Do You Worry About How Interesting You Are? Because I Do...

I was in the shower last night and realized that I'm not very interesting. Yes, I can carry on interesting conversations with people, and talk about things that are beyond my daily routine, but for the most part, the things that are on my mind are my own concerns: my money, my health and body, my relationships and my job. And outside of that, what do I have?

Well, let's see. I like to read. I like music. I like going to concerts and downloading new singers and musicians, but I don't make music anymore. I like art and finding new artists, but I'm not particularly knowledgeable about any of them, nor do I make it a point to seek out art in my day to day life. I even stopped going to sketch class on Mondays and Wednesdays. I like cooking and dining out, but I don't think I know enough about gourmet food to be considered a true "foodie". And I love wine, but I'm definitely not up to speed enough about wines to be considered an expert on that. I enjoy political discussions, but I'm not informed enough. I love traveling, but I don't make or save enough money to do it regularly.

I guess what I'm saying is that I like a lot of things, but I don't think I'm particularly great at any one thing or pursue anything with abandon enough to say that I have a passion. So that most of the time, my brain is not consumed with any deep amazing thoughts that keep me in a state of thinking and thinking, I'm mostly pondering what I should do about my credit card debt and how I shouldn't have bought those concert tickets yesterday, even though it's going to be an amazing time.

I don't know if this means I should pick something to be passionate about and pursue it, or if I'm ok leading a life without that kind of fire for say ART! Or WINE! Cause I'm an ART PERSON! OR A WINE PERSON! Also, with all of my time spent seeing friends, running errands, going to the gym and working, I don't know when I would find extra time to put into something that I'm assuming would take a lot of extra time.

My dear friend Kaela volunteers as the Executive Director now (she has risen high in the ranks) of the Boho Theater Company in Chicago and spends many hours every week meeting, planning, coordinating, attending rehearsals or auditions and anything else that needs to be done. She does this in addition to her day job AND her school work (she is getting her masters degree currently). I cannot fathom how she finds the time for everything and still has time for herself.

I was actually thinking of applying to get a masters degree myself last year, before I made the decision to pursue writing at my company. I knew it would be a lot of work, and I vowed that I would still find time for all the things I loved. But to be honest, I don't know if I could have done it and still kept up with everything I want to do. At this point in my life, I am happy supplementing my knowledge and degree with conferences, meetup groups, articles and books: things that are manageable in pieces and do not span months or years of my life.

But this brings me back to the place where I still worry that I am not interesting enough. That I am not passionate enough about any one thing to be a person with passion. Does it count to be passionately in love with one's partner? Does being in love make you interesting? I'm thinking the world of single people thinks it does not. And I think it makes people glad that you're in a relationship that makes you happy, but they don't wish to see you more because of it. They don't say "Oh Amanda was cool before, but ever since she got that boyfriend, she's been AWESOME to hang out with!"

I guess to broaden that concept a bit more, I could simply be passionate about my relationships. I think that's what it's all about anyway. That's what I could dwell on in the dark of night: how to strengthen my relationships with my friends, my family, my boyfriend, my coworkers. That's something that's important to me. And whether or not that makes me interesting, I guess will just have to be determined later. I could take all of my little interests and infuse them into my relationships in little ways thereby making them bigger by the communities of which they're a part. And that doesn't sound half bad.

A Little Bit About Music

I am having trouble thinking of things to write about that are not about my recent past or upcoming future. I think my mind is consumed with the things in my life that are important to me, and apparently none of those things are dissecting music, commenting on politics, making funny jokes, chatting about celebrities. Am I boring? I know I'm fun to be around, (at least I think I am!), but it seems from what I've been writing in the past couple of weeks that I don't have a lot to say that's not like journal entry-worthy.

Let's take a stab at it...Music:

I listed to the new Jack White's new album Blunderbuss on Spotify yesterday. I had read about him having a problem with women he can't control, and how this comes into play in a lot of his lyrics. I thought initially, "Oh, it can't be that bad." It must be because I read the article (http://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2012/04/jack-whites-women-problem/256349/) ahead of time, but I heard snippets exemplifying this in almost every single song. Talk about issues! This was really my first foray into Jack White's music, since I've never really been an avid fan of the White Stripes. I liked the sound of it, but the content I wasn't too sure about.

I also listened to a bunch of music by Gotye while I was cleaning my apartment last night. I really enjoyed the popular song he did with Kimbra, "Somebody I Used to Know," and the video to that song is pretty awesome. But I have to say, aside from a few kind of catchy songs, I wasn't captured by his other music. I listened through all of his albums and down to the remixes of his current songs, and I don't think I was caught up in any one song to pay attention too much. I listened to the whole new album, Making Mirrors, again at work this morning, and was like, "Meh." I wanted him to be better. I wanted his music to grab me.

Now I'm listening to dance music! It brings me back to my roots. Not my young kid roots (Beatles, Beach Boys, Diana Ross records) and not my young teenage roots (90s Nirvana to No Doubt to Hanson), but my "I'm friends with Bob" roots in the years when we'd listen to Christina Aguilera dance mixes in the car, choreographing routines for music videos, and driving up to Montreal on a whim to dance the night away at a booming techno after-hours club. I watched an episode of How I Met Your Mother last night talking about all the things they're too old to do. I think driving 3 hours to go to an all night dance club is on that list for me at the ripe old age of 28. Even Bob, who seemed worlds older than me back then, was only 18 or 19 when we were doing that crazy stuff. I don't think either of us has the stamina for it anymore. But we can still enjoy the music.

Music I have been really enjoying lately includes the whole Of Monsters and Men album that I finally downloaded "My Head is an Animal," the Fun. album "Some Nights," and Lana Del Rey's "Born to Die." Of Monsters and Men just seem to be full of anthems. I don't know how better to describe their appeal. In the way that for almost every song they sang at their concert, they had the audience singing along for some part of the chorus or vocal part. I will always love "Little Talks" but "Dirty Paws" and "Mountain Sound" have really made their way into my heart as favorites.

My all time favorite on Fun.'s album is the title track from the album, "Some Nights." A cross between a gospel choir and Vampire Weekend is how I described it to a friend. It just jazzes me up so much to hear it blaring into my headphones. Most of the other songs on the album are catchy and fun to listen to, but none grabs me as much as "Some Nights." I also really enjoy the hit off of that album "We Are Young." It features Janelle Monae who I liked ages ago on facebook just purely by seeing the way she dresses. I must make a note to download more of her music.

Last was Lana Del Rey. Her voice is captivating, and I feel like she could be singing about horse poop, and I'd still listed. The title track "Born to Die," and the following track, "Off to the Races" are my favorites from that album, but I also love "Video Games," the song that became a youtube sensation and made her famous. I'm interested to see where she goes from this debut, and if she has staying power.

Well, there I go. I thought I had nothing to say, and I went and talked about music for the whole 750 words. Next up, politics? I think I might miss tomorrow, since I'm traveling, but I'll do my best!

Good Day, Bad Day

I'm sitting at Comcast, waiting on some feedback before I can finish some work. And waiting another hour before I make my rounds with the marketing folks. Sometimes, I think my weekly meeting here doesn't really matter or accomplish anything, and other times, I feel like I really get a lot out of it. I think I hold onto the time slot and keep coming because I feel like it adds something to my job. It gives me a leg up over other people who aren't client facing. Yes, I communicate with clients on a daily basis over email, but I am truly client facing.

I'm also texting with Bob about our trip to Chicago. He's debating whether we should go with a spectacular room or a wonderful room, when apparently the only difference is the view. Personally, I don't care which way we face, along as the bed is comfortable.

The past couple days have been both fun and tough. Tuesday was fun. I wore a great outfit - red jeans, blousey flowered top, bangles, silver jacket, black sparkly flats. I ran errands with Alex at lunch, and got out of work a half hour early to pick up burritos and meet Dylan to go over to the Of Monsters and Men concert. We ate the burritos in the parking lot, in the sunshine of the late afternoon and then headed over to wait in line at the TLA. We waited and talked for over an hour, even made the reservation for my birthday dinner!

Finally, they let us in and we made our way to the very front next to the stage. I said, "We're here, but how are we going to get drinks?" So we decided to get the good "grown-up" seats/standing spots, up by the bar. We got a couple beers and hung out until the opening singer came on, a young woman whose band goes by the name of Lay Low. I found out, when she started singing a song that I know, that I actually have some of her music, but had no idea before the show she'd be opening! It was pretty cool.

When Of Monsters and Men came out, the energy was infectious. You could tell that Philadelphia really loves this band. The show was sold out, and people were going crazy for them. It was so inspiring. I really felt like we were a part of something. We danced and grooved along to the music, alternately standing and leaning on the rail in front of us. At the end of the show, we talked about how old we are, that standing for 3 or 4 hours is so tough and makes us so stiff. The encore was amazing, and I even got goosebumps when they played the first song we'd ever heard by them. It reminded me how much I love seeing live music. It made me really excited for the concert Dani and I are going to May 11 to see Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes.

After the show was over, we walked back to the car, and drove to Minella's, while listening to Of Monsters and Men and the muppet soundtrack! We ate an amazing late dinner, and talked and talked, and then Dylan said he was spending the night at my house. It made me so happy. We went home and basically fell into bed. I decided to give myself an extra hour, which turned into an extra 2.5 hours. I showered and got back into bed (BIG MISTAKE). I have such a hard time not snuggling with Dylan when he's in my bed. I have to get over that. Then, my train ending up getting suspended.

I didn't end up getting into work until almost 11AM. It totally threw off my whole day, and though I didn't feel useless or clammed up, I did feel really on edge, and like I needed to smoke. I had two cigarettes (two for the month means I'm only one away from the number I had in March), and went home without working out or going to art class. I was kind of disappointed in myself, especially since I told Jeff the other day how I hadn't had any dips in such a while.

I'm going to count yesterday as a fluke, and not worry about it happening again. I'm also going to work hard at getting up and getting into work on time, even if I am super tired. If I can't get my butt out of bed, it's best just to take the day. But today, I feel strong, together and awake. It's going to be a great day. I can feel it!