be safe and stay home than to potentially put Dylan and I in danger on the road. But I will be so disappointed to miss the party and see photos of everyone having fun without me. What did Bridget call it? FOMO? Fear of missing out. That was it. I have it, big time.

So basically, I don't know whether I should consult some ultimate higher power (the highway department, my mom), decide to just go for broke and DO IT and know that I can pull off and go somewhere safe if I feel like I can't do it anymore, or if I should just suck it up and do the safest thing which would be to wait until tomorrow morning and decide then. Something tells me the roads in Jersey will be twice as bad tomorrow morning than they will be today.

I guess ultimately I will talk it over with Dylan and see what he thinks we should do. I will show him the traffic cameras and we can look up the forecasts for the storm in New York and New Jersey and call my mom, if he wants. But I know this is not just my decision to make. The only thing is if we decide to stay the night tonight, we should most certainly head back to my house. I don't want my car getting towed from University City for some obscure snow removal law.

Why are these decisions so tough to make? There's no clear answer!

If I don't go, I'm not just missing out on Meredith and Alan and Kelly and Addison and Danielle and Ron and Kim and Jen and Sean and Beau and Shael and Jason and Sarah and Nadine and all the people I would see at the party. I'm missing out on seeing my parents. And I'm missing out on seeing my little girls.

I know this much - if we make the drive and it's crazy and awful and we make it, we will certainly need a drink tomorrow night! I still need to think about making the bacon as well, which hasn't even crossed my mind until we figure out what we're doing as far as driving. I don't even know how to MAKE chocolate covered bacon. I'm assuming I'll just buy some semi-sweet chocolate chips and melt them down on the stove with a little milk maybe? And then dip cooked strips of bacon into the chocolate? I'll do my best! And here's another question. If we decide to play things by ear and see what the weather holds for us tomorrow instead of driving today, should we make the bacon tonight?? I don't want oodles of chocolate covered bacon around my house and I certainly don't want Dylan housing it all on his own.

Basically, I am a hot mess and need to figure my shit out. I am picking up my car in less than an hour. Agh.

Is it August already?

It's been a long time since I've written, and I feel like I miss writing so much. I really want to get doing this again every day, but it's so hard when you're not in the rhythm to make it a priority. I'll try for September's challenge I suppose. Though, we're going to the shore Labor Day weekend, so I don't know how that will go (if we'll have wifi or not).

Life is going quite well. Things with Dylan are great, I've been having fun with friends and coworkers, I'm actually genuinely excited to try new things at work, and I'm about to go see my family for the third time this summer. I've decided to stay in my place for another year or so, even though Dylan got into the University of Pennsylvania. Both cats have been to the vet and are healthy. And I've been great with going to the gym and have even dipped below 200 pounds, though with eating a half a pizza last night, we'll see how I fare on the scale today!

So all these good things ought to make me the happiest girl in the world, right? Well, for the most part I am. But I still feel really anxious some days (usually Mondays), and I had a day on Saturday where all I wanted to do was sleep and sleep and sleep some more. I didn't want to watch shows or do things, I just wanted to nap. Dylan gave me kind of a hard time about it, and I don't know if it was from exhaustion or from a minor bought of depression, but it was hard for me to snap out of it. This upcoming weekend, going home for the summer picnic, is going to be more busy and crazy, so I won't have time to sleep the day away, but when we come back, I want to make an effort to get up by 9AM on the weekend and maybe do some light exercise to get my body going. Maybe write! Wink wink nudge nudge. I'd love to get into more of a routine on the weekend and maybe get stuff accomplished, but it's hard when Dylan's there and there's not much for him to do at my house except watch TV.

Anyhow, other than my anxious days and the occasional super sleepy day, life has been good. As I said, Dylan got into Penn and I couldn't be happier for him. He's already invested in lots of Penn gear - 2 sweatshirts, a polo and a cute sporty T-shirt for me! We decided to put off moving in together for the time being, since he doesn't have a job aside from tutoring and it could put a strain on us for him not to have an income and us having all sorts of expenses. I think it's smart, but there's still part of me that's yearning to come home from work each night and get to see him. Even if we don't hang out all night, just to be able to give him a kiss or make him dinner would be lovely. But all good things come in time. So I'm sure whenever it does happen, it'll be worth the wait. And by then, we'll be even more sure that it's right.

Work has been pretty exciting, as I said. I've been spending lots of time after work with other coworkers as well as investigating new avenues of work itself. I rented a car and took a trip up to Morristown to meet with our resident social media expert on Monday. She told me a lot about what it is she does - profiling and auditing clients social media presence, sometimes in a crisis, to find out what people are saying (good and bad) and then making recommendations based upon this to help them engage with their customers or investors, whoever their audience might be. It's all incredibly interesting to me, and it's in a space I feel very comfortable in, since I've been involved in social media for the better part of 10 years on some level. I'm going to have one other chat today, with someone else in a different department. But I'm actually getting excited about new opportunities to learn and grow and work with different people!

I'm about to dive into my last full work day before my trip, and there's a lot to do, but I'm glad I could take a few minutes to write. I've owed it to myself, at the very least :)

Attitude is everything. And also money.

Side note, preface-thingy: yesterday, I felt awful. I wanted to move away and start a new life. I felt like a failure in every way. I couldn't even watch TV without my brain telling me all the things that were wrong with my life. And then this is today:

OMG. Today has kicked yesterday's ASS. I don't know what my problem was yesterday. Scratch that. I do know what it was. I was second guessing myself. I was taking things personally, and I was letting negative thoughts overtake my brain. Today, I have taken charge of the world and it is MINE! I've talked, hung out, gone on walks, brought my own lunch, and am about ready to hit the gym for a good old fashioned RUN. I am so psyched for life today, which is the exact opposite of how I felt yesterday. Today, nothing can stop me. I think it's all about attitude. The thing I've noticed about the two really good days that I've had this week has been that I've come in with a plan. Just a simple plan to make an effort to talk to the people around me. Obviously things escalated from the plan, and have gone well from there, but I think the attitude of having a plan makes things worlds better.

Maybe I should start every day like that. I don't know if I would absolutely need that, but I do need to remind myself that I'm worthy and smart and funny sometimes. Dylan does a good job of reminding me too. I can't believe how upset I was last night, and how things seem so much better and brighter today. I guess I am no longer the bright, shiny, positive person I am EVERY day. But I certainly am today.

One of the things that is on my mind today is saving money. If I can start bringing in salads or wraps from Trader Joe's instead of buying my lunch out everyday, I think I can save myself at least $20 per week. Maybe $30. And with ceasing the organic produce delivery for the time being, I'm eating less fruit, but I am able to snack on baby carrots and cherry tomatoes for only about $3 a week from Sue's. And buying salad stuff for home only costs another $8-$10 a week which saves me $15. That's $45 in my pocket right there, just from eating smarter! And with Dylan and I going out less (or him getting paid more and paying for us more!), I think I can work to pay down my credit card this summer and save the money I need for our vacation to Atlantic City this fall.

I'm hoping our other trips this summer can be low-budget. Aside from gas and tolls, we'll be doing a lot of meals with family, and like Kaela's mom's party, catered by others! I will make sure to pack lots of yummy road snacks from Trader Joe's and the odd order of fries from a rest stop won't kill our budget. The more I figure out where my money is going, the more I feel like I could really run a household and a family someday. It's a very empowering feeling. And to someday have BOTH of our incomes to use and plan with- well, gosh, that will be just heaven on earth. I'm sure we won't ever have more money than we know what to do with, or fatty fat fat savings and trusts for our children, but I have a feeling we'll be doing alright for ourselves pretty soon down the line.

And gosh, I know Dylan sleeping over last night was nice. He really makes me happy. I can't wait to spend my life making him happy too. That's it. My sappy romantic blurt is over.

Back to money! I joined Pear a few months back, a really cool budgeting website. I've been supremely diligent about inputting all of my expenses, but I haven't actually gone through and revised my budget or analyzed my spending. I think I might need some help with that. Maybe my mom or Dylan would be able to take a look and advise me. I think I'll be able to tell where I'm going over in spending (TRAVEL! CLOTHING!) but I'm not sure really what to do about that except to adjust my budget to account for the things I need to spend. To be honest, I don't buy THAT many clothes. And I think I only budgeted $500 for each for the year, and that doesn't seem like that much when you break it down by month.

Something I always want to be able to do is go out to dinner. It doesn't have to be at fancy places, but it is my biggest indulgence, and I'd gladly give up take out and restaurant lunches to be able to go out to dinner every now and then. I think it's time to set some financial goals! Stand by. (But not really, because it won't be for a few days!)

Good Day, Bad Day

I'm sitting at Comcast, waiting on some feedback before I can finish some work. And waiting another hour before I make my rounds with the marketing folks. Sometimes, I think my weekly meeting here doesn't really matter or accomplish anything, and other times, I feel like I really get a lot out of it. I think I hold onto the time slot and keep coming because I feel like it adds something to my job. It gives me a leg up over other people who aren't client facing. Yes, I communicate with clients on a daily basis over email, but I am truly client facing.

I'm also texting with Bob about our trip to Chicago. He's debating whether we should go with a spectacular room or a wonderful room, when apparently the only difference is the view. Personally, I don't care which way we face, along as the bed is comfortable.

The past couple days have been both fun and tough. Tuesday was fun. I wore a great outfit - red jeans, blousey flowered top, bangles, silver jacket, black sparkly flats. I ran errands with Alex at lunch, and got out of work a half hour early to pick up burritos and meet Dylan to go over to the Of Monsters and Men concert. We ate the burritos in the parking lot, in the sunshine of the late afternoon and then headed over to wait in line at the TLA. We waited and talked for over an hour, even made the reservation for my birthday dinner!

Finally, they let us in and we made our way to the very front next to the stage. I said, "We're here, but how are we going to get drinks?" So we decided to get the good "grown-up" seats/standing spots, up by the bar. We got a couple beers and hung out until the opening singer came on, a young woman whose band goes by the name of Lay Low. I found out, when she started singing a song that I know, that I actually have some of her music, but had no idea before the show she'd be opening! It was pretty cool.

When Of Monsters and Men came out, the energy was infectious. You could tell that Philadelphia really loves this band. The show was sold out, and people were going crazy for them. It was so inspiring. I really felt like we were a part of something. We danced and grooved along to the music, alternately standing and leaning on the rail in front of us. At the end of the show, we talked about how old we are, that standing for 3 or 4 hours is so tough and makes us so stiff. The encore was amazing, and I even got goosebumps when they played the first song we'd ever heard by them. It reminded me how much I love seeing live music. It made me really excited for the concert Dani and I are going to May 11 to see Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes.

After the show was over, we walked back to the car, and drove to Minella's, while listening to Of Monsters and Men and the muppet soundtrack! We ate an amazing late dinner, and talked and talked, and then Dylan said he was spending the night at my house. It made me so happy. We went home and basically fell into bed. I decided to give myself an extra hour, which turned into an extra 2.5 hours. I showered and got back into bed (BIG MISTAKE). I have such a hard time not snuggling with Dylan when he's in my bed. I have to get over that. Then, my train ending up getting suspended.

I didn't end up getting into work until almost 11AM. It totally threw off my whole day, and though I didn't feel useless or clammed up, I did feel really on edge, and like I needed to smoke. I had two cigarettes (two for the month means I'm only one away from the number I had in March), and went home without working out or going to art class. I was kind of disappointed in myself, especially since I told Jeff the other day how I hadn't had any dips in such a while.

I'm going to count yesterday as a fluke, and not worry about it happening again. I'm also going to work hard at getting up and getting into work on time, even if I am super tired. If I can't get my butt out of bed, it's best just to take the day. But today, I feel strong, together and awake. It's going to be a great day. I can feel it!