I was in the shower last night and realized that I'm not very interesting. Yes, I can carry on interesting conversations with people, and talk about things that are beyond my daily routine, but for the most part, the things that are on my mind are my own concerns: my money, my health and body, my relationships and my job. And outside of that, what do I have?
Well, let's see. I like to read. I like music. I like going to concerts and downloading new singers and musicians, but I don't make music anymore. I like art and finding new artists, but I'm not particularly knowledgeable about any of them, nor do I make it a point to seek out art in my day to day life. I even stopped going to sketch class on Mondays and Wednesdays. I like cooking and dining out, but I don't think I know enough about gourmet food to be considered a true "foodie". And I love wine, but I'm definitely not up to speed enough about wines to be considered an expert on that. I enjoy political discussions, but I'm not informed enough. I love traveling, but I don't make or save enough money to do it regularly.
I guess what I'm saying is that I like a lot of things, but I don't think I'm particularly great at any one thing or pursue anything with abandon enough to say that I have a passion. So that most of the time, my brain is not consumed with any deep amazing thoughts that keep me in a state of thinking and thinking, I'm mostly pondering what I should do about my credit card debt and how I shouldn't have bought those concert tickets yesterday, even though it's going to be an amazing time.
I don't know if this means I should pick something to be passionate about and pursue it, or if I'm ok leading a life without that kind of fire for say ART! Or WINE! Cause I'm an ART PERSON! OR A WINE PERSON! Also, with all of my time spent seeing friends, running errands, going to the gym and working, I don't know when I would find extra time to put into something that I'm assuming would take a lot of extra time.
My dear friend Kaela volunteers as the Executive Director now (she has risen high in the ranks) of the Boho Theater Company in Chicago and spends many hours every week meeting, planning, coordinating, attending rehearsals or auditions and anything else that needs to be done. She does this in addition to her day job AND her school work (she is getting her masters degree currently). I cannot fathom how she finds the time for everything and still has time for herself.
I was actually thinking of applying to get a masters degree myself last year, before I made the decision to pursue writing at my company. I knew it would be a lot of work, and I vowed that I would still find time for all the things I loved. But to be honest, I don't know if I could have done it and still kept up with everything I want to do. At this point in my life, I am happy supplementing my knowledge and degree with conferences, meetup groups, articles and books: things that are manageable in pieces and do not span months or years of my life.
But this brings me back to the place where I still worry that I am not interesting enough. That I am not passionate enough about any one thing to be a person with passion. Does it count to be passionately in love with one's partner? Does being in love make you interesting? I'm thinking the world of single people thinks it does not. And I think it makes people glad that you're in a relationship that makes you happy, but they don't wish to see you more because of it. They don't say "Oh Amanda was cool before, but ever since she got that boyfriend, she's been AWESOME to hang out with!"
I guess to broaden that concept a bit more, I could simply be passionate about my relationships. I think that's what it's all about anyway. That's what I could dwell on in the dark of night: how to strengthen my relationships with my friends, my family, my boyfriend, my coworkers. That's something that's important to me. And whether or not that makes me interesting, I guess will just have to be determined later. I could take all of my little interests and infuse them into my relationships in little ways thereby making them bigger by the communities of which they're a part. And that doesn't sound half bad.
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