Weeks 46-52

Well it took me a year to get here (actually, it's been almost 4 years since this journey began!), and I haven't been the best about updating weekly, but I've done my best to stay on track. I think I'm still going to blog about fitness in the new year, but maybe with a little bit of a looser structure. I'd still like to keep track of my weight, as I'm still a few pounds off from my goal. I think overall, this year was a success. From January 1, 2012 to December 31, 2012, I've gone from 217.4 to 193 pounds, almost a 25 pound loss for the year! If I can lose even half that in 2013, I'll be happy.

This year, I'm looking to increase my running speed and my overall muscle tone through targeted workouts. And I'm looking to get better at yoga. My personal training sessions expire January 31, so I'm looking to fulfill all of my credits before then and build up a great repertoire of workouts. And then, I might put some of that extra money into yoga classes for the new year! Anything to stay active and sharp.

And for food, I'm looking to continue my trend of cooking healthy lunches ahead of time, and focusing mainly on produce and lean protein. For the first couple weeks of January, I'm going to try to go light on the refined sugar, since I think that's what helped me put on a few pounds during the holidays, but like always, I'm not going to be too strict.

Here's to a happy and healthy 2013 for everyone, no matter what your goals!!

xo

Weight- 193lbs
30 Min. Run- 2 miles in 23.5 minutes
Pounds from goal- 9lbs

Week 45

This week was mostly good. I made healthy choices last weekend for the most part and have been great about getting to the gym (5x a week this week!) I'm hoping to squeeze under the 190s next week and get even closer to my goal. If I can make it to my goal by the end of the year, I will feel super accomplished and can make it my new goal to keep getting healthier and maintain or lose more, but with no number attached to it. I think it'll make for even better progress.

This weekend, we have a party to go to, and lots of work to get done. Hoping to get in at least one other workout and maybe a walk in the nice brisk late fall air.

Dylan's been very supportive of my goals, but still brings me CARBS and MORE CARBS when I'm feeling down - like a chicken hoagie and donuts last night. It's up to me to put a limit on what and how much I eat, but it's sometimes tough.

Here's to a great weekend and a great week next week to all! Happy almost Veteran's Day!

Weight- 190.6lbs
30 Min. Run- None! I've been doing 1 mile runs. I will try a 30 min. run next week. Putting off C25K until the new year.
Pounds from goal- 6.6lbs

Weeks 43 & 44

The past couple of weeks have been hectic and a little stressful, but I've been hanging in there. We took a trip to DC that included eating LOTS AND LOTS of good food. And also good friends, Jim and Erin and the newest addition to the family- a baby bump! The following weekend I was prepping to go to a conference in NYC (and sporting a great banana costume to a Halloween party!), but then Hurricane Sandy hit and changed my plans. Instead, we stayed in and what else? Ate and ate and ate. I'm more back on track than I was before, but I was a little bummed that I could make it into the 180s by November, as I was on track to do a couple weeks ago.

This journey is teaching me that even when you're near the weight you want to be, there will still be ups and downs to deal with. There will always be events and dinners out and holidays and your boyfriend will bring you to get fast food and it's up to you to make good decisions no matter where you are and what the situation. It's also important to remember that one bad day (or three or four!) isn't going to break the scale. I was sure when I got on the scale this Wednesday, it was going to say 205 pounds or something. I was convinced I had just gained 15 pounds. Well, it never happened. I'm learning that while it's good to make good decisions most of the time, sometimes you can have some time to eat ice cream and pasta and drink beer. To be honest, feasting on amazing food, healthy or not as much, is part of what makes being a human being great. I don't want to miss out on all of that.

These are great things to keep in mind as we gear up for Thanksgiving and Christmas, where there will be parties and events galore! Happy November everyone!

Weight- 193lbs
30 Min. Run- None! I've been doing 1 mile runs. Starting C25K at 5.5 or 6 MPH next week.
Pounds from goal- 9lbs

Weeks 40-42

It's been a great couple of weeks! The first weekend of October, we all went to Brigantine to relax, eat, drink and play for a few days to celebrate some friends' 30th birthdays. And the following weekend, I made both a curry chicken pot pie AND homemade pasta on two separate days. Carbs galore and I didn't gain a bunch of weight.

I feel like I'm finally relaxing into incorporating carbs into my day to day. Not having strict "good days" and then free-for-all "bad days" when it comes to eating.

I'm also trying to spice up my workout routine. I tried to go to Zumba this week, but the instructor was a disappointing TWENTY minutes late (by which time I had already been on the treadmill for 12 minutes). Next week, I want to try yoga! As I'm getting closer to my goal, I'm realizing that I'm going to want to keep working hard once I've reached it, not just to lose more weight, but to keep building muscle and more importantly - staying healthy!

I'm so proud that my parents have been going to the gym and eating healthier lately, and I hope I've had some little part of inspiring them by forging my own journey into getting healthy. I've got a few more months until next year's physical and my next round of blood work is in 6 months. I want to see how healthy I can get by then! #1 goal besides being a healthy weight: HAVING HEALTHY BLOOD PRESSURE.

One of the only annoying things about this last 25 pounds I've lost this year is that none (and I mean almost 100%) of my old clothes fit. Some dresses are passable since I can cinch the waist, but I am in the midst of trying to piece together an entire new wardrobe that actually fits and accentuates my figure...all while living in my own apartment, paying for a personal trainer, and having JUST bought a car. Whew. Money's tight these days, but I can get through it. And having a new body to work on and be proud of is worth it!

Weight- 190.4lbs
30 Min. Run- None! I've been doing 1 mile runs @ 6mph.
Pounds from goal- 6.4lbs

Week 39

I can't believe I've been at this for 39 weeks. Well, more like, I've been at this for 3 1/2 years, but who's counting? :) At mid-week, I had dropped another pound from my lowest last week, but then I was up a pound and a half the next day (due to some overindulgence in Taco Bell - yes, I still eat fast food from time to time!) I'm choosing to record my lowest weight, and if I'm up next week before my trip...well, at least I'm in the 190s. That's my goal for our trip to Brigintine next week. I'm not fooling myself into thinking I'm going to lose weight while I'm away, but I would like to stay around the 195/196 area if possible. I AM bringing some healthy snacks and breakfast items along with my running shoes, ipod and workout clothes. If I can get one or two runs in and maybe a circuit or two, I'll be a happy camper. That's a lofty goal, as I don't typically get much working out done on vacation, but we'll see!

Things went well this week. I skipped the gym Sunday, but made up for it with some healthy eating. I had my fitness evaluation on Tuesday and my body fat decreased again, though since there are multiple settings that say my body fat is two different percentages, I don't know what it actually is... I had a harder time with my run than last week. Maybe I need to start running twice a week? But when I hit my weight goal, I wanted to start doing other things...pilates, yoga, Zumba. And I have my trainer until January of next year, so I'll keep up working with him until then. I guess I just need to evaluate what my priorities for fitness are!

Have a great weekend all! Make good choices!

Weight- 191.8lbs
30 Min. Run- 2.57 (Little slip from 2.60, and I did some walking...)
Pounds from goal- 7.8lbs

Week 38

Somehow, some way, the weight is finally coming off. I've lost another 2.5 pounds since last week and that included going WAY off track with french fries, fried fish, a blue cheese burger and an amazing and crazy filling Greek dinner last night. I think (aside from the fried food last Friday), I'm finally making an effort daily (or almost daily) to make great choices with food. And since I've put myself on a crazy budget for money, I'm eating out less and eating lunch out next to not at all. Because of this, I've been bringing super healthy salads with tuna or chicken and apples to snack on. And instead of drinking coffee with half and half out every morning, I'm drinking lots more tea again. Green tea, which is supposed to help promote weight loss!

Overall, life is going so great now that this weight loss is just an added bonus. I may even reach my goal before the end of the year!

A concern I talked to my dear friend Meredith about the other night was as I am reaching my goal (less than 9 pounds away now!), I am realizing that weighing 184 pounds, having a healthy BMI for the first time in my adult life...well, it doesn't mean that I am going to be magically happy with my body at 184 pounds. I might try to keep losing weight. I might come up with a new goal. I might not be happy with my body if I someday weigh 160 pounds! I can't IMAGINE that, but I can imagine that somethings on my body would still sag and be droopy and my thighs would still look too big when I sit down, and all that kind of stuff.

What I need to focus on is all the GOOD I do for my body and all the good it does for me. That's what's important to me right now. Not starving myself into reaching my goals, but eating for health and eating to sustain my energy and working out consistently to make sure my muscles and heart stay in good shape. Sculpting a new body and getting rid of that jiggly bit under my arms...well that's secondary. And the important thing I'm also trying to keep in mind- I can buy new clothes that fit my body better, and make me look great everyday even if I don't feel like I always look great naked :)

So to wrap for today, here are the stats:


Weight- 192.8lbs
30 Min. Run- 2.60 (steady and strong at 5.0 mph - no walking! AGAIN.)
Pounds from goal- 8.8lbs

Life is kicking along...in a good way.

I'm going a little crazy today. I don't know why. I'm just having trouble focusing. I guess you can't help that sometimes. Mostly, things are going really well. I really have very few complaints about my life, even though I bought a car without thinking and am living on a crazy budget all of a sudden. It's kind of an adventure...surviving without money. I'm digging it so far, but it's only been 2 weeks. Talk to me about it in 2 months.

My main goal is to keep putting money in savings and NOT rack up crazy credit card debt by doing so. If I can get to my bonus and tax return doing these two things (and that means making it past Atlantic City, DC, Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas), I will be a champion in my own eyes.

Oh yeah, and while doing that, I'm trying to lose even more weight and take on a new role at my company while simultaneously doing the job I do now. Holy wow, it seems like I'm taking on a lot. I read on facebook the other day "If it scares you, you might want to think about doing it" or some such stuff. (That's not verbatim.) I believe that's what I'm doing with the second half of this year.

It's been a pretty awesome year with Dylan and reveling in all that being in love stuff, but I guess I was finally ready for new challenges, so I'm taking on the world. On top of the financial goals, the health goals and the work goals, I also want to volunteer! And organize my house, getting rid of things I don't need anymore. I'm supposed to tackle clothing tomorrow. I think it'll make getting dressed in the morning a lot easier if I'm not sifting through a million things to get to the clothes that fit and look good. It's the borderline stuff - the stuff you can pair with other things and have it look alright - that is going to be tough to deal with. I don't want to pare my wardrobe down so much that I only have a few outfits. But at the same time, if it doesn't fit, I've got to get rid of it and get a new one! Or get something else that's even better. Either way, I've got a lot of work ahead of me.

And maybe once all that money is saved up, and my credit card is free and clear, I can go on a little shopping spree and get myself some nice new clothes that fit well and are good quality. I'm thinking good stores + sales rack = the way to go.

Not even thinking of all the things I want to get for my house. I just wish Dylan was done with school sooner so we could start our dual income life. It's going to be a lot easier to afford things like vacuum cleaners and ironing boards and Dutch ovens, when I'm not the only one paying rent and utilities. I know it won't be perfect, and I know life will be an adjustment no matter what, but I'm really looking forward to building my life with him.

And of course, it has a hell of a lot more to do with waking up next to him each day and snuggling up to him each night than it does to do with splitting expenses. It's just a nice bonus, and I think once we're both working, we can have a really good life together. I'm excited for that day to come.

I have always had a hard time coming up with a 5 year plan, but I think I'm close to finally being able to come up with one! With work, my relationship, my goals...the stars are aligning, and I feel like the road in front of me is actually clearing up a little bit and I can see where it is that I'm going. That is, instead of just going day by day, week by week, and hoping I end up somewhere I want to be. Not that that hasn't worked out well for me these past few years! Nonetheless, I'm happy to say I'm in a good place, and working on making it even better. Here I go :)

Weeks 33 - 37?!!!!

Yes, it's been forever since I've posted and even longer since I posted about my fitness journey. The past month has been a lot of travel, a lot of partying and dining out with friends and because of that , a lot of eating. I did great at working out in August, but September has only seen ONE day at the gym so far. BAD RECORD. Luckily, I did some swimming over Labor Day Weekend, played tons on a  playground with some 5 year olds last Tuesday and walked a 5K on Saturday, so I haven't been completely without activity. I did however, just get a car, so I don't want to let myself get too lazy and drive to the train everyday! I will still be walking in the city and going to the gym everyday I can; I'm also looking to get another pair of running shoes and a sports bra to be able to run in the evenings at home in addition to working out at the gym. How's that for dedicated!?

Since I've been really trying to watch what I eat (with lots of splurges, of course), I've managed to lose another 1.5 pounds in the past month, down from 197 on August 10.

I had a ton of carbs tonight, but that run really took it out of me and even though I ate some turkey chili before coming home, I still felt ravenous. Here's hoping a dedicated rest of the week and a responsible weekend will earn me another pound down next week...closing in on the 10 pounds left mark!!!

Weight- 195.4lbs
30 Min. Run- 2.60 (steady and strong at 5.0 mph - no walking!)
Pounds from goal- 11.4lbs

Is it August already?

It's been a long time since I've written, and I feel like I miss writing so much. I really want to get doing this again every day, but it's so hard when you're not in the rhythm to make it a priority. I'll try for September's challenge I suppose. Though, we're going to the shore Labor Day weekend, so I don't know how that will go (if we'll have wifi or not).

Life is going quite well. Things with Dylan are great, I've been having fun with friends and coworkers, I'm actually genuinely excited to try new things at work, and I'm about to go see my family for the third time this summer. I've decided to stay in my place for another year or so, even though Dylan got into the University of Pennsylvania. Both cats have been to the vet and are healthy. And I've been great with going to the gym and have even dipped below 200 pounds, though with eating a half a pizza last night, we'll see how I fare on the scale today!

So all these good things ought to make me the happiest girl in the world, right? Well, for the most part I am. But I still feel really anxious some days (usually Mondays), and I had a day on Saturday where all I wanted to do was sleep and sleep and sleep some more. I didn't want to watch shows or do things, I just wanted to nap. Dylan gave me kind of a hard time about it, and I don't know if it was from exhaustion or from a minor bought of depression, but it was hard for me to snap out of it. This upcoming weekend, going home for the summer picnic, is going to be more busy and crazy, so I won't have time to sleep the day away, but when we come back, I want to make an effort to get up by 9AM on the weekend and maybe do some light exercise to get my body going. Maybe write! Wink wink nudge nudge. I'd love to get into more of a routine on the weekend and maybe get stuff accomplished, but it's hard when Dylan's there and there's not much for him to do at my house except watch TV.

Anyhow, other than my anxious days and the occasional super sleepy day, life has been good. As I said, Dylan got into Penn and I couldn't be happier for him. He's already invested in lots of Penn gear - 2 sweatshirts, a polo and a cute sporty T-shirt for me! We decided to put off moving in together for the time being, since he doesn't have a job aside from tutoring and it could put a strain on us for him not to have an income and us having all sorts of expenses. I think it's smart, but there's still part of me that's yearning to come home from work each night and get to see him. Even if we don't hang out all night, just to be able to give him a kiss or make him dinner would be lovely. But all good things come in time. So I'm sure whenever it does happen, it'll be worth the wait. And by then, we'll be even more sure that it's right.

Work has been pretty exciting, as I said. I've been spending lots of time after work with other coworkers as well as investigating new avenues of work itself. I rented a car and took a trip up to Morristown to meet with our resident social media expert on Monday. She told me a lot about what it is she does - profiling and auditing clients social media presence, sometimes in a crisis, to find out what people are saying (good and bad) and then making recommendations based upon this to help them engage with their customers or investors, whoever their audience might be. It's all incredibly interesting to me, and it's in a space I feel very comfortable in, since I've been involved in social media for the better part of 10 years on some level. I'm going to have one other chat today, with someone else in a different department. But I'm actually getting excited about new opportunities to learn and grow and work with different people!

I'm about to dive into my last full work day before my trip, and there's a lot to do, but I'm glad I could take a few minutes to write. I've owed it to myself, at the very least :)

Week 32

Got to the gym FIVE TIMES THIS WEEK. AND going to body combat Sunday. Hopefully that makes up for the fact that my 30 minute run on Monday consisted of 19 odd minutes of walking and jogging. Oh well. Lots of good things happening- dinner out for Kate's last day Thursday night and another dinner out to celebrate Dylan's getting into school Sunday night.




I also met with the fitness manager this week, Artis, who not only was shocked at my weigh-in, but told me that my body fat has gone from 31.8% to 26.9%! I was amazed.

So I'll try not to ruin this over the next couple of weeks by eating too much, and keep up the gym workouts. Here's hoping for more success!

Weight- 197lbs
30 Min. Run- None! :(
Pounds from goal- 13lbs

Week 31

Only got to the gym twice this week, but one was a great 30 min. run- getting back into the swing of things- and the other was an awesome and ass-kicking session with my trainer. I had a trip to NY Thursday and a very sleepy Amanda on my hands today (Friday), so hoping to get some activity in over the weekend (circuit on Saturday, dancing at a concert Saturday night, maybe body combat or treadmill at Dylan's on Sunday), and keep up my healthy eating habits. ASIDE, of course, for our plans to have ice cream and wine tonight.

Last I checked at the gym, I had lost another .2 pounds. Not much to speak of, but it wasn't a gain and MAN, I've lost a ton in a month and a half, I don't want to get greedy.

Thanks to all my facebook workout friends for their support and my other awesome facebook friends for cheering me on as I hit 100 pounds lost and beyond!

Weight- 198lbs
30 Min. Run- 2.62 (only .13 away from my highest this year!)
Pounds from goal- 14lbs

Week 30

Hard to believe it's been 30 weeks since this year began. I'm a bit nostalgic for the beginning of the year. I feel even back then, things were a little simpler in my life. But it's all part of growing up, and I'm doing the best I can with everything. I actually discovered on Friday last week that I CAN, in fact, work out in the morning. Glory be! I get to the office around 7:20, drop off my laptop and grab my gym bag. I can do a run, 30 minutes of other cardio, a weight circuit, pretty much any of my standard solo workouts. I think this is a great alternative to doing these solo jobbies at lunch. And then I can save my precious lunch workouts for classes. Same with after work. Now the real kicker will be if I ever find it in myself to run in the morning and go to a class after work. We'll see if I ever get there.

More good news this week! I had a big eating weekend at home last weekend, but somehow, some way, I got back on track Sunday and by the time I stepped on the scale yesterday- BAM! Under 200 pounds for the first time...ever? I mean, I was a baby once. I know I weighed under 200 pounds. And I know in fourth grade, I weighed 132. So somewhere in there, I GOT to 200 pounds. I just never left. Even when working out 2-4 hours a day in crew. Even when running and working 2 jobs when I was 21. This is what they refer to as a BFD. I'm proud of this. I haven't reached my goal, but this has been a life goal much longer than I knew what BMI or my body fat percentage was. This is about feeling like a girl and not like a giant. This shot my self esteem up 10 points.

I know they say not to base your progress on a number on the scale, but it was a great number to see. Didn't work out last weekend, but I plan on walking NYC tomorrow, and hitting up body combat on Sunday if I can make it. And I got to the gym FOUR WHOLE TIMES this week. M/W/F at 7:30AM, and yesterday for cardio jam class at lunch. ROCKING. Happy weekend all!

Weight- 198.2lbs (18.8lbs lost since 1/4/12)
30 Min. Run- 2.51 (I got a long way to get back to where I was!)
Pounds from goal- 14.2lbs (eep!)

Weeks 28 & 29

So I've been pretty terrible about posting this past month or so. Next week, I'm going to try to be better. Both about blogging and about working out. I went to body combat on Sunday this week, and did a mile run and my first training circuit (pushups, crunches and squats) today.

Last week, body combat Sunday, my fifth training circuit (lots of weights!) on Wednesday and my cardio jam class on Thursday.  But I just feel like I should be doing more and that I may be losing muscle by not training hard enough.

I decided to take my measurements tonight since it's been over 6 months since I last did them!

Hips- 43.5" (down from 46")
Waist- 34.5" (down from 37")
Belly- 40" (down from 43")
Rib cage- 38" (down from 42")
Bust- 43.5" (down from 45")
Upper Arm- 14.5" (down from 15")
Upper Thigh- 27" (down from 28")
Calf- holding strong at 17" (not shocking)
Weight- 201.8lbs today! (down from 217lbs on 1/4/12)
30 Min. Run- 2.75 Miles Top Run, No Run in 3 Weeks. For SHAME.
Pounds from goal- 17.8lbs (down from 33lbs)

This is really exciting! I'm shrinking, and I didn't even realize it! The exciting news is I'm just ounces away from hitting the 100 pounds lost mark. This has been a journey of more than 3 years, but it's been a great one :)

Only 17.8 pounds to go and from there, I can set a new goal!

Week 25, 26, 27

I have been terrible about blogging! It's been three weeks since my last entry about my fitness journey. The good news is that I've lost weight! At least I have up until today (going for a few drinks tonight!) The entirety of week 25 I spent home for my uncle's funeral. I worked out the Sunday before and the Sunday afterwards. Week 26 I got back to the gym Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, getting in a 30 minute run, a circuit from my trainer and a jaunt on the elliptical, plus lots of crunches and pushups. I worked out again on Sunday, and then last week, put in work on Tuesday and Friday, running a mile at top speed on Tuesday, and doing some hard weight lifting with my trainer on Friday. I plan to get to the gym tomorrow morning, and then have a fun filled day with Dylan at the movies, capped off by a healthy dinner out somewhere. I am only 5 pounds away from breaking the 200 pound mark, and I couldn't be happier. To celebrate (yes, prematurely), I bought some new dresses, one of which I'll wear out tonight! Now to see about that run....

Weight- 204 lbs!!!!
30 Min. Run- 2.64 (from week 26 - down .11 from my high)
Pounds from goal- 20 lbs!!!!!!!!!!!

To My Uncle Ed

We’re a loud and chatty and impossibly fun family, and Uncle Ed has always been a part of that. Uncle Ed wasn’t as loud as a lot of us are, but he was always able to cut through the noise with a keen observation or curious question, bantering with the best. It was the time he and I spent chatting the few times a year we’d get together that I’ll truly miss the most. He gave some of the best hugs ever. And that beard was legendary. He also had a gift for finding the coolest books – he found an author by my name once and proceeded to give and send me three of her books to add to my collection. Whether at my parents’ summer picnic, the annual Christmas party at Eileen’s or my occasional visit to Burlington, Uncle Ed and I always spent time chatting. And thanks to the magic of facebook, he always knew what was going on in my life. He helped me become a Red Sox fan transplant to Philadelphia, warning me of the dangers of Phillies-fan-dom. He got a call once for Comcast, my biggest client in Philly, and said he didn’t want to mention my name, since he didn’t want to brag that he knew me. He even got to know Dylan a bit last summer, and got to joking around with him on facebook as well. It meant a lot to me that he took such an interest in my life and always made sure I knew it.

From reading the messages from all his friends and family, I know that I was not alone in feeling this special bond with Uncle Ed. He lived his life simply, but fuller and more richly than many on this earth, making it about the connections he had and the lives he touched. I think all of us cousins, and his amazing kids Henry and Natalie, all got a bit of his sense of humor in our own. A wry observation, a good pun or a play on words will always remind me of Uncle Ed. His passing has made all of us cry, but I think he’d want us to remember how he’s made us all laugh hundreds of times over. That laughter and caring spirit is what will always stay with us, until the day we meet again. And just think, by the time we get to Heaven, Uncle Ed will have all the good bakeries and coffee shops scoped out and he’ll show us all around. We’ll love you always, Uncle Ed.
__________


I'm on the bus now to meet Josh and Kristi in Albany. We're going to go get some pizza and then I'm going to hang out with Meredith at my parents' house. To be honest, I could really use a drink. The past couple of days have been really crazy, and I wish I didn't feel this loss as deeply as I have, but maybe it's a good thing. Maybe it means it will get easier in time. Or maybe that's a crock, and I'll always feel loss like I do now. Tomorrow's the visiting hours and service. The words above are what I've written to read. I wanted to make a tribute somehow, because Uncle Ed was really one of my favorite relatives and meant a lot to me. I feel the worst for Natalie and Henry. I can't imagine losing my father at their age. Well, I can't imagine losing my father at my age. I know it'll happen someday, but I hope it's long after I'm married and my kids have gotten ample time to get to know and hang out with their Grandpa Ed. Natalie and Henry will never get that and that makes me so sad. I'm staying overnight in Vermont on Wednesday night so I can attend the burial on Thursday. And hopefully, have some time to hang out with my cousins. I want to see what they are all doing tomorrow night. Maybe this will give us some time to be with each other some more. This whole thing is making me think I need to work harder at knowing my family. They're the only ones I will ever have and they mean so much to me.

I also need to get something for my mom. I can't imagine losing my brother and this must be the hardest of all on her (in our family). Uncle Ed was such a strong presence in everyone's life, it'll be weird at family events now without him.

One good thing is that this has kind of put the whole work stress in perspective. And everyone from the office has been very supportive. Rob even gave me a hug :) They're good people, and I'm lucky to have them. And I'm lucky to have all of the family I'm off to see. Here goes.

Week 24

This week was pretty great. I did a 45 minute elliptical run, a good portion of my cardio jam class along with my 30 min. run. Thursday, my company had a picnic, so I was up early to head to Northern Jersey to play volleyball and frisbee. I drank beer that day, but only had 5 in 10 hours, so I don't think I did a bad job of keeping things in check!

I didn't get to weigh myself this week, but I'm going to pretend I'm holding strong at 211 until my real weigh in.

Fun things to come!

Weight- 211 lbs (ish...)
30 Min. Run- 2.71 (still down .04 from my high)
Pounds from goal- 27 lbs

Attitude is everything. And also money.

Side note, preface-thingy: yesterday, I felt awful. I wanted to move away and start a new life. I felt like a failure in every way. I couldn't even watch TV without my brain telling me all the things that were wrong with my life. And then this is today:

OMG. Today has kicked yesterday's ASS. I don't know what my problem was yesterday. Scratch that. I do know what it was. I was second guessing myself. I was taking things personally, and I was letting negative thoughts overtake my brain. Today, I have taken charge of the world and it is MINE! I've talked, hung out, gone on walks, brought my own lunch, and am about ready to hit the gym for a good old fashioned RUN. I am so psyched for life today, which is the exact opposite of how I felt yesterday. Today, nothing can stop me. I think it's all about attitude. The thing I've noticed about the two really good days that I've had this week has been that I've come in with a plan. Just a simple plan to make an effort to talk to the people around me. Obviously things escalated from the plan, and have gone well from there, but I think the attitude of having a plan makes things worlds better.

Maybe I should start every day like that. I don't know if I would absolutely need that, but I do need to remind myself that I'm worthy and smart and funny sometimes. Dylan does a good job of reminding me too. I can't believe how upset I was last night, and how things seem so much better and brighter today. I guess I am no longer the bright, shiny, positive person I am EVERY day. But I certainly am today.

One of the things that is on my mind today is saving money. If I can start bringing in salads or wraps from Trader Joe's instead of buying my lunch out everyday, I think I can save myself at least $20 per week. Maybe $30. And with ceasing the organic produce delivery for the time being, I'm eating less fruit, but I am able to snack on baby carrots and cherry tomatoes for only about $3 a week from Sue's. And buying salad stuff for home only costs another $8-$10 a week which saves me $15. That's $45 in my pocket right there, just from eating smarter! And with Dylan and I going out less (or him getting paid more and paying for us more!), I think I can work to pay down my credit card this summer and save the money I need for our vacation to Atlantic City this fall.

I'm hoping our other trips this summer can be low-budget. Aside from gas and tolls, we'll be doing a lot of meals with family, and like Kaela's mom's party, catered by others! I will make sure to pack lots of yummy road snacks from Trader Joe's and the odd order of fries from a rest stop won't kill our budget. The more I figure out where my money is going, the more I feel like I could really run a household and a family someday. It's a very empowering feeling. And to someday have BOTH of our incomes to use and plan with- well, gosh, that will be just heaven on earth. I'm sure we won't ever have more money than we know what to do with, or fatty fat fat savings and trusts for our children, but I have a feeling we'll be doing alright for ourselves pretty soon down the line.

And gosh, I know Dylan sleeping over last night was nice. He really makes me happy. I can't wait to spend my life making him happy too. That's it. My sappy romantic blurt is over.

Back to money! I joined Pear a few months back, a really cool budgeting website. I've been supremely diligent about inputting all of my expenses, but I haven't actually gone through and revised my budget or analyzed my spending. I think I might need some help with that. Maybe my mom or Dylan would be able to take a look and advise me. I think I'll be able to tell where I'm going over in spending (TRAVEL! CLOTHING!) but I'm not sure really what to do about that except to adjust my budget to account for the things I need to spend. To be honest, I don't buy THAT many clothes. And I think I only budgeted $500 for each for the year, and that doesn't seem like that much when you break it down by month.

Something I always want to be able to do is go out to dinner. It doesn't have to be at fancy places, but it is my biggest indulgence, and I'd gladly give up take out and restaurant lunches to be able to go out to dinner every now and then. I think it's time to set some financial goals! Stand by. (But not really, because it won't be for a few days!)

Week 23

The first full week back at work, and I worked out 4 times! Plus a little circuit action this morning :) Last weekend was full of eating, but this week, I think I did rather well. I said no to bagels for the most part, made a healthy lunch choice and said no to sweets even on the day I was SOOOO tired, and paced myself (portion control!) the night boyfriend and I ate tacos! The digital scale at the gym is broken, so I used the old fashioned one, which seemed accurate, I hope, because it means I'm 2 and a half pounds down since before vacation!

I'm excited for my run next week because I want to kick this week's ass! And it's almost time to see my trainer again, but I haven't seen him around the gym to schedule something with him! I guess I'll ask at the desk next week. Happy weekend, all!

Weight- 211 lbs (ish...)
30 Min. Run- 2.72 (up .12 from last week, down .03 from my high)
Pounds from goal- 27 lbs

Week 22

Well this week it was back to work and back to the gym! I got in a few circuits at home during my vacation and Bob and I did an hour long cardio class the day of the wedding rehearsal. The cardio class was awesome! And aside from a few meals/days, I felt like I made good choices overall during vacation.

My week back, I did my 30 minute run and one day of my new circuit from my trainer. I meant to go to cardio jam and do another circuit Friday, but things got hectic. Because I was only at the gym a couple of times this week, I didn't actually weigh myself! So I'm reporting only my measly 30 minute run, that included LOTS of walking, despite that cardio class and lots of walking, I felt kind of out of shape. And to be honest, a little shaky! I'm trying to find a good balance during the week where I can cut out calories, but still feel equipped to work out.

Looking forward to a productive week of work and workouts next week- and lots of healthy eating!

Weight- ??? (we'll see next week!)
30 Min. Run- 2.60 (interval training, but w/ lots of walking! down .15 from the week before last)
Pounds from goal- ???

Week 20 & 21

Now, I have been working out a lot. I mean a lot a lot- 4 times at the gym per week, + circuit training on the weekends + extra walks. I'm not sure if my eating has been so on the other end of the spectrum that I'm sabotaging myself, but here goes: I gained 4 pounds!

I was at 213 at my fitness evaluation today. That means I'm going to have to be extra careful during my vacation, and it's going to mean lots of work when I come back. Work mostly on diet. The exercise thing I can always step up, but I think the diet is what's killing me.

I got my cholesterol taken a couple of months ago and went in to chat with the doctor about it. The good news is, even if I'm not losing weight this year like I want to, I am keeping myself very healthy, heartwise, with making good food choices.

Here's to making more good food choices on vacation, and I'll see y'all in 2 weeks!

Weight- 213.2 lbs (ugh. seriously?)
30 Min. Run- 2.75 (interval training at a higher level than last week! back up to top distance!)
Pounds from goal- 29.2lbs

Life is HAPPENING, people.

This is another little blurby excerpt, written after I reviewed Charlotte's and Studio L'Amour in Chicago. I promise more quality blogging once vacation is over. Then, it's back to real life!

That's about it for my yelp reviews. Glad I got those out of the way. I'm sure with my parents coming, and us traveling all around god's creation PA, we'll experience lots of new dining and entertainment establishments and before long, I'll have tons more to review. I wonder if I'll become an elite any time soon. I don't know what it takes to actually become an elite, but I'd sure love to be invited to their special events. That'd be snazzy, and it'd give Dylan and Susan a chance to hang out some more! I'm so glad they got along when we hung out on Saturday. She declared she loved him! In Susan-terms, that's a ringing endorsement; she doesn't give that out easily!

Life has been so good lately, I'm hoping that my upcoming vacation (starting in just 26 hours!) lives up to the lead up! I have a good amount of work to do tomorrow, and am hoping I can maintain my focus and not check out the second I realize the end is in sight (i.e. NOW). I have a lot of cleaning to do tonight, too, so I'm going to get some good music queued up on Spotify and ATTACK. Vacuuming, sweeping, dusting, washing windows, wiping down counters and sinks, lots lots lots. Hopefully, my apartment will be ship shape by the time my parents come by, whenever that may be!

SO EXCITED FOR LIFE! I might not be writing for a while, but I'll be back in June, fo sho. I'm going to join the challenge in June, and see if I can do it!

Feeling Needed...or Not.

This is a little excerpt from my 750 words from today. Just a blurb. Have a good day everyone!

And on a note I was going to tackle last week or yesterday, I would really like to cut down on my overwhelming desire to be needed. Or desire to be included. I understand that I don't need to be a part of every conversation that goes on at work. I don't need to be in every group photo that my friends take. I don't need to be the one that everyone goes to for advice. I don't need to be the one that the client emails every time. But I feel like when all of those things go out the window a little bit, and I'm left to fend for myself in a world where I might not feel so needed, it's tough for me to feel worth what I am. I know in the smart part of my brain that people love me, enjoy my company, like talking to me and care about me. I know in the smart part of my brain that people need me in their lives, or need me at work. But in the insecure part of my brain that works overtime sometimes, when things aren't going my way, I get worried that these things aren't true, and I've been deluding myself into just THINKING that people like and need me. So what I've decided is that I need to cut down on my need to feel needed. Say THAT five times fast. I'm not sure how to begin this. Anyone have any ideas?

Week 19

I didn't actually weigh myself in this week, so we're going to assume I've stayed the same. I weigh in with the trainer manager next Friday, so I'll have my super official weigh in and find out if my body fat's gone down at all.

The good news is I can now do 30+ pushups (I've been doing 2 sets of 20 on the bosu ball for my circuit!). And I'm talking REAL pushups. I don't go down super low, but I'm not balanced on my knees!

Working on getting my fruits and veggies this week, and worked out four whole times! Way better than two times the week before. Hoping to also get my circuit in once or twice this weekend :)

Weight- 209.4lbs (staying solid)
30 Min. Run- 2.72 (down .03 from two weeks ago, not bad for missing a week!)
Pounds from goal- 25.4lbs

Life This Week

Well hello there! It's Friday, one of the best of all of the days of the week. It's been a good week here for me, aside from a few little road blocks here and there. Lots going on! First of all...Tonight is the Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes concert with Dani at the Tower Theatre. We're both taking the trolley into 69th Street to meet. I have to admit - I had only heard one of their songs before buying the tickets. Now that I've investigated them a bit more on Spotify, I am not 100% sure I dig all of their music. Compared to the first song I heard, much of their other stuff is calmer and almost, blander? But then I heard the newly released sneak peek single from their new album...and it's AWESOME. So happy. And amazing. So hopefully, I will enjoy the concert tonight! And hopefully Dani will too, since she's gotta fork over forty dollars for the ticket I bought her after she drunkenly agreed to go with me back in March :)

More exciting life - we're making pizza this weekend. Yummy, yummy BBQ pulled pork pizza with ooey gooey mozzarella and white crust, per Dylan's request from the last time we made pizza. I haven't cooked up anything complicated in a while, and this definitely isn't it. But I'm excited to cook ourselves a big yummy dinner. WHICH will be accompanied by freshly baked biscuits and strawberries and whipped cream for strawberry shortcake AND some sort of cocktails, depending on what we decide to drink. I had a conversation with Mer G. about kissing skills, and whether or not being drunk makes you a better kisser or just a more confident kisser. So I talked it over with Dylan, and we're going to do a kissing experiment. After every drink, we're going to kiss, and he's going to rate it! We'll see how this goes, but I foresee it being a lot of fun.

Susan invited us to her art show tomorrow afternoon, but it's in god-knows-where South Philly, I think, and with Dylan wanting to do absolutely nothing, and his spare being on his car, and the fact that we'll probably have to drive to the airport anyway to pick up his Mom's car, I don't think we're going to make it. I want to make Susan something nice, a card or something, congratulating her on the show. I haven't seen her to hang out in forever, but I'd really like to. I think I'll make her a card this weekend, and demand we do lunch some day next week!

On another friend note, I'm sad, but I think I've lost Raquel as a friend. I reached out to her multiple times over the past few months, both just sending cute little hellos, and invitations to hang out. She IM'd me briefly after one such invitation, saying she was super busy and she'd get back to me, and the next thing I know, I'm invited to her going away party. She's leaving for Washington soon for a new job. Needless to say, I don't think we're going to be hanging out anymore, and we rarely if ever talk as it is. I think I'll have to mail Bayrex his movies back, and consider myself officially removed as a member of their group of friends. It was fun while it lasted, and I will always remember my time with them. It meant a lot to me to feel accepted in such a fun group, but those days are clearly past us. Time to move onwards and upward!

I look forward to making new friends later on in life with Dylan. Maybe friends in a new town that I move to. Friends from a class I take. Friends from my future kids' school someday! I feel like I haven't made many new friends outside of work in a long time. I guess last year, I made friends with Dani and Bryan and Alexa and Gist. But since then, my life's been pretty much full of boyfriend time. I guess I don't know how much time I would have for new friends. I have enough trouble trying to keep in touch with the friends that I do have. As Bob said, I spread myself too thin. But I definitely love new friends.

Well, off in a bit to enjoy the weekend. Have a good one all!

Week 18

I didn't go down this week, but I didn't go up either, which was quite a feat after an indulgent, indulgent weekend. I finished the week out with a huge birthday lunch for Dylan and a sick day, so I didn't get my run in, but next week will be better! I promise!

Weight- 209.4lbs
30 Min. Run- None!
Pounds from goal- 25.4lbs

Week 17

Back under 210! What a great feeling. I'm hoping to get through this weekend like I did last weekend: making sensible choices and trying to get a little exercise in when I can. I have Josh and Kristi in town tonight, and then Jenny's bachelorette party in Chicago Saturday night. It'll be a whirlwind weekend; I hope I can keep my wits about me!

I went to Cardio Jam, the class I used to frequent once or twice a week, this week. It was the first time I'd been in almost three months! Actually, more like four. I was a bad kid. So involved in running and weight training, I forgot what I loved. It was a pretty good workout- it felt good to sweat for a while hour. I'm definitely going back next week if I can!

Another great find this week was Hip City Veg, an all natural and all vegan lunch place that is incredibly tasty. I'm most CERTAINLY going back next week to try their chick'n sandwich or ziggy burger. Check out my yelp review here!

Other that that, I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing. I haven't seen 208 on the scale in months and months- since 2011, actually, so that would be a big win next week if that was what my weigh in brought! Fingers crossed!

Happy weekend all!

Weight- 209.2lbs
30 Min. Run- 2.75 (came in strong at 5.4 mph the whole time!)
Pounds from goal- 25.2lbs

A Little Bit About Music

I am having trouble thinking of things to write about that are not about my recent past or upcoming future. I think my mind is consumed with the things in my life that are important to me, and apparently none of those things are dissecting music, commenting on politics, making funny jokes, chatting about celebrities. Am I boring? I know I'm fun to be around, (at least I think I am!), but it seems from what I've been writing in the past couple of weeks that I don't have a lot to say that's not like journal entry-worthy.

Let's take a stab at it...Music:

I listed to the new Jack White's new album Blunderbuss on Spotify yesterday. I had read about him having a problem with women he can't control, and how this comes into play in a lot of his lyrics. I thought initially, "Oh, it can't be that bad." It must be because I read the article (http://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2012/04/jack-whites-women-problem/256349/) ahead of time, but I heard snippets exemplifying this in almost every single song. Talk about issues! This was really my first foray into Jack White's music, since I've never really been an avid fan of the White Stripes. I liked the sound of it, but the content I wasn't too sure about.

I also listened to a bunch of music by Gotye while I was cleaning my apartment last night. I really enjoyed the popular song he did with Kimbra, "Somebody I Used to Know," and the video to that song is pretty awesome. But I have to say, aside from a few kind of catchy songs, I wasn't captured by his other music. I listened through all of his albums and down to the remixes of his current songs, and I don't think I was caught up in any one song to pay attention too much. I listened to the whole new album, Making Mirrors, again at work this morning, and was like, "Meh." I wanted him to be better. I wanted his music to grab me.

Now I'm listening to dance music! It brings me back to my roots. Not my young kid roots (Beatles, Beach Boys, Diana Ross records) and not my young teenage roots (90s Nirvana to No Doubt to Hanson), but my "I'm friends with Bob" roots in the years when we'd listen to Christina Aguilera dance mixes in the car, choreographing routines for music videos, and driving up to Montreal on a whim to dance the night away at a booming techno after-hours club. I watched an episode of How I Met Your Mother last night talking about all the things they're too old to do. I think driving 3 hours to go to an all night dance club is on that list for me at the ripe old age of 28. Even Bob, who seemed worlds older than me back then, was only 18 or 19 when we were doing that crazy stuff. I don't think either of us has the stamina for it anymore. But we can still enjoy the music.

Music I have been really enjoying lately includes the whole Of Monsters and Men album that I finally downloaded "My Head is an Animal," the Fun. album "Some Nights," and Lana Del Rey's "Born to Die." Of Monsters and Men just seem to be full of anthems. I don't know how better to describe their appeal. In the way that for almost every song they sang at their concert, they had the audience singing along for some part of the chorus or vocal part. I will always love "Little Talks" but "Dirty Paws" and "Mountain Sound" have really made their way into my heart as favorites.

My all time favorite on Fun.'s album is the title track from the album, "Some Nights." A cross between a gospel choir and Vampire Weekend is how I described it to a friend. It just jazzes me up so much to hear it blaring into my headphones. Most of the other songs on the album are catchy and fun to listen to, but none grabs me as much as "Some Nights." I also really enjoy the hit off of that album "We Are Young." It features Janelle Monae who I liked ages ago on facebook just purely by seeing the way she dresses. I must make a note to download more of her music.

Last was Lana Del Rey. Her voice is captivating, and I feel like she could be singing about horse poop, and I'd still listed. The title track "Born to Die," and the following track, "Off to the Races" are my favorites from that album, but I also love "Video Games," the song that became a youtube sensation and made her famous. I'm interested to see where she goes from this debut, and if she has staying power.

Well, there I go. I thought I had nothing to say, and I went and talked about music for the whole 750 words. Next up, politics? I think I might miss tomorrow, since I'm traveling, but I'll do my best!

Awesomeness Turned Anxiousness

I had a wonderful night last night, but a very anxious morning today.

Last night, I came home around 6 and talked to my brother for about a half hour. We don't talk on the phone very often, but last night I questioned why that is. It's not that we don't get along. I could talk to him for hours! We just don't find occasion to call each other that often. I must make a mental note to call him more often.

While on the phone with Josh, I made baggies of the (censored for Dylan) I got Dylan for his birthday. Josh had an idea to draw pictures of the (censored for Dylan) on the bag, but make them looks like Dylan. I did ones in four different colors on four sandwich ziploc bags, and put glasses on all of them to make them look like Dylan! I think he'll appreciate the little extra touch there.

I sent a picture of the baggies to Josh after we got off of the phone and one to Alex since she was with me when I bought the (censored for Dylan) yesterday. Then, I wrapped Dylan's other presents, the (censored for Dylan). I know he got me two sets of really awesome tickets (the chamber orchestra and Wicked), and a surprise trip to NYC for the shebang, but I think he'll like the presents I got for him as well.

After that, I settled down with a glass of wine and my computer, only to have Dylan call me a few minutes later to let me know he'd arrived. We went to Wawa and got the most wonderful $16 feast - two 10 inch subs (one Classic California with bacon, turkey, tomatoes, cucumbers, pepper jack and guacamole, the other a Buffalo Chicken Cheese Steak), a giant bag of salt and vinegar chips and chocolate milk for Dylan. We then went to the liquor store and picked out a really cute bottle of wine...I don't remember the name, but it came in a cylindrical bottle that was super adorable.

We headed back to my house, and ate and drank while watching New Girl. Then Dylan started to feel not so well, so we went to lie down on the bed, while watching The Office and 30 Rock. Afterwards, I got him some water, and snuggled him lots to help make him feel better, then suggested he sleep over at my house, so I could take care of him properly. After a couple disastrous school night sleepovers, where I didn't want to get out of bed for the life of me, last night went pretty darn well. After I set Dylan up with a big bottle of water, we both snuggled into bed, and turned out the big light. He watched anime cartoons and I read Catching Fire, the second book in the Hunger Games series, that I'm JUST LOVING. We laid like that for 45 minutes or an hour, then shut down and turned off the lights. He told me he was feeling better, which made me happy, and we were asleep not too long after.

Before I knew it, I was rousing and it was light out and then my alarm went off. I still snoozed a couple times, for sure, since it was so nice to be in bed with him. But when 6:30 came, I was up and at 'em. Within 20 minutes, I had done my hair and makeup, eaten breakfast and checked the weather. I came to kiss him and see if he wanted to get up with me to drive me to the train and go home or stay sleeping. He said he'd like to sleep more, and it really was the sweetest thing for me to tuck him in and kiss him goodbye, after I'd dressed and packed. I made it to the train in plenty of time, breaking into a wide grin as I walked now and then, remembering my sweet boyfriend back at my house, keeping my bed toasty warm. How I wish I could go back there now and surprise him with a hug and kiss. But alas, I'm responsible.

I've made it almost to the end of this entry, and only talked about the happy things in life so far. I guess that's ok. The things I was anxious about this morning included that my train pass hasn't come for next month yet (but I looked it up and found out that it just got mailed on Tuesday - it's Thursday today), and that I ran my credit card up almost as much as I paid it down last paycheck ($400), and after my rent check and my bachelorette party check this pay period, I only have another $400 to put towards credit card, Dylan's birthday meals and movie (easily $150), plus dinner and breakfast with Josh and Kristi and anything I'll need to buy in Chicago. The kicker is I only get paid one more time between then and the next trip to Chicago, when I'll get paid on Friday the 25th, while I'm in Chi-town. I guess I'll just have to pace myself as much as possible, maybe put $250 towards my card this time, and see if I can be frugal in Chicago this weekend. Maybe Dylan can pay for the movies next week or chip in for Iron Hill.

Other miscellaneous things making me anxious: checking in for my flights this weekend, getting through the airport alright, packing my bag sufficiently, getting to the airport with enough time, getting the letters out to my dad before this weekend, keeping my house clean when everything's been so busy and I have guests coming tomorrow night, getting Dylan's mom's jacket back to her in good condition, reading all the millions of magazines I have, losing weight...and OH- the dress I gave to the cleaners to have their tailor look at on Saturday morning, that I STILL haven't heard back about yet. I have no idea when they will get back to me, if they'll be able to do anything with it, and if, thank heavens, they are, what it will cost. BIG SIGH. I need to calm down. I will drink my iced coffee, listen to my jazz, and focus on how happy I was to see Dylan this morning, how lucky I am to have an awesome job to come to everyday, and how nice I feel in my silky blue dress and pearls.

Photoshoot Phun - Pics to Phollow

Good afternoon, Sunday! And yes, I just got up :) I went to bed last night at around 2AM, and Dylan got up at 10 to start homework. I was pretty sure I could get up when he did and start reading or doing my 750 words, or whatever it is I wanted to do, but then I thought, "Hey, it's Sunday! Why not go back to sleep?" AND I DID. Until about 20 minutes ago at noon. I'd definitely say that sleeping in is one of my greatest luxuries on this planet. That, and eating really good food. And, you know, being in love. That feels like a luxury sometimes.

But the sleep was nice. After waking up so early yesterday, drinking a cafe mocha with four shots of espresso and then drinking a Worx energy drink before meeting up with Jess and Marie, I was kind of strung out. Then, we had our photo shoot and ended up out at dinner until after ten o'clock! Then, Dylan and I came back and took a look at his database and then watched television until after midnight and THEN I read and he watched TV until even later. It was a long, long day. But a great day.

The photoshoot was a lot of fun! I was a little nervous about it. I was worried I wouldn't look good in the outfit I was given to wear. I was worried that the woman we were going to see wouldn't be good at doing hair or makeup. I was worried a little bit about all these things. But all my fears were put aside. We first got there without Marie, and Jess and I went up to check out the wardrobe room. Jacqui picked out a pink checkered corset with boning for me, along with a leopard print pencil skirt. I wasn't sure about the patterns going together, but she said she loved mixing and matching, so I was ready to be on board.

After we picked out our clothes, we went down to her hair dressing room and we started hair and make up. I was first! She started on my hair first, curling and hair spraying section after section until I had what Jess and I have dubbed "doll hair." Then she started on my makeup. Between the soft browns she used, the lovely blush, the thick liquid black liner and the fake eyelashes, I said I looked like a Disney princess! Jess said I had doe eyes! I looked so adorable, I must admit!

Marie arrived while I was getting my hair done, and I have to say (we discussed this at the Olive Garden later that night) that my favorite part of the day was just sitting in the hair dressing room and talking and talking with each other, and with Jacqui, about anything and everything. It was just great to be hanging out for a few hours, chatting, with no where to go and nothing to do except get pretty looking. Such a joy. It really made me remember how fun it is to hang out with Marie and Jess and I had such a good time!

Jess got her hair and makeup done next, and then it was Marie's turn. We all got dressed, as we were going, finishing with Marie putting on her adorable teddy and heels. I was laced super tightly into my corset. I felt like I didn't look any smaller than usual, but it did really, really define my waist big time, which was kind of cool. I thought the pencil skirt was really flattering on me too, and although I originally wanted to show more leg, I was really happy with how the outfit turned out. And of course, I loved how I looked in the heels, even though I hardly ever wear them out!

Then, we proceeded to the studio to get our pictures taken after hours of getting ready! Marie put on some music with her iphone and speakers (Marie, who also had provided the vodka cranberry and alcoholic whipped cream), and we got to work! I went first. Jacqui had me posing on a stool, down on the floor on my knees, laying down, and sitting with my back to her, turning my head back. She was really helpful about coaching me on how to look and what to do! After I was done posing, she had Jess and Marie get in the shots with me, so I could get changed after. I can't wait to see the pictures when they're done- of me, of them, of all of us! I'm so excited!

It was such a great experience, and a fun thing to do with just the girls. I'll definitely blog some of the photos when I get them. Yay!

Is it OK to be Lazy?

I usually have to have had a very rough day, or be very tired to not do much when I get home. If I don't have plans after to work to meet someone for dinner, drinks, or the like, I'll usually have a bunch of things planned to do after work. I find that if I launch into tasks directly after getting home, then I get them done. I just can't stop moving. Occasionally, I'm able to relax for a little while, then start doing what I need to do, but for the most part, I need to GO GO GO, or I'm at a loss for the evening.

Such as last night. I came home, and while wearing a sweater seemed like a sound choice at 7AM when it was only 50 degrees out, it was a little hot walking home from the grocery store at 6PM when it was 75 degrees out. By the time I arrived home, I was sweaty and a little tired. All I wanted to do was bask in the air conditioning and watch some television. And that I did. But I didn't feel good about myself. Not that I was actually angry at myself, but I just felt...normal, I guess? I bet a lot of people come home at night and watch television and eat carbs and dessert. And I guess I was kind of ahead of the game. I went grocery shopping! I cleaned the cat littler. I did my dishes after dinner. I wasn't a complete waste of space. But I didn't accomplish all the adult tasks that I feel keep me on track to being responsible and having a clean apartment and making myself feel complete.

I guess it's because I don't have a lot of time on the weekends to do chores and tasks around my house. I am sure it'll be different when Dylan and I live together, and we can be in one house, with him doing homework and me doing housework. I hope that it doesn't create problems, but it seems like it will actually solve a lot of problems. And make me really, really happy. But I think because now our weekends are so fun and joyful and consist of us entertaining ourselves in various ways, we don't focus a lot of our weekend time on getting stuff done, which we might want to start doing as we get older. Maybe when that day comes, I'll feel less bad about being lazy on weeknights, because I'll feel like there will be time to do all those "adult" things I need to do coming soon.

Week 16

This week started out rough. SO FUN, but rough fitness-wise. Though I never really felt like I overate, I was never STUFFED, this past weekend, I definitely packed in a ton of calories between the giant frozen margaritas, the yummy dinners and the amazing desserts everyday. And I had about 4 meals on my birthday (Tuesday). This was interspersed with a couple of walks over the weekend and three workouts during the week. But I have fluctuated YET AGAIN. Argh.

The good news is that I had my fitness evaluation. I'm stronger and more flexible than I was last month! And overall for the month, I am down 2 pounds.

No giant meals out this weekend. Home cooking tonight, Wawa tomorrow night, and hopefully a healthy day on Sunday. I'd like to start out the week feeling good!

Wish me luck, and happy weekend!

Weight- 211.2lbs
30 Min. Run- 2.68 (down from last week. I ran at 5.4, but had to walk for a couple minutes in between. 5.4 again next week, it is!)
Pounds from goal- 27.2lbs

Birthday Ramblins Part Trois

Note: This was preceded in my 750words.com entry with a yelp review for Mad Mex...just to provide a bit of context for the start of my first sentence. Here we go.

Now that THAT'S out of the way I can gush about my awesome boyfriend who surprised me not once, not twice, not even three, but FOUR TIMES on my birthday this year. With big surprises too! The first was when we went to the symphony on Sunday, which I knew about, but the surprise was instead of buying the $24 second balcony tickets I had sent him the link to...he bought third row seats! Not only had I never been to a professional classical music performance since I'd moved to Philly (I think I'd been to the opera when I lived in London), but I'd never been this close to pretty much anything before except maybe community theater! I was stunned and in awe. The cellist that played was extremely talented, and the sound of the group as a whole was phenomenal.

The second surprise came on my actual birthday, yesterday. Dylan had come over Monday night. I cooked us a big healthy dinner, and we went out for a nice evening walk. We came back with ice cream and watched TV for a while, ending up on youtube at 1AM, like the youthful misfits we really are inside. We finally fell asleep, and I got to sleep in because I had yesterday off from work. I got up a little after 9 to begin checking email, and we laid in bed for a while talking about what to eat for breakfast. I decided I really had a craving for Chinese food, so we found a good place and made a plan to go at noon. I worked for a bit while Dylan watched TV and then we headed to lunch. It was a great little place, which reminds me, I have to review it!

HUNAN
Casellula

I'll remember now!

Anyhow, after lunch, we came back to my place to drop off our leftovers before heading to Longwood Gardens, the plan we had made a month prior when I'd gotten the day off from work. But Dylan had other plans. In the birthday card he gave me, it said "Get on your comfy shoes. We're going to NY!" He basically whisked me away in the middle of a beautiful sunny Tuesday on the greyhound bus he'd gotten tickets for to Manhattan! It was a huge surprise! He wouldn't tell me where we were going, or what we were doing though. A slight diversion of the bus getting caught in traffic was a brief hiccup to the day, but we ended up skidding into the afore-mentioned Casellula at about 6:30 and who was there, but Anya and Jeff! They were Dylan's first surprise. The second surprise came during our whirlwind dinner of assorted cheeses, accompaniments, meats, breads, and mac n' cheese, and the giant glass of wine I somehow downed in 3 minutes after sipping slowly on it for 15. The second birthday card he gave me had a monkey dressed as a fairy on it, and said since I had been so good this year, the good witch Galinda had asked him to give me what was inside: two tickets to Wicked! The show I had told him was my favorite, that he said he didn't like, that I got mad at him for disliking, that he said he'd never see with me! We'd had this conversation MONTHS ago, and not only had he remembered that I loved it, but he arranged to surprise me on my birthday, LAST NIGHT, with tickets to see it! We had to leave Anya and Jeff quickly, and barely got to eat our dinner, but we made it to the show with a few minutes to spare, and it was INCREDIBLE. I cried during Defying Gravity. We gave them a standing ovation at the end. Such an amazing time.

And I got to live the whole birthday, the whole birthday season this year, with an amazing man by my side who helped make it all happen, and orchestrated some of the best parts of it all. To say I feel lucky is an understatement. I am blessed to have him. And now it's time more than ever to brainstorm how I can make his birthday just as great. So far, I have the DVDs for the first two seasons of Modern Family, the peanut and pretzel M&Ms combination, and a plan to take him to Chima or Fogo de Chau on his birthday, which we both have off! Let's see what other excitement I can come up with!

Get excited...

Birthday Ramblins Part Deux

I'm on a streak! And it's Saturday! And I'm writing! And it's 7:33 in the morning, and I can't sleep anymore, because I'm excited for this day! And Dylan's sleeping next to me, and I think my typing, no matter how quiet I try to make it, is always too loud! People at work mock me by doing this crazy typing gesture- hands coming down on the keyboard from 2 feet in the air, very exaggerated and cartoon-esque. I love it, but it's also kind of embarrassing.

I had a dream last night that I met Clare Danes and we hung out and talked a bunch, she told me she's from Philly and that she actually LIVES here, and we had so much in common, and she was beautiful and cool, and she was trying to hint that she was dating my boss Rob. Weird twist, but I'll take it.

We had a really fun night last night at Distrito. Jess and David arrived on time, the Cubans were 25 and 45 minutes late (Marie and Janire/Liza, respectively). I drank tasty margaritas, and sampled some of Liza's tequila flight, Dylan got Coronas, Jess got some kind of fancy drink with a cherry in it- with a cherry stem she TIED IN HER MOUTH. I've "done that" before...but it was all a lie! I'd slip it out of my mouth and tie it under the table. I'm such a party trick cheater! I shouldn't be allowed to play party tricks. No more fake tricks for me. ANYHOW, last night was a lot of fun. I actually got PRESENTS from my friends (NEW DEVELOPMENT IN MY GROWN UP LIFE), and I got a candle in my Frios (flan, dulce de leche, coconut cake & mango - SO AMAZING).

The food was incredible. We ordered ceviche and chips w/ guacamole to start, and then Dylan ordered us a bunch of food: out of this world kobe beef tacos with the most delicate shoestring potatoes and truffle oil, a chicken tortilla soup, some kind of flatbread pizza with shortribs and radish on it, and this amazing fried plantain with cheese on it. Nothing I ate was short of awesome. I'm not holding out such high hopes for the Mexican today, but we certainly will have a smaller bill this afternoon. At least we better! And the $10 margaritas are going to be 22 oz. this time, so maybe I will only need 2 to get me feeling feisty.

I don't know what I'm going to do for the next hour and a half. I'm also wondering if I'm going to get hungry, and maybe I should eat a little something, something. Maybe a banana. I don't want to eat a true meal, though it would be tempting to cook up some onion and spinach omelets with that yummy cheese I have.

I can't believe so many people are meeting us for brunch today. I know not everyone's coming because it's my birthday, but this is all part of my birthday season and that makes it exciting. I hope we get to sit next to Alex and Michael, because they're really my bestestes of the group. A seat next to Larry Latore might be nothing to sneer at as well.

Something that bothered me at work the other day was in our status meeting, I brought up wanting to clear out the vendor list, which everyone was on board for, but I mentioned wanting to reach out to the contact whose address we had for the email order notifications. Nancy was like, "NO WAY," and proceeded to go into why doing that was opening a can of worms and not our responsibility. I think all aspects of site maintenance are our responsibility, and making sure that we have the right contact information for our vendors is important! I couldn't believe she was fighting me so much on this issue, and I even got a "we can talk about it later." Luckily, we ended up out for a drink that night, so I think all was saved.

Dylan's snoring. It's now 7:50 (not going to break my record typing time today!) I don't know if I want to spoon him, or get up and go to the kitchen to weigh myself and decide if I want breakfast. Is it weird that I base whether or not I eat on my weight on that faulty ass scale? I maybe need to take my scale out of the damn kitchen. I just want to be rocking for my weigh in next week!

Give me strength!

Birthday Ramblins

The below is just me being excited about life the past couple days, and for the next few days. It's not any sort of retrospective on birthdays in general. I'll try to work on that some time this weekend :)

I'm in a pretty great mood today. It's the start of birthday-pa-looza tonight! Dylan texted me before to ask if I was excited. I wasn't on Wednesday for some reason, but right now? Hell YEAH, I am! I'm also super excited for lunch, though, I don't know what it will be yet. Something with lots of veggies, that's for sure. I want to be hungry and raring to go at Distrito tonight. I wrote on here on Wednesday about how I was kind of out of sorts. Dylan came over, and he was kind of out of it, too. We sat, chatting for a while, then headed to dinner. Being with him makes me feel like everything in the world- all the problems, issues, big and small, are all going to work out. He's my panacea. And when being with him can't make me feel better, I know it's something I've got to work on because that means it's a big deal. Wednesday's funk wasn't such a big deal, and the making out and such definitely helped. Afterwards, we cuddled for a while, then Dylan offered to tuck me in to bed for the night. It was so sweet. I woke up early, ready and raring to go on Thursday and felt awesome.

I had a super productive morning at work yesterday. I got more done before 9AM than I did for much of the rest of the day. And that's OK sometimes! Now, today, we're already working on stuff for Monday. Yesterday, I also went for a great run. I'm up to 5.3 miles per hour for 30 minutes. I'm hoping to get up to 6.0 miles per hour. If all goes as planned, that will be in 7 weeks! I also got a new circuit from my trainer on Tuesday which I just tried out today on my own for the first time. It is really tough, especially on my legs and abs, though those bosu ball alternating arm pushups are KILLER. It feels a lot shorter than my circuit last month. I think I'm going to try to get this new circuit in at least two times a week, and then do last month's circuit once a week. I may even add in the first month's circuit once in a while, on weekends, like I have been. The first month's circuit is a plank, 60 squats, 60 situps, 30 pushups and 100 jumping jacks. It's so funny to think back on the fact that that circuit was once challenging. Now, it seems like cake.

Back to yesterday! I stayed at work until about 5:15, and then went to get a drink with Nancy and guess who was there! Brian Kempf! I was so excited to see him, and it was great to talk to him, if even for just the little time I was there. I ran to the train at 6, so I could make it home to clean. I did do some cleaning, but also made an awesome salad while I was on the phone with my mom, and worked on the blender book for Dylan. My salad was sauteed chicken sausage, ham and onions over a bed of fresh spinach and fresh carrots. It had a little hummus dressing on top, but I felt like I didn't even need the extras - nuts, cheese, olives. It was just perfect the way it was.

I think I'm making Dylan dinner on Monday night after my art class. I have onions, peppers, avocado...ooh! Maybe I'll make the cheeritos! We got the idea to make cheeseburger burritos and call them cheeritos. I think if I bought some wraps and some salsa...I have the ground beef, cheese, guacamole, avocado. Maybe I'll buy some sliced cheese as well. Ooh, maybe it would be good with some pickles! Or ketchup and mustard! Now we're thinking outside the box. I wonder what I could make to go with it. Maybe a salad. Always a salad. It would be really good with french fries, but I have a weigh in on Thursday to think about! Either way, I'll have to remember to take the ground beef out of the freezer in the next day or so. I think I have breadcrumbs, and I know have an egg to make the burger patties. Maybe I should get some kind of spice as well...The exciting thing is that after I make this dinner on Monday night, it becomes my actual birthday! And I have the whole day off. I'm going to sleep until 9, watch movies all morning, shower and get ready, have lunch, and then go to Longwood Gardens for the day!

What a rambley lovey pile of words! Yay life!

Week 15

I can't believe I started this challenge 15 weeks ago. And I can't believe I've only lost 7 pounds since the start of the year. Sadly, I am only one pound away from where I was on week 3 because I've been fluctuating so much. BUT! I can run .5 miles further in a 30 minute time period - up from 2.2! And I have biceps now. That's a real accomplishment. With all of the Easter eating, I was a little scared about what the scale would say this week. On the flip side, I thought I had a really focused and healthy week, so I was a teeny bit bummed to see I had gone up .6 pounds since last week.

This weekend is my birthday celebrations! Mexican food x 2 + beef Wellington on Sunday. I am going to do my best to drink in moderation, exercise portion control for eating and make good food choices (less guacamole, more salsa!)

I have my next fitness evaluation next Thursday, so I'm hoping I will be down from the 213.6 I was last time. DON'T GAIN THREE POUNDS THIS WEEKEND. DON'T GAIN THREE POUNDS THIS WEEKEND. DON'T GAIN THREE POUNDS THIS WEEKEND.

Well, here I go! Have a good weekend everyone!

Weight- 210lbs
30 Min. Run- 2.71
Pounds from goal- 26lbs

What Do I Love?

That was my question for today. Yesterday, I touched upon a couple of the things in this world that I like, but love goes much deeper than that. Do I love clouds? Do I love cooking? Probably! But when I think of things I love, my mind immediately goes to people. But is that answering the question? Wouldn't talking about all of the people I love be more of an answer to the question, "Who do I love?" I guess if I were to think in terms of "what" and not "who," I'd be able to come up with just a couple.

I love my body. I love making healthy decisions for my body. I love that I made the decision to start taking care of myself a few years back, and have dedicated myself to that as much as I can. I know I'm not perfect, and I know I sometimes eat dessert, and some days I don't feel like working out...and I just about NEVER work out on the weekends, but what's important is that I'm making good choices most of the time. I love my body for all it does. I know it has lots of quirks. My toe hurts in half the shoes I wear, I always seem to have a pimple on my chin, I can't seem to get my arms toned, but my body has come a long way from where it was. I love that I can run 3 miles now. I love that I can lift weights without quitting after 10 reps. I love that I use music to motivate myself when I run or circuit train. I love the feeling of getting my heart rate up, working hard, and really breaking a sweat. I love making good decisions when it comes to what I eat. I love choosing vegetables and proteins. I love that I can still eat carbs. I love that I DO still let myself eat dessert some times. I love that I can still eat French fries. I love that I've been on this journey for three years, and I am fitter now than I've been since I was 21. I love that I know so much more now about how to treat my body. I love that taking care of myself means making myself a priority. I love that I work somewhere that supports this. I love that the people in my life support me in this.

I love stars. The other night, I took a friend's daughter (1 1/2 years old) outside in the evening, and we looked up at the stars. There were a couple blinking lights from planes in the sky as well, and the whole vastness of it all really sank in. I love that looking at the stars can make me feel so small. At the same time, I love that stars show you that no matter how far away you are from something, you can still shine through and make an impact on it. I mostly love to gaze at stars. I love laying on the ground in the summer at night, and trying to find the constellations.

I love food. I love trying different kinds of food. This is so close to cooking, and kind of close to loving my body, and taking care of it. But I don't care. It must be said. I love food, and I love to eat. I love that in the past 10 years, I have added so many new cuisines to my repertoire. I love Indian food, Thai food, Japanese food, Ethiopian food, Middle Eastern food...and of course, Mexican, Italian, Chinese, Southern, and good old American standards. I love trying fresh foods. I love my organic produce delivery that keeps me eating fruit almost every day, and trying new veggies. I love everything about food, and damn is this making me hungry.

One more. I love Philadelphia. I have had such an incredible time building a life here, and find my decision to move here one of the best things I've ever done. I've never felt lacking in art or music. I've met amazing people. I've been able to branch out in terms of restaurants and plays and bars and stores. I love working in Philadelphia. I love being able to go the gym on my lunch break. I love being able to walk to dozens of restaurants from work. I love my local pub, and my daily free pint I won. I love the skyline. I love the commute into the city. I love it all.

I could go on...for ages. Maybe a "What do I love: Part II" post is in order for the future!

What Do I Like?

That is the question I've chosen to tackle today, from my list of questions I copied in on April 5th. I've noticed, before I dive in, that I have a hard time dedicating myself to writing on the weekends. When I'm at work, or at home on weeknights, I can easily dedicate myself to write for 10 or 15 minutes, but the weekend is a little tougher. I also know I have a tough time making time to exercise on the weekends, even if that just means doing some squats, sit ups and push ups. If I'm able to dedicate 30-45 minutes to myself on Saturday and Sunday, I can get in both a good amount of writing and a little exercise. I just need to figure out if that's going to be when Dylan is sleeping, showering, or when we're having TV time. When we're watching TV, we're usually watching something that I want to keep up with or I'm into, so I've got to take time away when he puts on something I'm not too involved in. Just something to think about if I want to one day finish a whole month of 750 words! What a goal!

Now, back to the question. I like a whole heck of a lot of things. And people. And places. I like to do a lot of things. I like to be busy. I like to fill my time with activity if I can. The question that comes up next is, "What do I love?" so I'll try hard here to stick to things that I like and not things I truly love. Distinguishing between like and love can be difficult. And sometimes, those things overlap. Dylan and I have told one another before, "I love you, but I also really like you." It seems to me that both of those things are important in a relationship.

I really like clouds. Clouds have always been something that has inspired me, and I want someday, to be able to paint a beautiful skyscape, maybe at sunset, maybe at mid-day, but capturing the billowy, pillowy, un-real, wispy aspects of clouds that sometimes photography can't even capture. Clouds to me are one of the most beautiful things we get to see in nature, and they happen almost every day, unlike things like flowers, snow or green trees and grass.

I like cooking. I like going shopping for the fresh ingredients. I like finding new things to cook with at the store- a new sauce or a particularly interesting vegetable. I like experimenting with creating things I've never made before. It's so amazing to me how just a few simple ingredients can produce amazing tastes that are all their own and unique. I like putting together meals from a few different things. I like coming up with sweet and tasty things to eat for dessert. I like making dishes healthy. I like getting all the food groups into one meal, and feeling like someday, I could do that everyday for my family. I cooked this past weekend, just an appetizer, for Dylan's family's Easter dinner. I made homemade bruschetta, which is relatively easy, but so very tasty, and got a ton of compliments on it. I wouldn't say I cook only for compliments, but cooking for others and having them appreciate what I've put time into, is something that I really like. I've liked cooking a lot more since I've been with Dylan, and I think it's because I have someone to eat the things I make!

I like art. I know that's a super broad statement, and art can be so many things, but it's really a very true statement for me. I like most aspects of creating art - painting, drawing, sketching, sculpture, pottery, photography, collage, mosaic, composition. I wish I had more time to put toward art in my life, because I think it really brings out a great side of me: a very thoughtful, graceful side that I don't always inhabit in other parts of my life. I also like to look at other people's art and think about it. I like going to museums. I like walking the halls, looking at paintings and sculptures and thinking about what the artist was feeling when he or she made the piece of art. I like that art makes me feel something and makes me think.

Well, it looks like it only took three things I really like to hit my word count for today. Tomorrow, I will try to write about what I love. And that might send me sky high into thousands of words if I don't watch out. I love a lot of things on this planet.

Week 14

Well, I skipped working out on Tuesday and Wednesday, made it in for my circuit Monday and today, and my 30 minute run yesterday...but lo and behold, I've lost weight!

This week was a lot of fun, and included my first burrito in a couple of months AND a dinner out of French fries and chicken sandwich AND CHEESECAKE! I only ate a portion of each, so I don't think it did too much damage. I also ate only a little bit of pasta for dinner on Wednesday, and went to bed early, so I think that helped. I've been sticking to my healthy lunches, and not eating too many bagels or snacks on the side while at work. I also started taking fish oil this week! Hopefully that'll help in a lot of ways.

This upcoming weekend is going to be a challenge, but I'm going to try to take all of my hard work from this week and carry it over to the weekend. I have my third personal training appointment on Monday, and I want to feel great to start the week out. There's going to be 3 big dinners with Dylan's family, so I am summoning all my strength to use my portion control skillz and do my circuit both Saturday and Sunday.

I CAN DO THIS!

Happy weekend, and happy Easter!

Weight- 209.4lbs
30 Min. Run- 2.69
Pounds from goal- 26lbs

What Do I Think?

That's the questions I decided to tackle today.

I believe I tend to think about myself, like most people, but I also have an awareness of the people around me. I think about things that are going on in my life. I think about the people I care about. I think about money, how I'm going to save it, how I'm going to spend it, how I'm going to make it all work. I think about the things I need to get. I think about the things in my house I have to clean. I think about the food I've eaten today. I think about the food in my fridge, and what I will cook with it, and when. I think about work that I have to do. I think about how I will fill my days. I think about when I will work out. I think about when I'm going to see my friends or my family. I think about upcoming plans. I try to think through how things are going to work out on certain busy days. I try to think ahead to things I need to figure out.

I think a lot about building my future with Dylan, and what that will look like someday. I think about what our family will be like. I think about what our house will look like. I think about how in love we are now, and about how we're trying to foster that love every day to keep it alive and healthy.

I think a lot about things when I'm talking to other people. People can bring out deep thoughts in me, like how we're all connected, how we can better help the world, and how our society is both growing and changing all the time. I don't think about such big things on my own usually.

Reading makes me think too. I love reading novels and magazines, because they make me think in different ways. Magazines like Philadelphia make me think about the city I live in, and all of the things I don't know about it. And all of the restaurants I want to try! Magazines like Vogue or Vanity Fair make me think about people I'll never meet and places I might never go to. It makes me think about how my life would be different if I were more privileged or had been born into a different family. It makes me think about how I might be more driven or more creative or more successful if I had had a different upbringing, if I had been pushed more, encouraged more, or afforded more opportunity.

But I do think a lot about the opportunity I was afforded. I think about how lucky I am to have two parents who are still together that love me and each other and my brother so much, that they'd give us anything they can. I think about my parents a lot, and how much I love them and want them to be happy. I think that if I ever won the lottery how I'd buy them a new house and get one of those fancy professional organizers to go through all of their stuff and make it manageable. I think about all the trips we'd take as a family, and about how I'd make sure they lived out the rest of their lives as comfortable as they'd ever been.

I think about what I can do for them in the meantime, without winning the lottery. I think that if I'm able to show them through phone calls, cards, letters and visits that I care about them and want to be in their lives even though I'm far away, then they'll know how much I love them. I think that telling people you love them is one of the most important things. I think saying it to friends is important, even if you're drunk. I think that making sure people know that you care about them is imperative in having relationships.

I think that being with Dylan has taught me a lot about loving and living as someone's partner. I think about him a lot, and how I can make him happy. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about his birthday, and our anniversary, and how I can make them special for him. I think about all the birthdays and anniversaries to come, and I want them all to be special.

I think about so many things, many of them revolving around my life and the things I do, but I guess that's natural. I've always considered myself a thoughtful person, I try hard to be one now. And I hope I always will think, when making decisions, when letting ideas marinate, when reading, when riding the train, when making people happy, when doing work. I hope I never stop thinking hard about the world, but sometimes, it's good to let go a bit and not think so hard. I hope I can embrace that too!

Good Day, Bad Day

I'm sitting at Comcast, waiting on some feedback before I can finish some work. And waiting another hour before I make my rounds with the marketing folks. Sometimes, I think my weekly meeting here doesn't really matter or accomplish anything, and other times, I feel like I really get a lot out of it. I think I hold onto the time slot and keep coming because I feel like it adds something to my job. It gives me a leg up over other people who aren't client facing. Yes, I communicate with clients on a daily basis over email, but I am truly client facing.

I'm also texting with Bob about our trip to Chicago. He's debating whether we should go with a spectacular room or a wonderful room, when apparently the only difference is the view. Personally, I don't care which way we face, along as the bed is comfortable.

The past couple days have been both fun and tough. Tuesday was fun. I wore a great outfit - red jeans, blousey flowered top, bangles, silver jacket, black sparkly flats. I ran errands with Alex at lunch, and got out of work a half hour early to pick up burritos and meet Dylan to go over to the Of Monsters and Men concert. We ate the burritos in the parking lot, in the sunshine of the late afternoon and then headed over to wait in line at the TLA. We waited and talked for over an hour, even made the reservation for my birthday dinner!

Finally, they let us in and we made our way to the very front next to the stage. I said, "We're here, but how are we going to get drinks?" So we decided to get the good "grown-up" seats/standing spots, up by the bar. We got a couple beers and hung out until the opening singer came on, a young woman whose band goes by the name of Lay Low. I found out, when she started singing a song that I know, that I actually have some of her music, but had no idea before the show she'd be opening! It was pretty cool.

When Of Monsters and Men came out, the energy was infectious. You could tell that Philadelphia really loves this band. The show was sold out, and people were going crazy for them. It was so inspiring. I really felt like we were a part of something. We danced and grooved along to the music, alternately standing and leaning on the rail in front of us. At the end of the show, we talked about how old we are, that standing for 3 or 4 hours is so tough and makes us so stiff. The encore was amazing, and I even got goosebumps when they played the first song we'd ever heard by them. It reminded me how much I love seeing live music. It made me really excited for the concert Dani and I are going to May 11 to see Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes.

After the show was over, we walked back to the car, and drove to Minella's, while listening to Of Monsters and Men and the muppet soundtrack! We ate an amazing late dinner, and talked and talked, and then Dylan said he was spending the night at my house. It made me so happy. We went home and basically fell into bed. I decided to give myself an extra hour, which turned into an extra 2.5 hours. I showered and got back into bed (BIG MISTAKE). I have such a hard time not snuggling with Dylan when he's in my bed. I have to get over that. Then, my train ending up getting suspended.

I didn't end up getting into work until almost 11AM. It totally threw off my whole day, and though I didn't feel useless or clammed up, I did feel really on edge, and like I needed to smoke. I had two cigarettes (two for the month means I'm only one away from the number I had in March), and went home without working out or going to art class. I was kind of disappointed in myself, especially since I told Jeff the other day how I hadn't had any dips in such a while.

I'm going to count yesterday as a fluke, and not worry about it happening again. I'm also going to work hard at getting up and getting into work on time, even if I am super tired. If I can't get my butt out of bed, it's best just to take the day. But today, I feel strong, together and awake. It's going to be a great day. I can feel it!

Growing - Brains & Relationships

I guess I'm not doing the April challenge after all. And I sure as hell won't be doing a May challenge! May is going to be twice as busy as April! As long as I'm writing once or twice a week, I think I'll be OK.

I'm writing way more now between 750 words, my weekly blog entries, and my Yelp reviews! I've also been playing Scrabble with Dylan and Words with Friends online. I'm about to start taking fish oil supplements for the ol' brain. I've been reading almost everyday on the train to and from work. PLUS, I've been working on new projects at work - ones where I actually create work. I'm writing at work! And - AND! - I started going to art class! It's a great feeling.

I feel like my brain hasn't been this active in quite some time. I think I'm really growing, which is great. For a while, being in a relationship was the main growth I experienced. I'm still growing and changing in my relationship with Dylan as well, but now I feel like I'm challenging myself a bit more intellectually. It's important to me to keep my brain active, and I'm now more than ever considering grad school.

The time constraint thing isn't as scary to me as the money. The loans that I would inevitably have to get to pay for grad school I'd probably be paying until I'm 50, the way things are going with the loans I have now! I'm excited for the day that Dylan and I are both bringing in money, and we can have a stash in the bank for emergencies and I can throw $1000 at my loans every month to help pay them down. It'll be a great day. But I think instead of worrying about money, I should arrange some college visits and meet with the admissions people to see what they have to say about my experience, what I'd need to bring to the table, and what they could offer me. I think taking this on could give me a great sense of accomplishment, and further help me manage my time and resources.

Plus, Dylan brought something up last night that irked me a little. He brought up a comment I had made, based actually, upon one of my previous 750 words entries - how I don't like to say goodbye to him at the end of the night, and how he always has something to return to, be it school or video games, and I don't. I didn't mean for it to sound like I don't have much to do. It was more that at the end of the night, I have to go to sleep, and he gets to go do SOMETHING. That he gets to stay up much later than me and work or play, I guess that's what I was pointing out.

Me being in school wouldn't change the fact that I need to go to bed at 11PM or so. It would just mean I'd be working on much more before that. I want Dylan to understand that my life is very full as it is. The people I love, the work I do, my house, my pets, my art, my entertainment, I feel like I am never bored and enjoy the things I do a great deal.

We had another topic come up last night when I asked him to spend the night tonight. He asked if we could wait until our planned weeknight sleepover for my birthday, which is two weeks away. Since he hasn't spent the night during the week in almost 2 months, I wondered why it was such a big deal to him to be with me twice in one month on weeknights. He said he'd much rather be in his own bed and be able to get ample sleep so he'd be fresh for school work the next day. When I countered that I'd drop most anything to be with him, he emphasized he'd do the same for me, except when it came to school. I guess I should be happy that that's the case, and I know if I really needed him, he'd be there. But the fact is, I'm not his top priority, and I think I may have made him mine, and that was a hard fact to swallow...

The driving issue also came up when we were talking about this; how, almost a year into being the one to always drive to see me or pick me up, he doesn't always feel like driving the 25 minutes to my house, but he does it anyway, because he wants to see me and always has a good time. It was kind of hard to hear that too, since I'm insecure about not having a car to come see him. I think I'm going to rent a car for his birthday, and do all of the driving that day. He brought up the driving issue when I made a comment about me working so hard in our relationship, and how he sometimes seems to want to do the easy or convenient thing. It's something that bugs me, but I don't want him to think I don't see all the hard work he puts into us.

I guess it goes back to that page I wrote in my book: "Instead of counting all the things he doesn't do, count all of the things he does do." I filled that page with reasons why I love him- all of the things he does for me. I love him very much, these relationships are just sometimes tough to take care of. You've got to be gentle, but also speak your mind, and always think of two people's feelings, instead of just your own. I think I'll get a hang of it someday. I hope so.