A Day in New York

Just a disclaimer to this post. I have been traveling a lot this month, and keep confusing things that have happened here, with things that have happened elsewhere. It's been a lot of fun, and a whirlwind journey, but as I say at the bottom, I'm ready to settle in for a while and have some home time. Read on for our adventure yesterday.

Holy moly, what a day yesterday. We ran our errands around 10 (got gas, picked up my birth control prescription, went to Dylan's bank, hit up Bruegger's for breakfast, picked up my coat from the cleaner's) and then hit the road. We drove pretty steadily for about an hour and a half and then hit crazy traffic heading into Jersey City. It was a bunch of lane of traffic all merging into one lane, which was tough and took a lot of time. When we got to Anya and Jeff's they said the traffic was probably from the Holland Tunnel, but we didn't even experience that, it was just the crazy merging from the construction!

We drove into Jersey City, which was bigger than we expected, and found parking right away. We headed up to their apartment which was in one of those big old converted warehouses, and the apartment was beautiful!!! They had high ceilings and gorgeous, open space and lots of cool Ikea furniture and cute decor. Even their bedroom was well laid out and spacious. Their kitchen had spices and baking supplies all laid out in containers with labels and I started getting all sorts of ideas for our house someday!

We spent some time chatting with Anya, Jeff, Mark and Jenny and getting to know the place and their dog, Catherine Zeta Jones, the corgie! (Dylan got along with her marvelously!) And then, we all decided to go down the street for some brunch! We headed to a place called Skinner's Loft and Cove where there was a little wait and not much place to wait in, but we ended up sitting down sooner than expected and getting a nice table in the back. Since Dylan and I had already eaten that morning, we only ordered one meal to split, the cornflake crusted French toast, that was stuffed with a berry cream cheese filling, and just to die for! I also got a yummy apple beer that tasted great and was really refreshing. It'd be a great summer beer, drank on a patio in the sweltering heat!

We sat and talked and ate for over an hour and then got on our way to meet Megan in the city. So, we made our way to the Path train just a few blocks over in Jersey City and got a Metro Pass, with about twenty dollars on it for the train and subway and waited for the train. Something about Jersey City makes it so windy and of course, being March it was still freezing cold out, somehow underground too! We hopped on the train, and I was surprised that it only took us two stops to get to the World Trade Center in New York! We walked a bit to the subway, and then got on going toward Grand Central Station to meet Megan getting off of her train.

We had a big, group-hug-filled and photo-tastic reunion and all talked for a few minutes, then made our way to the Big Gay Ice Cream Shop in the East Village. I got Dylan a Monday Sundae cone, which was chocolate-nutella-caramel-salt-twist ice cream, just what he'd wanted, and I got a key lime ice cream sundae, which was right up my alley. We made a couple of pit stops along the way for Mark to pick up some coffee, since he is an aficionado, and then we kept on to our next destination, a trendy little speakeasy called Death & Co. Inside it was dim, lit only with candles and small lights. The cocktails, all of the ones at the table I tried of course, were incredible, and Dylan and I each got a craft beer. Most of the fun of hanging out in the city with my friends is not the trying new places or getting to experience the great food and drainks (though that is a great bonus), but it is the time we spend together and the laughs we have. Not to mention the plans we make for the future, like visiting Megan for her 30th birthday this year, hanging out at Andi's graduation party and getting together in Chicago for Jenny's 30th!

We hung out for a bit longer and then realized we only had a bit longer before Jeff had to get back to Zeta to let her out and Dylan and I had to get back to the car to get on the road. So we headed over to Zab Elee, a cute little Northern Thai restaurant, with an entire menu of things I had never heard of. I got fried beef with chili sauce and some crispy pork with Thai eggplant in curry with sticky rice. I wasn't sure about any of it, 100%, but it was all edible, and I definitely enjoyed my last meal with my friends that day.

Dylan and Jeff and I bid the others folks a fond farewell and headed back to Jersey City, where Jeff sent us on our way and we drove back to Philly. A couple hours later (with no traffic!), we were pulling into my driveway, exhausted, but happy after our 14 hour day of fun going to and from the city to see our friends. It's always an adventure these days, but I think I'm ready to spend some time at home and get my house clean and work out, and eat healthy food and stop spending so much money. Not that I would trade these adventures for anything in the world, but it's about damn time I settled down for a bit. And that's just what I'm about ready to do today.

California Musings

It's been seven years since that trip to California. Since I flew too high and crashed into the sun. Since I felt my brain connecting in a million new ways. It's been seven years of rebuilding, rebirth. Seven years of pills and talking about my struggles and my challenges. Seven years to reclaim what I lost in California and start a new life - one I could be proud of and feel I worked hard for.

It's been a long road to get back here - to get back to a place where I could be on hundred percent ready for these experiences - emotionally, financially, mentally. It's important to me now to do things right - do them well and for the right reasons. I came to California this time for much the same reason I came last time - to experience a new world and and new people, new foods and new sights. To spend time with friends of course, as well, but ultimately, to find adventure and on the way, find out a bit more about myself.

What I have found that is dramatically different about the last time I was here is that I am much more confident in myself, my opinions, my needs and in the things that will make me happy. I feel I was much less likely to speak up for myself at twenty-one than I am at twenty-eight. I am much more fully myself, and while I felt a part of things when we came last time, I feel now I am more present, more connected to the people I'm with and the experiences we share.

To embody this spirit of being truly oneself, speaking up for what you want, being who you are and connecting with everything and everyone around you, is to be more fully alive. I find myself remembering a lot of insecurities from when I came here at twenty-one. I wanted people to like me and I wanted to fit in, I wanted to sound intelligent and I wanted to be desirable. Now that I already feel an internal confidence about these aspects of myself, I am no long seeking this approval elsewhere.

I by no means feel finished these days - I do not feel enlightened or necessarily more empowered than I did seven years ago. But I do feel more myself, more grounded in what I believe and who it is I want to be. I think that the longer we live, the more of ourselves comes out of us and the more sure of who we are we become.

But we will never be finished becoming who we are. We will never wake up to discover that, yes, today is the day I am the person I will be, unchanging, for the rest of my life. We will continue to grow, to build upon our lives in ways that change us and make us more ourselves than we've ever been.

Maybe I can come to California again - if not in another seven years, then sometime in the future. Maybe I can come for new experience, to reset my brain and truly think about what it is that I believe in. I don't know who that woman will be, but I think I have an idea that I'll like her very much.

Do You Worry About How Interesting You Are? Because I Do...

I was in the shower last night and realized that I'm not very interesting. Yes, I can carry on interesting conversations with people, and talk about things that are beyond my daily routine, but for the most part, the things that are on my mind are my own concerns: my money, my health and body, my relationships and my job. And outside of that, what do I have?

Well, let's see. I like to read. I like music. I like going to concerts and downloading new singers and musicians, but I don't make music anymore. I like art and finding new artists, but I'm not particularly knowledgeable about any of them, nor do I make it a point to seek out art in my day to day life. I even stopped going to sketch class on Mondays and Wednesdays. I like cooking and dining out, but I don't think I know enough about gourmet food to be considered a true "foodie". And I love wine, but I'm definitely not up to speed enough about wines to be considered an expert on that. I enjoy political discussions, but I'm not informed enough. I love traveling, but I don't make or save enough money to do it regularly.

I guess what I'm saying is that I like a lot of things, but I don't think I'm particularly great at any one thing or pursue anything with abandon enough to say that I have a passion. So that most of the time, my brain is not consumed with any deep amazing thoughts that keep me in a state of thinking and thinking, I'm mostly pondering what I should do about my credit card debt and how I shouldn't have bought those concert tickets yesterday, even though it's going to be an amazing time.

I don't know if this means I should pick something to be passionate about and pursue it, or if I'm ok leading a life without that kind of fire for say ART! Or WINE! Cause I'm an ART PERSON! OR A WINE PERSON! Also, with all of my time spent seeing friends, running errands, going to the gym and working, I don't know when I would find extra time to put into something that I'm assuming would take a lot of extra time.

My dear friend Kaela volunteers as the Executive Director now (she has risen high in the ranks) of the Boho Theater Company in Chicago and spends many hours every week meeting, planning, coordinating, attending rehearsals or auditions and anything else that needs to be done. She does this in addition to her day job AND her school work (she is getting her masters degree currently). I cannot fathom how she finds the time for everything and still has time for herself.

I was actually thinking of applying to get a masters degree myself last year, before I made the decision to pursue writing at my company. I knew it would be a lot of work, and I vowed that I would still find time for all the things I loved. But to be honest, I don't know if I could have done it and still kept up with everything I want to do. At this point in my life, I am happy supplementing my knowledge and degree with conferences, meetup groups, articles and books: things that are manageable in pieces and do not span months or years of my life.

But this brings me back to the place where I still worry that I am not interesting enough. That I am not passionate enough about any one thing to be a person with passion. Does it count to be passionately in love with one's partner? Does being in love make you interesting? I'm thinking the world of single people thinks it does not. And I think it makes people glad that you're in a relationship that makes you happy, but they don't wish to see you more because of it. They don't say "Oh Amanda was cool before, but ever since she got that boyfriend, she's been AWESOME to hang out with!"

I guess to broaden that concept a bit more, I could simply be passionate about my relationships. I think that's what it's all about anyway. That's what I could dwell on in the dark of night: how to strengthen my relationships with my friends, my family, my boyfriend, my coworkers. That's something that's important to me. And whether or not that makes me interesting, I guess will just have to be determined later. I could take all of my little interests and infuse them into my relationships in little ways thereby making them bigger by the communities of which they're a part. And that doesn't sound half bad.

Stressed Out By Snow

We were scheduled to leave for upstate New York today at 1:30 or so, and then a few days ago, it became clear that a giant snowstorm would be headed for the northeast this very afternoon. I've gotten lots and lots of warnings from friends, coworkers and family not to drive in the snow and to wait until Saturday and to stay home. I am honestly torn as to what to do. I just checked out some traffic cameras in middle and northern New Jersey, and so far there is no snow. I think if we left right away and got on the road and just powered through until we hit snow in New York state, we could take it easy as we drove into it, and it might only add an hour or two onto our trip. But at the same time, I don't want to end up in a spot where we're still over a hundred miles from my parents' house and it's dark and the snow is terrible and the plows aren't in front of us. That's my biggest fear- getting to a point where driving scares me and I feel unsafe, but I've gotten us far enough that we have to keep going.

I know I may have regrets either way, and it would be better to be safe and stay home than to potentially put Dylan and I in danger on the road. But I will be so disappointed to miss the party and see photos of everyone having fun without me. What did Bridget call it? FOMO? Fear of missing out. That was it. I have it, big time.

So basically, I don't know whether I should consult some ultimate higher power (the highway department, my mom), decide to just go for broke and DO IT and know that I can pull off and go somewhere safe if I feel like I can't do it anymore, or if I should just suck it up and do the safest thing which would be to wait until tomorrow morning and decide then. Something tells me the roads in Jersey will be twice as bad tomorrow morning than they will be today.

I guess ultimately I will talk it over with Dylan and see what he thinks we should do. I will show him the traffic cameras and we can look up the forecasts for the storm in New York and New Jersey and call my mom, if he wants. But I know this is not just my decision to make. The only thing is if we decide to stay the night tonight, we should most certainly head back to my house. I don't want my car getting towed from University City for some obscure snow removal law.

Why are these decisions so tough to make? There's no clear answer!

If I don't go, I'm not just missing out on Meredith and Alan and Kelly and Addison and Danielle and Ron and Kim and Jen and Sean and Beau and Shael and Jason and Sarah and Nadine and all the people I would see at the party. I'm missing out on seeing my parents. And I'm missing out on seeing my little girls.

I know this much - if we make the drive and it's crazy and awful and we make it, we will certainly need a drink tomorrow night! I still need to think about making the bacon as well, which hasn't even crossed my mind until we figure out what we're doing as far as driving. I don't even know how to MAKE chocolate covered bacon. I'm assuming I'll just buy some semi-sweet chocolate chips and melt them down on the stove with a little milk maybe? And then dip cooked strips of bacon into the chocolate? I'll do my best! And here's another question. If we decide to play things by ear and see what the weather holds for us tomorrow instead of driving today, should we make the bacon tonight?? I don't want oodles of chocolate covered bacon around my house and I certainly don't want Dylan housing it all on his own.

Basically, I am a hot mess and need to figure my shit out. I am picking up my car in less than an hour. Agh.

Life is kicking along...in a good way.

I'm going a little crazy today. I don't know why. I'm just having trouble focusing. I guess you can't help that sometimes. Mostly, things are going really well. I really have very few complaints about my life, even though I bought a car without thinking and am living on a crazy budget all of a sudden. It's kind of an adventure...surviving without money. I'm digging it so far, but it's only been 2 weeks. Talk to me about it in 2 months.

My main goal is to keep putting money in savings and NOT rack up crazy credit card debt by doing so. If I can get to my bonus and tax return doing these two things (and that means making it past Atlantic City, DC, Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas), I will be a champion in my own eyes.

Oh yeah, and while doing that, I'm trying to lose even more weight and take on a new role at my company while simultaneously doing the job I do now. Holy wow, it seems like I'm taking on a lot. I read on facebook the other day "If it scares you, you might want to think about doing it" or some such stuff. (That's not verbatim.) I believe that's what I'm doing with the second half of this year.

It's been a pretty awesome year with Dylan and reveling in all that being in love stuff, but I guess I was finally ready for new challenges, so I'm taking on the world. On top of the financial goals, the health goals and the work goals, I also want to volunteer! And organize my house, getting rid of things I don't need anymore. I'm supposed to tackle clothing tomorrow. I think it'll make getting dressed in the morning a lot easier if I'm not sifting through a million things to get to the clothes that fit and look good. It's the borderline stuff - the stuff you can pair with other things and have it look alright - that is going to be tough to deal with. I don't want to pare my wardrobe down so much that I only have a few outfits. But at the same time, if it doesn't fit, I've got to get rid of it and get a new one! Or get something else that's even better. Either way, I've got a lot of work ahead of me.

And maybe once all that money is saved up, and my credit card is free and clear, I can go on a little shopping spree and get myself some nice new clothes that fit well and are good quality. I'm thinking good stores + sales rack = the way to go.

Not even thinking of all the things I want to get for my house. I just wish Dylan was done with school sooner so we could start our dual income life. It's going to be a lot easier to afford things like vacuum cleaners and ironing boards and Dutch ovens, when I'm not the only one paying rent and utilities. I know it won't be perfect, and I know life will be an adjustment no matter what, but I'm really looking forward to building my life with him.

And of course, it has a hell of a lot more to do with waking up next to him each day and snuggling up to him each night than it does to do with splitting expenses. It's just a nice bonus, and I think once we're both working, we can have a really good life together. I'm excited for that day to come.

I have always had a hard time coming up with a 5 year plan, but I think I'm close to finally being able to come up with one! With work, my relationship, my goals...the stars are aligning, and I feel like the road in front of me is actually clearing up a little bit and I can see where it is that I'm going. That is, instead of just going day by day, week by week, and hoping I end up somewhere I want to be. Not that that hasn't worked out well for me these past few years! Nonetheless, I'm happy to say I'm in a good place, and working on making it even better. Here I go :)

Is it August already?

It's been a long time since I've written, and I feel like I miss writing so much. I really want to get doing this again every day, but it's so hard when you're not in the rhythm to make it a priority. I'll try for September's challenge I suppose. Though, we're going to the shore Labor Day weekend, so I don't know how that will go (if we'll have wifi or not).

Life is going quite well. Things with Dylan are great, I've been having fun with friends and coworkers, I'm actually genuinely excited to try new things at work, and I'm about to go see my family for the third time this summer. I've decided to stay in my place for another year or so, even though Dylan got into the University of Pennsylvania. Both cats have been to the vet and are healthy. And I've been great with going to the gym and have even dipped below 200 pounds, though with eating a half a pizza last night, we'll see how I fare on the scale today!

So all these good things ought to make me the happiest girl in the world, right? Well, for the most part I am. But I still feel really anxious some days (usually Mondays), and I had a day on Saturday where all I wanted to do was sleep and sleep and sleep some more. I didn't want to watch shows or do things, I just wanted to nap. Dylan gave me kind of a hard time about it, and I don't know if it was from exhaustion or from a minor bought of depression, but it was hard for me to snap out of it. This upcoming weekend, going home for the summer picnic, is going to be more busy and crazy, so I won't have time to sleep the day away, but when we come back, I want to make an effort to get up by 9AM on the weekend and maybe do some light exercise to get my body going. Maybe write! Wink wink nudge nudge. I'd love to get into more of a routine on the weekend and maybe get stuff accomplished, but it's hard when Dylan's there and there's not much for him to do at my house except watch TV.

Anyhow, other than my anxious days and the occasional super sleepy day, life has been good. As I said, Dylan got into Penn and I couldn't be happier for him. He's already invested in lots of Penn gear - 2 sweatshirts, a polo and a cute sporty T-shirt for me! We decided to put off moving in together for the time being, since he doesn't have a job aside from tutoring and it could put a strain on us for him not to have an income and us having all sorts of expenses. I think it's smart, but there's still part of me that's yearning to come home from work each night and get to see him. Even if we don't hang out all night, just to be able to give him a kiss or make him dinner would be lovely. But all good things come in time. So I'm sure whenever it does happen, it'll be worth the wait. And by then, we'll be even more sure that it's right.

Work has been pretty exciting, as I said. I've been spending lots of time after work with other coworkers as well as investigating new avenues of work itself. I rented a car and took a trip up to Morristown to meet with our resident social media expert on Monday. She told me a lot about what it is she does - profiling and auditing clients social media presence, sometimes in a crisis, to find out what people are saying (good and bad) and then making recommendations based upon this to help them engage with their customers or investors, whoever their audience might be. It's all incredibly interesting to me, and it's in a space I feel very comfortable in, since I've been involved in social media for the better part of 10 years on some level. I'm going to have one other chat today, with someone else in a different department. But I'm actually getting excited about new opportunities to learn and grow and work with different people!

I'm about to dive into my last full work day before my trip, and there's a lot to do, but I'm glad I could take a few minutes to write. I've owed it to myself, at the very least :)

To My Uncle Ed

We’re a loud and chatty and impossibly fun family, and Uncle Ed has always been a part of that. Uncle Ed wasn’t as loud as a lot of us are, but he was always able to cut through the noise with a keen observation or curious question, bantering with the best. It was the time he and I spent chatting the few times a year we’d get together that I’ll truly miss the most. He gave some of the best hugs ever. And that beard was legendary. He also had a gift for finding the coolest books – he found an author by my name once and proceeded to give and send me three of her books to add to my collection. Whether at my parents’ summer picnic, the annual Christmas party at Eileen’s or my occasional visit to Burlington, Uncle Ed and I always spent time chatting. And thanks to the magic of facebook, he always knew what was going on in my life. He helped me become a Red Sox fan transplant to Philadelphia, warning me of the dangers of Phillies-fan-dom. He got a call once for Comcast, my biggest client in Philly, and said he didn’t want to mention my name, since he didn’t want to brag that he knew me. He even got to know Dylan a bit last summer, and got to joking around with him on facebook as well. It meant a lot to me that he took such an interest in my life and always made sure I knew it.

From reading the messages from all his friends and family, I know that I was not alone in feeling this special bond with Uncle Ed. He lived his life simply, but fuller and more richly than many on this earth, making it about the connections he had and the lives he touched. I think all of us cousins, and his amazing kids Henry and Natalie, all got a bit of his sense of humor in our own. A wry observation, a good pun or a play on words will always remind me of Uncle Ed. His passing has made all of us cry, but I think he’d want us to remember how he’s made us all laugh hundreds of times over. That laughter and caring spirit is what will always stay with us, until the day we meet again. And just think, by the time we get to Heaven, Uncle Ed will have all the good bakeries and coffee shops scoped out and he’ll show us all around. We’ll love you always, Uncle Ed.
__________


I'm on the bus now to meet Josh and Kristi in Albany. We're going to go get some pizza and then I'm going to hang out with Meredith at my parents' house. To be honest, I could really use a drink. The past couple of days have been really crazy, and I wish I didn't feel this loss as deeply as I have, but maybe it's a good thing. Maybe it means it will get easier in time. Or maybe that's a crock, and I'll always feel loss like I do now. Tomorrow's the visiting hours and service. The words above are what I've written to read. I wanted to make a tribute somehow, because Uncle Ed was really one of my favorite relatives and meant a lot to me. I feel the worst for Natalie and Henry. I can't imagine losing my father at their age. Well, I can't imagine losing my father at my age. I know it'll happen someday, but I hope it's long after I'm married and my kids have gotten ample time to get to know and hang out with their Grandpa Ed. Natalie and Henry will never get that and that makes me so sad. I'm staying overnight in Vermont on Wednesday night so I can attend the burial on Thursday. And hopefully, have some time to hang out with my cousins. I want to see what they are all doing tomorrow night. Maybe this will give us some time to be with each other some more. This whole thing is making me think I need to work harder at knowing my family. They're the only ones I will ever have and they mean so much to me.

I also need to get something for my mom. I can't imagine losing my brother and this must be the hardest of all on her (in our family). Uncle Ed was such a strong presence in everyone's life, it'll be weird at family events now without him.

One good thing is that this has kind of put the whole work stress in perspective. And everyone from the office has been very supportive. Rob even gave me a hug :) They're good people, and I'm lucky to have them. And I'm lucky to have all of the family I'm off to see. Here goes.

Life is HAPPENING, people.

This is another little blurby excerpt, written after I reviewed Charlotte's and Studio L'Amour in Chicago. I promise more quality blogging once vacation is over. Then, it's back to real life!

That's about it for my yelp reviews. Glad I got those out of the way. I'm sure with my parents coming, and us traveling all around god's creation PA, we'll experience lots of new dining and entertainment establishments and before long, I'll have tons more to review. I wonder if I'll become an elite any time soon. I don't know what it takes to actually become an elite, but I'd sure love to be invited to their special events. That'd be snazzy, and it'd give Dylan and Susan a chance to hang out some more! I'm so glad they got along when we hung out on Saturday. She declared she loved him! In Susan-terms, that's a ringing endorsement; she doesn't give that out easily!

Life has been so good lately, I'm hoping that my upcoming vacation (starting in just 26 hours!) lives up to the lead up! I have a good amount of work to do tomorrow, and am hoping I can maintain my focus and not check out the second I realize the end is in sight (i.e. NOW). I have a lot of cleaning to do tonight, too, so I'm going to get some good music queued up on Spotify and ATTACK. Vacuuming, sweeping, dusting, washing windows, wiping down counters and sinks, lots lots lots. Hopefully, my apartment will be ship shape by the time my parents come by, whenever that may be!

SO EXCITED FOR LIFE! I might not be writing for a while, but I'll be back in June, fo sho. I'm going to join the challenge in June, and see if I can do it!

Life This Week

Well hello there! It's Friday, one of the best of all of the days of the week. It's been a good week here for me, aside from a few little road blocks here and there. Lots going on! First of all...Tonight is the Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes concert with Dani at the Tower Theatre. We're both taking the trolley into 69th Street to meet. I have to admit - I had only heard one of their songs before buying the tickets. Now that I've investigated them a bit more on Spotify, I am not 100% sure I dig all of their music. Compared to the first song I heard, much of their other stuff is calmer and almost, blander? But then I heard the newly released sneak peek single from their new album...and it's AWESOME. So happy. And amazing. So hopefully, I will enjoy the concert tonight! And hopefully Dani will too, since she's gotta fork over forty dollars for the ticket I bought her after she drunkenly agreed to go with me back in March :)

More exciting life - we're making pizza this weekend. Yummy, yummy BBQ pulled pork pizza with ooey gooey mozzarella and white crust, per Dylan's request from the last time we made pizza. I haven't cooked up anything complicated in a while, and this definitely isn't it. But I'm excited to cook ourselves a big yummy dinner. WHICH will be accompanied by freshly baked biscuits and strawberries and whipped cream for strawberry shortcake AND some sort of cocktails, depending on what we decide to drink. I had a conversation with Mer G. about kissing skills, and whether or not being drunk makes you a better kisser or just a more confident kisser. So I talked it over with Dylan, and we're going to do a kissing experiment. After every drink, we're going to kiss, and he's going to rate it! We'll see how this goes, but I foresee it being a lot of fun.

Susan invited us to her art show tomorrow afternoon, but it's in god-knows-where South Philly, I think, and with Dylan wanting to do absolutely nothing, and his spare being on his car, and the fact that we'll probably have to drive to the airport anyway to pick up his Mom's car, I don't think we're going to make it. I want to make Susan something nice, a card or something, congratulating her on the show. I haven't seen her to hang out in forever, but I'd really like to. I think I'll make her a card this weekend, and demand we do lunch some day next week!

On another friend note, I'm sad, but I think I've lost Raquel as a friend. I reached out to her multiple times over the past few months, both just sending cute little hellos, and invitations to hang out. She IM'd me briefly after one such invitation, saying she was super busy and she'd get back to me, and the next thing I know, I'm invited to her going away party. She's leaving for Washington soon for a new job. Needless to say, I don't think we're going to be hanging out anymore, and we rarely if ever talk as it is. I think I'll have to mail Bayrex his movies back, and consider myself officially removed as a member of their group of friends. It was fun while it lasted, and I will always remember my time with them. It meant a lot to me to feel accepted in such a fun group, but those days are clearly past us. Time to move onwards and upward!

I look forward to making new friends later on in life with Dylan. Maybe friends in a new town that I move to. Friends from a class I take. Friends from my future kids' school someday! I feel like I haven't made many new friends outside of work in a long time. I guess last year, I made friends with Dani and Bryan and Alexa and Gist. But since then, my life's been pretty much full of boyfriend time. I guess I don't know how much time I would have for new friends. I have enough trouble trying to keep in touch with the friends that I do have. As Bob said, I spread myself too thin. But I definitely love new friends.

Well, off in a bit to enjoy the weekend. Have a good one all!

Awesomeness Turned Anxiousness

I had a wonderful night last night, but a very anxious morning today.

Last night, I came home around 6 and talked to my brother for about a half hour. We don't talk on the phone very often, but last night I questioned why that is. It's not that we don't get along. I could talk to him for hours! We just don't find occasion to call each other that often. I must make a mental note to call him more often.

While on the phone with Josh, I made baggies of the (censored for Dylan) I got Dylan for his birthday. Josh had an idea to draw pictures of the (censored for Dylan) on the bag, but make them looks like Dylan. I did ones in four different colors on four sandwich ziploc bags, and put glasses on all of them to make them look like Dylan! I think he'll appreciate the little extra touch there.

I sent a picture of the baggies to Josh after we got off of the phone and one to Alex since she was with me when I bought the (censored for Dylan) yesterday. Then, I wrapped Dylan's other presents, the (censored for Dylan). I know he got me two sets of really awesome tickets (the chamber orchestra and Wicked), and a surprise trip to NYC for the shebang, but I think he'll like the presents I got for him as well.

After that, I settled down with a glass of wine and my computer, only to have Dylan call me a few minutes later to let me know he'd arrived. We went to Wawa and got the most wonderful $16 feast - two 10 inch subs (one Classic California with bacon, turkey, tomatoes, cucumbers, pepper jack and guacamole, the other a Buffalo Chicken Cheese Steak), a giant bag of salt and vinegar chips and chocolate milk for Dylan. We then went to the liquor store and picked out a really cute bottle of wine...I don't remember the name, but it came in a cylindrical bottle that was super adorable.

We headed back to my house, and ate and drank while watching New Girl. Then Dylan started to feel not so well, so we went to lie down on the bed, while watching The Office and 30 Rock. Afterwards, I got him some water, and snuggled him lots to help make him feel better, then suggested he sleep over at my house, so I could take care of him properly. After a couple disastrous school night sleepovers, where I didn't want to get out of bed for the life of me, last night went pretty darn well. After I set Dylan up with a big bottle of water, we both snuggled into bed, and turned out the big light. He watched anime cartoons and I read Catching Fire, the second book in the Hunger Games series, that I'm JUST LOVING. We laid like that for 45 minutes or an hour, then shut down and turned off the lights. He told me he was feeling better, which made me happy, and we were asleep not too long after.

Before I knew it, I was rousing and it was light out and then my alarm went off. I still snoozed a couple times, for sure, since it was so nice to be in bed with him. But when 6:30 came, I was up and at 'em. Within 20 minutes, I had done my hair and makeup, eaten breakfast and checked the weather. I came to kiss him and see if he wanted to get up with me to drive me to the train and go home or stay sleeping. He said he'd like to sleep more, and it really was the sweetest thing for me to tuck him in and kiss him goodbye, after I'd dressed and packed. I made it to the train in plenty of time, breaking into a wide grin as I walked now and then, remembering my sweet boyfriend back at my house, keeping my bed toasty warm. How I wish I could go back there now and surprise him with a hug and kiss. But alas, I'm responsible.

I've made it almost to the end of this entry, and only talked about the happy things in life so far. I guess that's ok. The things I was anxious about this morning included that my train pass hasn't come for next month yet (but I looked it up and found out that it just got mailed on Tuesday - it's Thursday today), and that I ran my credit card up almost as much as I paid it down last paycheck ($400), and after my rent check and my bachelorette party check this pay period, I only have another $400 to put towards credit card, Dylan's birthday meals and movie (easily $150), plus dinner and breakfast with Josh and Kristi and anything I'll need to buy in Chicago. The kicker is I only get paid one more time between then and the next trip to Chicago, when I'll get paid on Friday the 25th, while I'm in Chi-town. I guess I'll just have to pace myself as much as possible, maybe put $250 towards my card this time, and see if I can be frugal in Chicago this weekend. Maybe Dylan can pay for the movies next week or chip in for Iron Hill.

Other miscellaneous things making me anxious: checking in for my flights this weekend, getting through the airport alright, packing my bag sufficiently, getting to the airport with enough time, getting the letters out to my dad before this weekend, keeping my house clean when everything's been so busy and I have guests coming tomorrow night, getting Dylan's mom's jacket back to her in good condition, reading all the millions of magazines I have, losing weight...and OH- the dress I gave to the cleaners to have their tailor look at on Saturday morning, that I STILL haven't heard back about yet. I have no idea when they will get back to me, if they'll be able to do anything with it, and if, thank heavens, they are, what it will cost. BIG SIGH. I need to calm down. I will drink my iced coffee, listen to my jazz, and focus on how happy I was to see Dylan this morning, how lucky I am to have an awesome job to come to everyday, and how nice I feel in my silky blue dress and pearls.

Photoshoot Phun - Pics to Phollow

Good afternoon, Sunday! And yes, I just got up :) I went to bed last night at around 2AM, and Dylan got up at 10 to start homework. I was pretty sure I could get up when he did and start reading or doing my 750 words, or whatever it is I wanted to do, but then I thought, "Hey, it's Sunday! Why not go back to sleep?" AND I DID. Until about 20 minutes ago at noon. I'd definitely say that sleeping in is one of my greatest luxuries on this planet. That, and eating really good food. And, you know, being in love. That feels like a luxury sometimes.

But the sleep was nice. After waking up so early yesterday, drinking a cafe mocha with four shots of espresso and then drinking a Worx energy drink before meeting up with Jess and Marie, I was kind of strung out. Then, we had our photo shoot and ended up out at dinner until after ten o'clock! Then, Dylan and I came back and took a look at his database and then watched television until after midnight and THEN I read and he watched TV until even later. It was a long, long day. But a great day.

The photoshoot was a lot of fun! I was a little nervous about it. I was worried I wouldn't look good in the outfit I was given to wear. I was worried that the woman we were going to see wouldn't be good at doing hair or makeup. I was worried a little bit about all these things. But all my fears were put aside. We first got there without Marie, and Jess and I went up to check out the wardrobe room. Jacqui picked out a pink checkered corset with boning for me, along with a leopard print pencil skirt. I wasn't sure about the patterns going together, but she said she loved mixing and matching, so I was ready to be on board.

After we picked out our clothes, we went down to her hair dressing room and we started hair and make up. I was first! She started on my hair first, curling and hair spraying section after section until I had what Jess and I have dubbed "doll hair." Then she started on my makeup. Between the soft browns she used, the lovely blush, the thick liquid black liner and the fake eyelashes, I said I looked like a Disney princess! Jess said I had doe eyes! I looked so adorable, I must admit!

Marie arrived while I was getting my hair done, and I have to say (we discussed this at the Olive Garden later that night) that my favorite part of the day was just sitting in the hair dressing room and talking and talking with each other, and with Jacqui, about anything and everything. It was just great to be hanging out for a few hours, chatting, with no where to go and nothing to do except get pretty looking. Such a joy. It really made me remember how fun it is to hang out with Marie and Jess and I had such a good time!

Jess got her hair and makeup done next, and then it was Marie's turn. We all got dressed, as we were going, finishing with Marie putting on her adorable teddy and heels. I was laced super tightly into my corset. I felt like I didn't look any smaller than usual, but it did really, really define my waist big time, which was kind of cool. I thought the pencil skirt was really flattering on me too, and although I originally wanted to show more leg, I was really happy with how the outfit turned out. And of course, I loved how I looked in the heels, even though I hardly ever wear them out!

Then, we proceeded to the studio to get our pictures taken after hours of getting ready! Marie put on some music with her iphone and speakers (Marie, who also had provided the vodka cranberry and alcoholic whipped cream), and we got to work! I went first. Jacqui had me posing on a stool, down on the floor on my knees, laying down, and sitting with my back to her, turning my head back. She was really helpful about coaching me on how to look and what to do! After I was done posing, she had Jess and Marie get in the shots with me, so I could get changed after. I can't wait to see the pictures when they're done- of me, of them, of all of us! I'm so excited!

It was such a great experience, and a fun thing to do with just the girls. I'll definitely blog some of the photos when I get them. Yay!

Magic Happens...

...when you least expect it. And sometimes when you do kind of expect it, but doubt that it will actually materialize, it does.

I followed my heart and intuition to NY on Friday for my friend Cal's whirlwind USA-visit party and to see my forever long-lost friend Justin who has recently planted himself in Brooklyn, despite only having $100 until my next paycheck.

And here I am, only $57 poorer, having traveled the globe and met 1,000,000 people. Well, maybe that's an exaggeration. But I came away with a new white tank top, a pair of CVS moon-boot flip flops, a homemade mix disc of world music, a giant rooster glass and a 1940s water pitcher. Not to mention about 4,398 photos. You can see my up and coming photo galleries on picasa or just on facebook, which, let's be real...is where the pictures seem to be these days.

So, I don't think I made out too badly, in terms of monetary decrease to material gain and emotional release. I got to have a Magner's on ice at Niall's. I got to see old friends from college and high school...and, as always, meet brand new ones. I got to share my Sharpies with a drunken man at Pete's Candy Shop while trying to dictate the name of the band playing (Barons in the Attic, or as he wrote on his hand, Barons in vthe Atti c,) as his date was giving my friend a long range lap dance. I refused pie and felt proud and refused drugs and felt even prouder. I slept on a kitchen floor and only thought briefly about the bugs that may end up in my hair. (None were found- if they did, they only visited and left politely before I woke.) I woke at 7:21 and left a note on my folded blankets and proceeded to walk to Bedford Avenue and just be. I was greeted in New Jersey by Michael, my tiny gamma ray of a man, with a rainbow boa "lai" and a small shower of rose petals. I was treated to a picnic of fresh mozzarella, Jersey tomato and Wertlieb Family Garden Basil sandwiches, in the middle of the Radburn, NJ park, the hippie Jewish commune town in Fair Lawn. I fell in love with them. I saw butterflies. I didn't look at a clock for hours. I listened to cicadas and didn't get angry. I made peace with my big toes and their corpulence. I navigated to Bryn Mawr with sleepy wrong turns and missed exits. I made the bed. I made drinks. I made Mike smile. I had an outfit concocted for me, before my eyes, out of a pair of dress pants and half a pair of leggings. I applied make up in the dark speeding car. I took a breath and opened my eyes to see far more than I had seen in some time. I touched a latex hand-mold. I watched a woman's back get pierced. I watched a man suspend a woman by cords and carabeners. I applied mascara to a friend in a cage. I danced with leather clad and lace clad and bunny-costume clad party-goers. I played leader. And I played follower. I rolled with the punches. I laughed at myself. I swallowed my pride. I had fun. I ran in the rain. I sat in my office in dark eye makeup and packed my laptop bag. I bought fruit and eggs at 4AM. I got checked out by a teenager (agh!) while in shorts and heels. I felt tall. I am tall. I slept and slept and slept til 11:30. I made eggs and silver dollar pancakes. I was fed pancakes by a gentle clover-honey-bearing man as I flipped the ones cooking. I made mix tapes. I was baptized by Amma holy water and hugged by my tiny vagabond. I debated jumping in his car and running away from home to roam. I took stock and decided instead to wave goodbye. I joined Jess to fold and purge my clothing collection and reorganize my room and listen to a tale of whirlwind romance. I feel cleansed. I feel new. Again.

And it is time....to start the week all over again. After, of course, some veggies and beans and steak and Wall-E. And sewing. I am going to try to approach all things this week with the zennist of zen minds. And an eye on accuracy and efficiency. Cropping down excesses seems to be working out well for me. Don't spend unnecessarily, don't worry, don't procrastinate, don't get sidetracked, don't dally; just do the basics. Mantra, written. Now, to make that steak...