Well friends, today everything changed. I mean, maybe yesterday
everything changed. But come on. Three days ago (was it three?) I was an
anxious, nervous, full-of-failure, scared-to-death, angry, defeated,
upset, wrecked case of a human being. And with the help of a few key
people and - get this - my own strength, I pulled out of it and feel
better than ever. I have new energy, new determination, new ideas and
new dedication to get myself out of the pickle I am in and into a new
life...one where I am living in the place I want to live, with the man I
want to be with, spending time with the people who matter, and doing
the job I want that I know I'll be amazing at someday.
This girl, the
one I was tonight, the confident, fun-loving, positive, vibrant, happy
girl who just chop-sticked a whole heap of fiery Chinese food into her
mouth because it was amazing and nothing to be afraid of in
moderation...that's the girl I want to be. I want to be her everyday.
I
know that life is full of ups and downs, but what I know is that there
are going to be BIG ups and BIG downs, and if I'm not equipped to handle
the little ones with grace and serenity, then how will I be able to
take on life's big challenges with any semblance of adult presence of
mind? It's a good question, and one that I have been asking myself for
the past couple of years as I have dealt more intimately with this
anxiety on a more regular basis.
Life's really big changes - like having
a kid - can't happen until I am firmly in a place where I can handle myself each and every single day without fail. I am not doubting that I
will still have bad days and better days and great days, but the bad
days can not be as debilitating as they are now. What matters though is that I am happy today.
I feel like through all that's been going on, all the anxiety I've been feeling, all of
the extra work I've put in and things I've had to try to figure out,
it's all brought me to today. And today is a good day. Thanks goodness
for that.
Friday, May 31, 2013
Saturday, April 27, 2013
When You Take a Risk
Four years ago today, I started my job at a new company in Philadelphia. I had just moved to the area from my parents' house in Queensbury and was on my own for the first time since college, living in a new place, knowing barely anyone, with no clear idea what I was going to be doing or even how to survive successfully in the real world. I was barely 25, eager to employ my skills from college but I wasn't altogether sure what those were. I knew I was smart, but I didn't know just how to apply myself. I took a chance coming here, starting this new job, venturing out into the world. I took a chance, but it turned out to be a good one.
The company, back then, was called FD kinesis. We were a small marketing firm that had been acquired by a larger parent company, but the spirit of Kinesis Marketing still held strong. The five founders, all with unique personalities and charm, all had their specialties and had hired people to manage accounts and run different facets of the business. It was interesting to me to learn everyone's style and skills. I loved the days when we would all gather for a meeting or a party in New Jersey or Philadelphia, and I'd get to mingle with my colleagues from Morristown and New York. I felt so cosmopolitan, walking down to Old City for happy hours where mussels were served. I had never even had a mussel before I set foot in Philly. My eyes were being opened up to new parts of the world.
My job came with challenges. I had work and lots of it. And instead of answering to a boss, or several layers of bosses when work was piling up, I was answering directly to clients. These were very demanding clients, many of them, who all wanted things the next day or the same day, all at once, none of them knowing about the others. At my previous job, I had learned to manage my time in chunks, going methodically, quickly and accurately through monotonous work. But now, I was trying to get a grasp on new work, learn how to do it, communicate and build relationships with dozens of clients, attend meetings, as well as turn things around quickly and accurately. It was a lot to handle. I once reached out to my coworker across the room over IM, asking "What do you do when everyone wants things from you at once?" He suggested saying no. I hadn't even considered it.
Over time, I learned to temper my feelings of stress and manage my time and the clients. I found I enjoyed balancing all the different moving parts. I got good at it. I may have gotten too good at it. Because somewhere down the line, I got bored. My boss had changed a few times since I had come to the company, first FD kinesis, then FD, now FTI Consulting. And the latest boss suggested I take a look around me at what others were doing. Look into new avenues at the company. Talk to the people around me and find something I could be interested in pursuing as well or instead as a next career move.
I looked into information architecture, HTML, social media and then...I found writing. The creative team at FTI is pretty robust, but full of mostly designers. There are two writers, one of them a managing director, who when I expressed interest - excitement, delight, ecstatic joy - welcomed me with open arms. It had been almost three and a half years since I began my journey at FTI, but I finally felt like I found the reason I'm here. I had spent the past years building my skills, my confidence and my finesse with clients and colleagues and now was my chance to shine.
It's been over six months since I was welcomed by the creative team. I still do the job I was hired to do four years ago. But I am taking steps in a new direction. I'm writing each and every day, honing my editing skills, my eye for detail and my ear my voice and tone. I feel like I've learned so much even in the short time I've been doing this. It makes me wonder what I could learn in a year. Or three years.
My time in Philadelphia and at FTI has only been a small part of my life so far, and I've got a long way to go. But what I've learned since I began here four years ago has amounted to the great things that can be achieved when you take risks and work hard. Don't ever be afraid of the unknown. It's where your future is waiting.
The company, back then, was called FD kinesis. We were a small marketing firm that had been acquired by a larger parent company, but the spirit of Kinesis Marketing still held strong. The five founders, all with unique personalities and charm, all had their specialties and had hired people to manage accounts and run different facets of the business. It was interesting to me to learn everyone's style and skills. I loved the days when we would all gather for a meeting or a party in New Jersey or Philadelphia, and I'd get to mingle with my colleagues from Morristown and New York. I felt so cosmopolitan, walking down to Old City for happy hours where mussels were served. I had never even had a mussel before I set foot in Philly. My eyes were being opened up to new parts of the world.
My job came with challenges. I had work and lots of it. And instead of answering to a boss, or several layers of bosses when work was piling up, I was answering directly to clients. These were very demanding clients, many of them, who all wanted things the next day or the same day, all at once, none of them knowing about the others. At my previous job, I had learned to manage my time in chunks, going methodically, quickly and accurately through monotonous work. But now, I was trying to get a grasp on new work, learn how to do it, communicate and build relationships with dozens of clients, attend meetings, as well as turn things around quickly and accurately. It was a lot to handle. I once reached out to my coworker across the room over IM, asking "What do you do when everyone wants things from you at once?" He suggested saying no. I hadn't even considered it.
Over time, I learned to temper my feelings of stress and manage my time and the clients. I found I enjoyed balancing all the different moving parts. I got good at it. I may have gotten too good at it. Because somewhere down the line, I got bored. My boss had changed a few times since I had come to the company, first FD kinesis, then FD, now FTI Consulting. And the latest boss suggested I take a look around me at what others were doing. Look into new avenues at the company. Talk to the people around me and find something I could be interested in pursuing as well or instead as a next career move.
I looked into information architecture, HTML, social media and then...I found writing. The creative team at FTI is pretty robust, but full of mostly designers. There are two writers, one of them a managing director, who when I expressed interest - excitement, delight, ecstatic joy - welcomed me with open arms. It had been almost three and a half years since I began my journey at FTI, but I finally felt like I found the reason I'm here. I had spent the past years building my skills, my confidence and my finesse with clients and colleagues and now was my chance to shine.
It's been over six months since I was welcomed by the creative team. I still do the job I was hired to do four years ago. But I am taking steps in a new direction. I'm writing each and every day, honing my editing skills, my eye for detail and my ear my voice and tone. I feel like I've learned so much even in the short time I've been doing this. It makes me wonder what I could learn in a year. Or three years.
My time in Philadelphia and at FTI has only been a small part of my life so far, and I've got a long way to go. But what I've learned since I began here four years ago has amounted to the great things that can be achieved when you take risks and work hard. Don't ever be afraid of the unknown. It's where your future is waiting.
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Believe in Boston
The bombings in Boston that happened yesterday made me ache for all of the people affected and all of the people in Boston who were scared for their lives and their city. It made me wish they were safe and long for a time when the scariest thing to happen on Boylston Street was a thong slipping down in the gay pride parade.
It was incredible to see all of the love and support on my facebook feed from all of the friends who live near or around Boston and were checking in and confirming that they or their family members were safe, or ones that lived no where near Boston and were just saying that they were standing with the people of Boston. It was truly wonderful to see everyone come together. I posted a picture that Josie had shared of Mr. Rogers, with a caption that said something like, "When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.'"
And in Boston yesterday, there were good people going to help. The medical tents that were set up for the runners now were helping explosion victims. The police were clearing spectators away, and keeping everyone calm. Runners themselves were rushing to nearby hospitals to donate blood for the victims that had suffered massive injuries. It truly showed that people come together in an emergency and can do the right thing.
But to have to get to that, it's just painful and sickening that it did. I hope that the media attention and press that this attack is getting is not enough to make some other lunatic want to top this atrocity with his or her own massacre. One of my facebook friends posted yesterday about how we need to drastically increase the mental health facilities and care in this country instead of enacting laws to prevent violence. I am for preventing violence through gun control, but I thought she was absolutely right about the mental health services. People aren't getting the care they need and are already off the deep end, sinking lower and lower into psychosis, to a place where they feel they need to reach out by killing or blowing up public places.
It's depressing that it comes to that for some individuals, but it's a fact of life, so it's something we as a country need to handle. We can't ignore that aspect of the problem any longer. These people aren't committing these heinous crimes because they have evil inside of them. They are unstable and unwell. And they need help. If we can get people like them help before something terrible happens, then we may be able to prevent the next Sandy Hook or Boston Marathon.
I just wish that I could somehow invoke all of my good memories of Marathon Monday in Boston, all of everyone's good memories of the day, from the years and years it's been going on, the cheering, the laughter, the sunshine, the good fellowship that existed all around the city that day...I wish I could harness all of those good feelings and project them back on yesterday and just erase what happened.
I think instead, I will look to keep Boston safe in my heart. Preserve my memories as sacred things that I can treasure for my lifetime, that will remain unmarred in my past. And hopefully, by the time, we get to next year, Boston will come back bigger and better than ever, ready to take on the world and ready to say, "We aren't going anywhere."
It was incredible to see all of the love and support on my facebook feed from all of the friends who live near or around Boston and were checking in and confirming that they or their family members were safe, or ones that lived no where near Boston and were just saying that they were standing with the people of Boston. It was truly wonderful to see everyone come together. I posted a picture that Josie had shared of Mr. Rogers, with a caption that said something like, "When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.'"
And in Boston yesterday, there were good people going to help. The medical tents that were set up for the runners now were helping explosion victims. The police were clearing spectators away, and keeping everyone calm. Runners themselves were rushing to nearby hospitals to donate blood for the victims that had suffered massive injuries. It truly showed that people come together in an emergency and can do the right thing.
But to have to get to that, it's just painful and sickening that it did. I hope that the media attention and press that this attack is getting is not enough to make some other lunatic want to top this atrocity with his or her own massacre. One of my facebook friends posted yesterday about how we need to drastically increase the mental health facilities and care in this country instead of enacting laws to prevent violence. I am for preventing violence through gun control, but I thought she was absolutely right about the mental health services. People aren't getting the care they need and are already off the deep end, sinking lower and lower into psychosis, to a place where they feel they need to reach out by killing or blowing up public places.
It's depressing that it comes to that for some individuals, but it's a fact of life, so it's something we as a country need to handle. We can't ignore that aspect of the problem any longer. These people aren't committing these heinous crimes because they have evil inside of them. They are unstable and unwell. And they need help. If we can get people like them help before something terrible happens, then we may be able to prevent the next Sandy Hook or Boston Marathon.
I just wish that I could somehow invoke all of my good memories of Marathon Monday in Boston, all of everyone's good memories of the day, from the years and years it's been going on, the cheering, the laughter, the sunshine, the good fellowship that existed all around the city that day...I wish I could harness all of those good feelings and project them back on yesterday and just erase what happened.
I think instead, I will look to keep Boston safe in my heart. Preserve my memories as sacred things that I can treasure for my lifetime, that will remain unmarred in my past. And hopefully, by the time, we get to next year, Boston will come back bigger and better than ever, ready to take on the world and ready to say, "We aren't going anywhere."
Sunday, April 7, 2013
How I Want to Love
I want to love with my whole heart. Not the pieces that are easily accessible or guarded or dispensable. I want to love with a completeness that comes from all of me.
I want to love, not change. I want to grow in love, not bend it to my will. I want it to shape me as much as I shape it.
I do not want to bring my prejudices into love. I want to love with acceptance. I want to love in a way that brings peace and security, not questions and self doubt.
I want to love brightly and with energy. I want to love actively, forever curious, forever reaching out my hand for more. To help more, to comfort more, to be kind, to hold another hand in mine. I want to love in the time I am awake, so I can take my love to dream.
I want to love softly and gently. I want to love with a calm voice. I want to love sweetly, but never with saccharin or sarcasm. Because my love is genuine and I want its true light to shine through.
I want to love with deep passion. I want to share beliefs about the world and hold them to be true with each step I take. I want to love all creatures equally and never know what it is like to harm another.
I want to love my family, my friends, my peers. I want to love myself. I want to love all of the things we are together and all of the things we can be on our own.
I want to love you as you want to be loved. No more, or no less, with just the right brushstrokes, using just the rights colors, to paint a picture of the love we've shared through many years. So we can look back someday and remember that every day, in love, we were blessed.
That is how I want to love.
I want to love, not change. I want to grow in love, not bend it to my will. I want it to shape me as much as I shape it.
I do not want to bring my prejudices into love. I want to love with acceptance. I want to love in a way that brings peace and security, not questions and self doubt.
I want to love brightly and with energy. I want to love actively, forever curious, forever reaching out my hand for more. To help more, to comfort more, to be kind, to hold another hand in mine. I want to love in the time I am awake, so I can take my love to dream.
I want to love softly and gently. I want to love with a calm voice. I want to love sweetly, but never with saccharin or sarcasm. Because my love is genuine and I want its true light to shine through.
I want to love with deep passion. I want to share beliefs about the world and hold them to be true with each step I take. I want to love all creatures equally and never know what it is like to harm another.
I want to love my family, my friends, my peers. I want to love myself. I want to love all of the things we are together and all of the things we can be on our own.
I want to love you as you want to be loved. No more, or no less, with just the right brushstrokes, using just the rights colors, to paint a picture of the love we've shared through many years. So we can look back someday and remember that every day, in love, we were blessed.
That is how I want to love.
Monday, April 1, 2013
On Restructuring
With change, always comes a little pain. Even with change for the better, there are always questions and uncertainty and upsets within the system. Recently at work, we've been going through what has been called a time of restructuring. I've had many interesting conversations with people in different parts of the company to get their take on what this means, and really, from all angles, I get a resounding answer of "we don't know yet." This "yet" tacked on gives it a sense of temporary being, that we don't know what exactly the future will be, but we'll get there together, and once we're there, we'll know!
It's tough to be at a company for a long period of time and be completely content. Especially a company that has gone through as many changes as mine has. It was acquired back in 2008 when it was a small marketing firm, and has since grown and changed and evolved into the creative arm of a very large, very robust consulting company that seems to want it to do one thing, when it clearly wants to do quite another. Some people seem on board with the changes, but these people appear to be already doing the work that aligns with what the new structure needs most.
I hesitate to say which side of the fence I'm on because of a few things. I have a job. I have a secure job, serving two clients, in two different capacities. One of these is a writing job, which I'm very happy with, and my job isn't going anywhere anytime soon. I am lucky and grateful to have my job. The second thing is that I have the opportunity for growth. I don't know how or when the next bout of growth will happen, but it's happened already in the past year by leaps and bounds, and I can only see myself continuing to grow and develop here as time goes on. Lastly, I work with some of the best people I know. And I have no doubt that I will be taken care of no matter what happens.
So, let's restructure. Let's see where it takes us. To infinity and beyond. I'm ready to ride this thing out for the next year and see where we all end up.
It's tough to be at a company for a long period of time and be completely content. Especially a company that has gone through as many changes as mine has. It was acquired back in 2008 when it was a small marketing firm, and has since grown and changed and evolved into the creative arm of a very large, very robust consulting company that seems to want it to do one thing, when it clearly wants to do quite another. Some people seem on board with the changes, but these people appear to be already doing the work that aligns with what the new structure needs most.
I hesitate to say which side of the fence I'm on because of a few things. I have a job. I have a secure job, serving two clients, in two different capacities. One of these is a writing job, which I'm very happy with, and my job isn't going anywhere anytime soon. I am lucky and grateful to have my job. The second thing is that I have the opportunity for growth. I don't know how or when the next bout of growth will happen, but it's happened already in the past year by leaps and bounds, and I can only see myself continuing to grow and develop here as time goes on. Lastly, I work with some of the best people I know. And I have no doubt that I will be taken care of no matter what happens.
So, let's restructure. Let's see where it takes us. To infinity and beyond. I'm ready to ride this thing out for the next year and see where we all end up.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
March Fitness Update
March was an interesting month for me. It was full of travel - both for pleasure and for business. One thing I did differently was try to measure my workouts in minutes spent working out, not in times gone to the gym, because I was getting caught up in how many workouts I'd accomplished for the week and trying to get in multiple workouts a day. Longer, more rigorous workouts weren't counting for more, they were counting the same as a 20 minute stint on the elliptical. So I changed my way of thinking.
I haven't crunched the numbers yet, but I think with all of my travel, all of our plans every weekend, getting sick on my way back from San Francisco, and staying sick for over two weeks, I didn't get as many minutes (or workouts) in as I wanted to. I'm not ashamed or upset at myself for this, because I stayed on track with my weight for March, no gains, no losses, just maintaining at 197. I think if you're eating amazing food and not killing yourself at the gym, that should be the ultimate goal, right? To stay right where you are?
I did a pretty good job about not talking about my weight or size this past month, but you'll have to ask Dylan for specifics. Toward the end of the month, I started planning for a weight loss challenge with yelp. Check it out! I'm excited for the challenge, but it means really getting down to business for the next six weeks. Hopefully, by the time my April update rolls around, I'll have some real news to report in terms of weight loss! My goal for the six weeks is 12 pounds, which would mean I'd be down to 187. I don't know if that could actually happen, but I'm gunning for it.
For April, I want to lose the first five pounds (hey, the same five I wanted to lose last month!) of my challenge goal and get down to 192. I want to make my goal again to get 150 minutes of exercise a week. And I want to continue to find new and different ways to eat healthily- right now that means a giant tub of fresh strawberries and a tall glass of water for my after work snack. And hopefully, a run later on tonight!
I haven't crunched the numbers yet, but I think with all of my travel, all of our plans every weekend, getting sick on my way back from San Francisco, and staying sick for over two weeks, I didn't get as many minutes (or workouts) in as I wanted to. I'm not ashamed or upset at myself for this, because I stayed on track with my weight for March, no gains, no losses, just maintaining at 197. I think if you're eating amazing food and not killing yourself at the gym, that should be the ultimate goal, right? To stay right where you are?
I did a pretty good job about not talking about my weight or size this past month, but you'll have to ask Dylan for specifics. Toward the end of the month, I started planning for a weight loss challenge with yelp. Check it out! I'm excited for the challenge, but it means really getting down to business for the next six weeks. Hopefully, by the time my April update rolls around, I'll have some real news to report in terms of weight loss! My goal for the six weeks is 12 pounds, which would mean I'd be down to 187. I don't know if that could actually happen, but I'm gunning for it.
For April, I want to lose the first five pounds (hey, the same five I wanted to lose last month!) of my challenge goal and get down to 192. I want to make my goal again to get 150 minutes of exercise a week. And I want to continue to find new and different ways to eat healthily- right now that means a giant tub of fresh strawberries and a tall glass of water for my after work snack. And hopefully, a run later on tonight!
Sunday, March 24, 2013
A Day in New York
Just a disclaimer to this post. I have been traveling a lot this month, and keep confusing things that have happened here, with things that have happened elsewhere. It's been a lot of fun, and a whirlwind journey, but as I say at the bottom, I'm ready to settle in for a while and have some home time. Read on for our adventure yesterday.
Holy moly, what a day yesterday. We ran our errands around 10 (got gas, picked up my birth control prescription, went to Dylan's bank, hit up Bruegger's for breakfast, picked up my coat from the cleaner's) and then hit the road. We drove pretty steadily for about an hour and a half and then hit crazy traffic heading into Jersey City. It was a bunch of lane of traffic all merging into one lane, which was tough and took a lot of time. When we got to Anya and Jeff's they said the traffic was probably from the Holland Tunnel, but we didn't even experience that, it was just the crazy merging from the construction!
We drove into Jersey City, which was bigger than we expected, and found parking right away. We headed up to their apartment which was in one of those big old converted warehouses, and the apartment was beautiful!!! They had high ceilings and gorgeous, open space and lots of cool Ikea furniture and cute decor. Even their bedroom was well laid out and spacious. Their kitchen had spices and baking supplies all laid out in containers with labels and I started getting all sorts of ideas for our house someday!
We spent some time chatting with Anya, Jeff, Mark and Jenny and getting to know the place and their dog, Catherine Zeta Jones, the corgie! (Dylan got along with her marvelously!) And then, we all decided to go down the street for some brunch! We headed to a place called Skinner's Loft and Cove where there was a little wait and not much place to wait in, but we ended up sitting down sooner than expected and getting a nice table in the back. Since Dylan and I had already eaten that morning, we only ordered one meal to split, the cornflake crusted French toast, that was stuffed with a berry cream cheese filling, and just to die for! I also got a yummy apple beer that tasted great and was really refreshing. It'd be a great summer beer, drank on a patio in the sweltering heat!
We sat and talked and ate for over an hour and then got on our way to meet Megan in the city. So, we made our way to the Path train just a few blocks over in Jersey City and got a Metro Pass, with about twenty dollars on it for the train and subway and waited for the train. Something about Jersey City makes it so windy and of course, being March it was still freezing cold out, somehow underground too! We hopped on the train, and I was surprised that it only took us two stops to get to the World Trade Center in New York! We walked a bit to the subway, and then got on going toward Grand Central Station to meet Megan getting off of her train.
We had a big, group-hug-filled and photo-tastic reunion and all talked for a few minutes, then made our way to the Big Gay Ice Cream Shop in the East Village. I got Dylan a Monday Sundae cone, which was chocolate-nutella-caramel-salt-twist ice cream, just what he'd wanted, and I got a key lime ice cream sundae, which was right up my alley. We made a couple of pit stops along the way for Mark to pick up some coffee, since he is an aficionado, and then we kept on to our next destination, a trendy little speakeasy called Death & Co. Inside it was dim, lit only with candles and small lights. The cocktails, all of the ones at the table I tried of course, were incredible, and Dylan and I each got a craft beer. Most of the fun of hanging out in the city with my friends is not the trying new places or getting to experience the great food and drainks (though that is a great bonus), but it is the time we spend together and the laughs we have. Not to mention the plans we make for the future, like visiting Megan for her 30th birthday this year, hanging out at Andi's graduation party and getting together in Chicago for Jenny's 30th!
We hung out for a bit longer and then realized we only had a bit longer before Jeff had to get back to Zeta to let her out and Dylan and I had to get back to the car to get on the road. So we headed over to Zab Elee, a cute little Northern Thai restaurant, with an entire menu of things I had never heard of. I got fried beef with chili sauce and some crispy pork with Thai eggplant in curry with sticky rice. I wasn't sure about any of it, 100%, but it was all edible, and I definitely enjoyed my last meal with my friends that day.
Dylan and Jeff and I bid the others folks a fond farewell and headed back to Jersey City, where Jeff sent us on our way and we drove back to Philly. A couple hours later (with no traffic!), we were pulling into my driveway, exhausted, but happy after our 14 hour day of fun going to and from the city to see our friends. It's always an adventure these days, but I think I'm ready to spend some time at home and get my house clean and work out, and eat healthy food and stop spending so much money. Not that I would trade these adventures for anything in the world, but it's about damn time I settled down for a bit. And that's just what I'm about ready to do today.
Holy moly, what a day yesterday. We ran our errands around 10 (got gas, picked up my birth control prescription, went to Dylan's bank, hit up Bruegger's for breakfast, picked up my coat from the cleaner's) and then hit the road. We drove pretty steadily for about an hour and a half and then hit crazy traffic heading into Jersey City. It was a bunch of lane of traffic all merging into one lane, which was tough and took a lot of time. When we got to Anya and Jeff's they said the traffic was probably from the Holland Tunnel, but we didn't even experience that, it was just the crazy merging from the construction!
We drove into Jersey City, which was bigger than we expected, and found parking right away. We headed up to their apartment which was in one of those big old converted warehouses, and the apartment was beautiful!!! They had high ceilings and gorgeous, open space and lots of cool Ikea furniture and cute decor. Even their bedroom was well laid out and spacious. Their kitchen had spices and baking supplies all laid out in containers with labels and I started getting all sorts of ideas for our house someday!
We spent some time chatting with Anya, Jeff, Mark and Jenny and getting to know the place and their dog, Catherine Zeta Jones, the corgie! (Dylan got along with her marvelously!) And then, we all decided to go down the street for some brunch! We headed to a place called Skinner's Loft and Cove where there was a little wait and not much place to wait in, but we ended up sitting down sooner than expected and getting a nice table in the back. Since Dylan and I had already eaten that morning, we only ordered one meal to split, the cornflake crusted French toast, that was stuffed with a berry cream cheese filling, and just to die for! I also got a yummy apple beer that tasted great and was really refreshing. It'd be a great summer beer, drank on a patio in the sweltering heat!
We sat and talked and ate for over an hour and then got on our way to meet Megan in the city. So, we made our way to the Path train just a few blocks over in Jersey City and got a Metro Pass, with about twenty dollars on it for the train and subway and waited for the train. Something about Jersey City makes it so windy and of course, being March it was still freezing cold out, somehow underground too! We hopped on the train, and I was surprised that it only took us two stops to get to the World Trade Center in New York! We walked a bit to the subway, and then got on going toward Grand Central Station to meet Megan getting off of her train.
We had a big, group-hug-filled and photo-tastic reunion and all talked for a few minutes, then made our way to the Big Gay Ice Cream Shop in the East Village. I got Dylan a Monday Sundae cone, which was chocolate-nutella-caramel-salt-twist ice cream, just what he'd wanted, and I got a key lime ice cream sundae, which was right up my alley. We made a couple of pit stops along the way for Mark to pick up some coffee, since he is an aficionado, and then we kept on to our next destination, a trendy little speakeasy called Death & Co. Inside it was dim, lit only with candles and small lights. The cocktails, all of the ones at the table I tried of course, were incredible, and Dylan and I each got a craft beer. Most of the fun of hanging out in the city with my friends is not the trying new places or getting to experience the great food and drainks (though that is a great bonus), but it is the time we spend together and the laughs we have. Not to mention the plans we make for the future, like visiting Megan for her 30th birthday this year, hanging out at Andi's graduation party and getting together in Chicago for Jenny's 30th!
We hung out for a bit longer and then realized we only had a bit longer before Jeff had to get back to Zeta to let her out and Dylan and I had to get back to the car to get on the road. So we headed over to Zab Elee, a cute little Northern Thai restaurant, with an entire menu of things I had never heard of. I got fried beef with chili sauce and some crispy pork with Thai eggplant in curry with sticky rice. I wasn't sure about any of it, 100%, but it was all edible, and I definitely enjoyed my last meal with my friends that day.
Dylan and Jeff and I bid the others folks a fond farewell and headed back to Jersey City, where Jeff sent us on our way and we drove back to Philly. A couple hours later (with no traffic!), we were pulling into my driveway, exhausted, but happy after our 14 hour day of fun going to and from the city to see our friends. It's always an adventure these days, but I think I'm ready to spend some time at home and get my house clean and work out, and eat healthy food and stop spending so much money. Not that I would trade these adventures for anything in the world, but it's about damn time I settled down for a bit. And that's just what I'm about ready to do today.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
California Musings
It's been seven years since that trip
to California. Since I flew too high and crashed into the sun. Since I felt my
brain connecting in a million new ways. It's been seven years of rebuilding,
rebirth. Seven years of pills and talking about my struggles and my challenges.
Seven years to reclaim what I lost in California and start a new life - one I
could be proud of and feel I worked hard for.
It's been a long road to get back here
- to get back to a place where I could be on hundred percent ready for these
experiences - emotionally, financially, mentally. It's important to me now to
do things right - do them well and for the right reasons. I came to California
this time for much the same reason I came last time - to experience a new world
and and new people, new foods and new sights. To spend time with friends of
course, as well, but ultimately, to find adventure and on the way, find out a
bit more about myself.
What I have found that is dramatically
different about the last time I was here is that I am much more confident in
myself, my opinions, my needs and in the things that will make me happy. I feel
I was much less likely to speak up for myself at twenty-one than I am at
twenty-eight. I am much more fully myself, and while I felt a part of things when
we came last time, I feel now I am more present, more connected to the people
I'm with and the experiences we share.
To embody this spirit of being truly
oneself, speaking up for what you want, being who you are and connecting with
everything and everyone around you, is to be more fully alive. I find myself
remembering a lot of insecurities from when I came here at twenty-one. I wanted
people to like me and I wanted to fit in, I wanted to sound intelligent and I
wanted to be desirable. Now that I already feel an internal confidence about
these aspects of myself, I am no long seeking this approval elsewhere.
I by no means feel finished these days
- I do not feel enlightened or necessarily more empowered than I did seven
years ago. But I do feel more myself, more grounded in what I believe and who
it is I want to be. I think that the longer we live, the more of ourselves
comes out of us and the more sure of who we are we become.
But we will never be finished becoming
who we are. We will never wake up to discover that, yes, today is the day I am
the person I will be, unchanging, for the rest of my life. We will continue to
grow, to build upon our lives in ways that change us and make us more ourselves
than we've ever been.
Maybe I can come to California again -
if not in another seven years, then sometime in the future. Maybe I can come
for new experience, to reset my brain and truly think about what it is that I
believe in. I don't know who that woman will be, but I think I have an idea
that I'll like her very much.
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Remember when I didn't drink coffee for a whole year?
And now I can't seem to go a day without a cup? At least I've gotten away from drinking 3 or 4 cups every day. I try to limit myself to one, maybe two. But I kind of miss those days of freedom where I'd start my day feeling more energized and not like the coffee was the light at the end of the sleepy tunnel that would start my day off right for me. There's just something about that sweet, smokey elixir that makes everything seem right with the world. I can't shake it, and I think coffee and I are going to be friends for a long, long time.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
February Fitness Update
February has been busy and full of it's own challenges (new medicine that makes me sleepy, back pain, sore ankle, crazy work days), but I've kept on track with working out and ALMOST hit my target of 20 workouts for the month! Due to the changes and obstacles that life is throwing my way, I've decided to take a new approach to March's workout calendar and goals. Instead of saying, I'm going to work out THIS MANY TIMES, I will instead set a goal of minutes or hours for the month and try to hit that. That way, when I work out in a 90 minute yoga class or 60 minute cardio class, I'm getting the same bang for my buck for my goals as I am in terms of calories and health benefits. My goal for next month will be 150 minutes a week and we'll see how that goes!
My eating habits have been about the same. I've been eating whole and nutritious food for the most part, and investing in produce, healthy snacks (like dried fruit and almonds) and even healthier indulgences (like banana chips, toasted coconut and dark chocolate). I've still been cooking myself curries and stir fries to bring for lunch and eating salads and veggie rich meals for dinner. I want to start cooking myself breakfast some days during the week as an alternative to my daily yogurt and granola habit, but the afore-mentioned new meds have kind of been jamming up my mornings. But they have been making my anxiety/depression almost non-existent, so I am giving myself a pass on that and if yogurt and granola is it, that yogurt and granola it is!
The habit I've realized may have been sabotaging my weight loss goals is that I've been focusing so much on healthy snacking that that's what I've been doing: SNACKING. Even during February when I ate for almost the whole month gluten-free, I was still eating fruit, dried fruit, nuts, lara bars, corn chips, popcorn, yogurt, coconut, chocolate, anything you can think of. So, my diet focus for March will be to eat only when I'm hungry NOT when I'm bored or just feel like eating.
Lastly, I am going to try very hard during March to eliminate talking about my weight, size or shape as much as possible. I found myself more and more complaining about those things over and over again to people who just don't need to hear about it, and I'm ready for that to stop. So those are my goals:
1. Workout 150 minutes per week, or 30 minutes per week day.
2. Eat only when hungry, not when bored.
3. Do not talk about weight or size for the month.
4. Lose 5 pounds: weigh 192 or less by March 31
My eating habits have been about the same. I've been eating whole and nutritious food for the most part, and investing in produce, healthy snacks (like dried fruit and almonds) and even healthier indulgences (like banana chips, toasted coconut and dark chocolate). I've still been cooking myself curries and stir fries to bring for lunch and eating salads and veggie rich meals for dinner. I want to start cooking myself breakfast some days during the week as an alternative to my daily yogurt and granola habit, but the afore-mentioned new meds have kind of been jamming up my mornings. But they have been making my anxiety/depression almost non-existent, so I am giving myself a pass on that and if yogurt and granola is it, that yogurt and granola it is!
The habit I've realized may have been sabotaging my weight loss goals is that I've been focusing so much on healthy snacking that that's what I've been doing: SNACKING. Even during February when I ate for almost the whole month gluten-free, I was still eating fruit, dried fruit, nuts, lara bars, corn chips, popcorn, yogurt, coconut, chocolate, anything you can think of. So, my diet focus for March will be to eat only when I'm hungry NOT when I'm bored or just feel like eating.
Lastly, I am going to try very hard during March to eliminate talking about my weight, size or shape as much as possible. I found myself more and more complaining about those things over and over again to people who just don't need to hear about it, and I'm ready for that to stop. So those are my goals:
1. Workout 150 minutes per week, or 30 minutes per week day.
2. Eat only when hungry, not when bored.
3. Do not talk about weight or size for the month.
4. Lose 5 pounds: weigh 192 or less by March 31
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Do You Worry About How Interesting You Are? Because I Do...
I was in the shower last night and realized that I'm not very interesting. Yes, I can carry on interesting conversations with people, and talk about things that are beyond my daily routine, but for the most part, the things that are on my mind are my own concerns: my money, my health and body, my relationships and my job. And outside of that, what do I have?
Well, let's see. I like to read. I like music. I like going to concerts and downloading new singers and musicians, but I don't make music anymore. I like art and finding new artists, but I'm not particularly knowledgeable about any of them, nor do I make it a point to seek out art in my day to day life. I even stopped going to sketch class on Mondays and Wednesdays. I like cooking and dining out, but I don't think I know enough about gourmet food to be considered a true "foodie". And I love wine, but I'm definitely not up to speed enough about wines to be considered an expert on that. I enjoy political discussions, but I'm not informed enough. I love traveling, but I don't make or save enough money to do it regularly.
I guess what I'm saying is that I like a lot of things, but I don't think I'm particularly great at any one thing or pursue anything with abandon enough to say that I have a passion. So that most of the time, my brain is not consumed with any deep amazing thoughts that keep me in a state of thinking and thinking, I'm mostly pondering what I should do about my credit card debt and how I shouldn't have bought those concert tickets yesterday, even though it's going to be an amazing time.
I don't know if this means I should pick something to be passionate about and pursue it, or if I'm ok leading a life without that kind of fire for say ART! Or WINE! Cause I'm an ART PERSON! OR A WINE PERSON! Also, with all of my time spent seeing friends, running errands, going to the gym and working, I don't know when I would find extra time to put into something that I'm assuming would take a lot of extra time.
My dear friend Kaela volunteers as the Executive Director now (she has risen high in the ranks) of the Boho Theater Company in Chicago and spends many hours every week meeting, planning, coordinating, attending rehearsals or auditions and anything else that needs to be done. She does this in addition to her day job AND her school work (she is getting her masters degree currently). I cannot fathom how she finds the time for everything and still has time for herself.
I was actually thinking of applying to get a masters degree myself last year, before I made the decision to pursue writing at my company. I knew it would be a lot of work, and I vowed that I would still find time for all the things I loved. But to be honest, I don't know if I could have done it and still kept up with everything I want to do. At this point in my life, I am happy supplementing my knowledge and degree with conferences, meetup groups, articles and books: things that are manageable in pieces and do not span months or years of my life.
But this brings me back to the place where I still worry that I am not interesting enough. That I am not passionate enough about any one thing to be a person with passion. Does it count to be passionately in love with one's partner? Does being in love make you interesting? I'm thinking the world of single people thinks it does not. And I think it makes people glad that you're in a relationship that makes you happy, but they don't wish to see you more because of it. They don't say "Oh Amanda was cool before, but ever since she got that boyfriend, she's been AWESOME to hang out with!"
I guess to broaden that concept a bit more, I could simply be passionate about my relationships. I think that's what it's all about anyway. That's what I could dwell on in the dark of night: how to strengthen my relationships with my friends, my family, my boyfriend, my coworkers. That's something that's important to me. And whether or not that makes me interesting, I guess will just have to be determined later. I could take all of my little interests and infuse them into my relationships in little ways thereby making them bigger by the communities of which they're a part. And that doesn't sound half bad.
Well, let's see. I like to read. I like music. I like going to concerts and downloading new singers and musicians, but I don't make music anymore. I like art and finding new artists, but I'm not particularly knowledgeable about any of them, nor do I make it a point to seek out art in my day to day life. I even stopped going to sketch class on Mondays and Wednesdays. I like cooking and dining out, but I don't think I know enough about gourmet food to be considered a true "foodie". And I love wine, but I'm definitely not up to speed enough about wines to be considered an expert on that. I enjoy political discussions, but I'm not informed enough. I love traveling, but I don't make or save enough money to do it regularly.
I guess what I'm saying is that I like a lot of things, but I don't think I'm particularly great at any one thing or pursue anything with abandon enough to say that I have a passion. So that most of the time, my brain is not consumed with any deep amazing thoughts that keep me in a state of thinking and thinking, I'm mostly pondering what I should do about my credit card debt and how I shouldn't have bought those concert tickets yesterday, even though it's going to be an amazing time.
I don't know if this means I should pick something to be passionate about and pursue it, or if I'm ok leading a life without that kind of fire for say ART! Or WINE! Cause I'm an ART PERSON! OR A WINE PERSON! Also, with all of my time spent seeing friends, running errands, going to the gym and working, I don't know when I would find extra time to put into something that I'm assuming would take a lot of extra time.
My dear friend Kaela volunteers as the Executive Director now (she has risen high in the ranks) of the Boho Theater Company in Chicago and spends many hours every week meeting, planning, coordinating, attending rehearsals or auditions and anything else that needs to be done. She does this in addition to her day job AND her school work (she is getting her masters degree currently). I cannot fathom how she finds the time for everything and still has time for herself.
I was actually thinking of applying to get a masters degree myself last year, before I made the decision to pursue writing at my company. I knew it would be a lot of work, and I vowed that I would still find time for all the things I loved. But to be honest, I don't know if I could have done it and still kept up with everything I want to do. At this point in my life, I am happy supplementing my knowledge and degree with conferences, meetup groups, articles and books: things that are manageable in pieces and do not span months or years of my life.
But this brings me back to the place where I still worry that I am not interesting enough. That I am not passionate enough about any one thing to be a person with passion. Does it count to be passionately in love with one's partner? Does being in love make you interesting? I'm thinking the world of single people thinks it does not. And I think it makes people glad that you're in a relationship that makes you happy, but they don't wish to see you more because of it. They don't say "Oh Amanda was cool before, but ever since she got that boyfriend, she's been AWESOME to hang out with!"
I guess to broaden that concept a bit more, I could simply be passionate about my relationships. I think that's what it's all about anyway. That's what I could dwell on in the dark of night: how to strengthen my relationships with my friends, my family, my boyfriend, my coworkers. That's something that's important to me. And whether or not that makes me interesting, I guess will just have to be determined later. I could take all of my little interests and infuse them into my relationships in little ways thereby making them bigger by the communities of which they're a part. And that doesn't sound half bad.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Let's Not Talk About Money, M'k?
I cannot believe how fast these days are going by. They're great days, and I'm having lots of fun and learning a lot, but they're just flying by me like nothing else. We're almost at the end of February. This weekend is Callan's birthday, next weekend is our night with Liza and Janire, and the weekend after that, I'll be in San Francisco! After that, time will keep flying and we'll be doing our sexy photoshoot for Jess' birthday, then my conference, then hanging with Anya and Jeff and Jen and Mark in NY and then it's almost April!
Whew. I need to take a breath. I feel like I'm in overdrive a little bit. The good news is I'm doing well with everything. My health, my body, my brain, my work, my friends, my family, everything seems to be in balance. A negative person might think that this is a sign that something is about to go wrong. The optimist that I am thinks that negative person might be right, but damn it, I don't care because my life is great right now and that's all I have to worry about. That's the attitude I try to keep, anyway.
I love looking back at the past 4 years and seeing how far I've come from the scared, heavy set, stressed out, confused girl who was somehow full of wonder and awe at all of the opportunity and the world around her. That girl was too scared by her bosses to sit in and contribute in a Zip Car meeting. That girl who was not too scared to take off to New York City without a place to stay on a Friday night, knowing it would all work out. That girl was me, and I'm proud of who she was.
She's grown up a lot. Boy, when I look back on all the mistakes I made with my money back then...and my bills...and my life. But that was just part of growing up. Now, I know to stock money away into savings, pay off my credit cards when I can, and not to rack up too much excessive debt, although as I learned even this year, I suck at following my own rules sometimes!
By reading blogs and paying close attention to my debt and bottom lines, the important thing that I'm gaining this year is an overall awareness of my financial state that was just coming into being a few years ago. Seeing how far I've come since college is an even more drastic change. I don't know how I lived like I did, leeching off of my loans and making big purchases and never looking back. I was not accountable for my actions and it manifested itself in debt and poor life choices. But now, 6 or 7 years later, I am worlds farther than I was back then and making rather good choices.
I'm working on pumping up my 401K, my savings account, and paying off my credit card debt. Less than $1800 to go on that last one. And then, I am doing my best to stay credit card debt free for 1 year. That is one of my goals. In that time, I should be able to build up a healthy emergency fund of a few thousand dollars for things that come up and then I'll never have to rely on my credit cards again, except to help build my credit and earn me free flights! That was not such a bad bonus of getting my Southwest credit card, though my overzealous use of the card and racking up $2500 in debt was not so fun.
I'm on an unofficial shopping hiatus right now. I am only buying: food, pet supplies, toiletries, household essentials and occasional dining/drinking out. Otherwise, all of my money will go to bills and savings. This is going to be hard with traveling, but I think it'll be worth it once I hit $1000 in my savings account and (gasp) maybe even can take some out of there to use for trips in between paychecks. It's hard right now, since I'm paying back my two (TWO) 401K loans and I just increased my 401K contributions AAAAND taxes went up for 2013. So my paycheck looks and feels pretty measly. But I'm probably getting a raise (fingers crossed) in March and HOPEFULLY a bonus to help eradicate a bit more of my credit card debt. And then, a few months later, my loans will be paid off and I'll have more money to put towards my goals. My new money mantra: MAKE IT TO AUGUST.
Whew. I need to take a breath. I feel like I'm in overdrive a little bit. The good news is I'm doing well with everything. My health, my body, my brain, my work, my friends, my family, everything seems to be in balance. A negative person might think that this is a sign that something is about to go wrong. The optimist that I am thinks that negative person might be right, but damn it, I don't care because my life is great right now and that's all I have to worry about. That's the attitude I try to keep, anyway.
I love looking back at the past 4 years and seeing how far I've come from the scared, heavy set, stressed out, confused girl who was somehow full of wonder and awe at all of the opportunity and the world around her. That girl was too scared by her bosses to sit in and contribute in a Zip Car meeting. That girl who was not too scared to take off to New York City without a place to stay on a Friday night, knowing it would all work out. That girl was me, and I'm proud of who she was.
She's grown up a lot. Boy, when I look back on all the mistakes I made with my money back then...and my bills...and my life. But that was just part of growing up. Now, I know to stock money away into savings, pay off my credit cards when I can, and not to rack up too much excessive debt, although as I learned even this year, I suck at following my own rules sometimes!
By reading blogs and paying close attention to my debt and bottom lines, the important thing that I'm gaining this year is an overall awareness of my financial state that was just coming into being a few years ago. Seeing how far I've come since college is an even more drastic change. I don't know how I lived like I did, leeching off of my loans and making big purchases and never looking back. I was not accountable for my actions and it manifested itself in debt and poor life choices. But now, 6 or 7 years later, I am worlds farther than I was back then and making rather good choices.
I'm working on pumping up my 401K, my savings account, and paying off my credit card debt. Less than $1800 to go on that last one. And then, I am doing my best to stay credit card debt free for 1 year. That is one of my goals. In that time, I should be able to build up a healthy emergency fund of a few thousand dollars for things that come up and then I'll never have to rely on my credit cards again, except to help build my credit and earn me free flights! That was not such a bad bonus of getting my Southwest credit card, though my overzealous use of the card and racking up $2500 in debt was not so fun.
I'm on an unofficial shopping hiatus right now. I am only buying: food, pet supplies, toiletries, household essentials and occasional dining/drinking out. Otherwise, all of my money will go to bills and savings. This is going to be hard with traveling, but I think it'll be worth it once I hit $1000 in my savings account and (gasp) maybe even can take some out of there to use for trips in between paychecks. It's hard right now, since I'm paying back my two (TWO) 401K loans and I just increased my 401K contributions AAAAND taxes went up for 2013. So my paycheck looks and feels pretty measly. But I'm probably getting a raise (fingers crossed) in March and HOPEFULLY a bonus to help eradicate a bit more of my credit card debt. And then, a few months later, my loans will be paid off and I'll have more money to put towards my goals. My new money mantra: MAKE IT TO AUGUST.
Monday, February 18, 2013
Just, you know, a regular Monday... :)
It's Monday! And I didn't have a bad day! Even though I slept in! And I had a shit ton to do! And I made it to the gym! And ran all of my errands! And I'm making dinner for Dylan and me! It's Monday and everything is OK! I can't take these things for granted because just a couple of months ago, this was unheard of. Or at least rate. But I am eternally grateful for my psychiatrist and his tip that I should try taking Topomax. It has saved my life on Mondays, even though it may not sound like much.
On this particular Monday, I am making stuffed peppers for dinner. I had an idea in my mind of what stuffed peppers were, or should be, and I kind of just went with it from there. I knew I had rice, so I bought peppers and beef and an onion for flavor. At home, I added some fresh garlic and garlic powder, salt and pepper, seasoned diced tomatoes and even some spinach. And man, do my stuffed peppers look way better than the ones on the internet. I think I might post my recipe on the google share page!
So I don't know if it's the Topomax or what, but I am having a very hard time waking up at or before 6 in the morning lately. In fact, I have had a hard time getting out of bed anytime before 7! I am not sure what the reason quite is, but I'm not terribly concerned. My goal is going to be to take a pre-7 am train at least 2 times per week, whether it be the 6:12 or the 6:45. And hopefully, from there, I can build back up again. We'll see!
I'm also not 100% convinced that I should be continuing with this gluten-free business for as long as I was going to (she says as she drinks a Dos Equis Amber). I think I have to change something drastic if I want to lose the 10 or 15 pounds that I wanted to by my birthday, but I don't think going gluten free is the way to do it. Though, it does make me feel good, and it has been good for maintaining my weight over the course of 3 weeks and that's not something to look down upon, when those 3 weeks have included decadent Italian dinners, binge drinking, nights full of cheese and lots and lots of sweets!
On my list of things to do today, and something I didn't get to, was to call my insurance company and find out what my roadside assistance happens to be, since I don't know much about it. I received an offer in the mail to become a AAA member for just $52 a year and I have to be honest, it sounds like a pretty good deal. I'd consider doing it, but I just don't want to double up since I specifically remember that I get roadside assistance with Progressive. I'll find out tomorrow, hopefully!
I also have to drag my butt down to the doctor's office tomorrow to drop off a bloodwork prescription from my psychiastrist for my primary care doctor who has got to write the master prescription. It's that time of year again! I have been a healthy beast over the past year, but one thing I was specifically told to do that I did NOT do was take Vitamin D supplements. That might be on my "next year's" list of things to do. Not 2014, per se, but my "before 30" bucket list. BEFORE 30. Damn, I am getting old.
I talked to Jo and Nancy about doing a brunch at Mad Mex for my birthday again this year, making it kind of like a tradition, but I was thinking that it might be good to have kind of a low key birthday this year. It seems like each year keeps outdoing the last and I don't want one of these birthdays to end up a colossal disappointment. So maybe this year, I can have a little brunch with my coworkers, a night out with Bob and Justin in NYC, and maybe a night out in Ardmore with Callan and Sean. Hopefully, we can catch up with Anya and Jeff in NYC too, since they seem to be my birthday buds lately! Since I have 2 whole months to figure this birthday business out, I think I'll be safe. For now, I have to plan this night out to see Stephen Lynch w/ Jo and the gang, the Carpe Diem party on Friday and the next Philadelphia FTI event!
On this particular Monday, I am making stuffed peppers for dinner. I had an idea in my mind of what stuffed peppers were, or should be, and I kind of just went with it from there. I knew I had rice, so I bought peppers and beef and an onion for flavor. At home, I added some fresh garlic and garlic powder, salt and pepper, seasoned diced tomatoes and even some spinach. And man, do my stuffed peppers look way better than the ones on the internet. I think I might post my recipe on the google share page!
So I don't know if it's the Topomax or what, but I am having a very hard time waking up at or before 6 in the morning lately. In fact, I have had a hard time getting out of bed anytime before 7! I am not sure what the reason quite is, but I'm not terribly concerned. My goal is going to be to take a pre-7 am train at least 2 times per week, whether it be the 6:12 or the 6:45. And hopefully, from there, I can build back up again. We'll see!
I'm also not 100% convinced that I should be continuing with this gluten-free business for as long as I was going to (she says as she drinks a Dos Equis Amber). I think I have to change something drastic if I want to lose the 10 or 15 pounds that I wanted to by my birthday, but I don't think going gluten free is the way to do it. Though, it does make me feel good, and it has been good for maintaining my weight over the course of 3 weeks and that's not something to look down upon, when those 3 weeks have included decadent Italian dinners, binge drinking, nights full of cheese and lots and lots of sweets!
On my list of things to do today, and something I didn't get to, was to call my insurance company and find out what my roadside assistance happens to be, since I don't know much about it. I received an offer in the mail to become a AAA member for just $52 a year and I have to be honest, it sounds like a pretty good deal. I'd consider doing it, but I just don't want to double up since I specifically remember that I get roadside assistance with Progressive. I'll find out tomorrow, hopefully!
I also have to drag my butt down to the doctor's office tomorrow to drop off a bloodwork prescription from my psychiastrist for my primary care doctor who has got to write the master prescription. It's that time of year again! I have been a healthy beast over the past year, but one thing I was specifically told to do that I did NOT do was take Vitamin D supplements. That might be on my "next year's" list of things to do. Not 2014, per se, but my "before 30" bucket list. BEFORE 30. Damn, I am getting old.
I talked to Jo and Nancy about doing a brunch at Mad Mex for my birthday again this year, making it kind of like a tradition, but I was thinking that it might be good to have kind of a low key birthday this year. It seems like each year keeps outdoing the last and I don't want one of these birthdays to end up a colossal disappointment. So maybe this year, I can have a little brunch with my coworkers, a night out with Bob and Justin in NYC, and maybe a night out in Ardmore with Callan and Sean. Hopefully, we can catch up with Anya and Jeff in NYC too, since they seem to be my birthday buds lately! Since I have 2 whole months to figure this birthday business out, I think I'll be safe. For now, I have to plan this night out to see Stephen Lynch w/ Jo and the gang, the Carpe Diem party on Friday and the next Philadelphia FTI event!
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Victorious Adventure!!!!
I'm at my mom and dad's house! Yay!!!!
We had such an adventure on the road yesterday and today. Driving through New Jersey was not too terribly bad; it was mostly raining until we got into northern New Jersey, and then the slush on the roads started. It wasn't until the very top of New Jersey that things started to get really bad. Once we entered New York, things got marginally better, but I still couldn't drive faster than 40 or 45 miles per hour, so we basically had to double whatever the GPS said for our estimated time left for the journey. When we got to about 2 and a quarter hours left, Dylan took the road conditions and my nervousness, and suggested that we call it a night and pull off the highway and stay somewhere. He said today that it took some convincing, but all I remember from last night was being over the moon happy that he suggested it because I could finally relax and not feel so tense and scared about driving any more for the night.
We only had about 8 or 9 miles left to go on the highway and then we pulled off the first exit we saw and found a hotel. Originally, we were following Siri to a Travel Inn a few miles from the highway, but we seemed to be driving into seedier and seedier territory, so we took a bit of a U-turn, and went back towards the highway to a Howard Johnson's we had seen from the road. The snow was so bad on the main road that you basically couldn't see anything that resembled lanes and just had to kind of stay on your side of the road. We made it to Howard Johnson's alright, and to my surprise the cost of the room was only $67 with tax.
We parked quickly next to the lot and brought our stuff upstairs. The hotel wasn't great, but it was safe and warm and had a TV and a shower and a bed and being there meant we didn't have to drive in the snow anymore. We dropped our stuff off in the room and went off in search of food. We found Neptune's Diner that we had passed on the way in and after we parked and trudged in, we were disappointed to hear that they were closing up shop in just 10 minutes. We asked for a recommendation for another restaurant in town, and they let us know that they had been the only place open. Sure enough, every place we passed was closed: Panera, TGI Friday's, Chili's, IHOP. So we went to the place that I knew best would have SOMETHING we could eat: Stewart's!
I'm still trying to eat gluten free, so I had to get a little creative (and be ok with not eating THAT healthy for a night!) I got a bowl of chili that I ate with a big bag of Tostito's scoopers chips and a can of not-so-good-for-you, but gluten free, jalepeno cheese. I also snagged an apple, an orange, a piece of cheddar cheese and a Cadbury caramel egg and Dylan picked up a pint of Death by Chocolate ice cream. Yum! We basically went back to the hotel (after chatting with the nice Stewart's employees who had to stay at work in the horrible snow storm) and feasted on all this tasty food while on the bed since our hotel room only had one chair.
We watched some bad TV, and then snuggled into bed while watching The Office on hulu plus (we were four episodes behind! Huzzah!) Megan Shedden also saw on facebook that we had landed in Newburgh for the night, so she caught up with me via text and we arranged to meet at IHOP the next morning for brunch!
Dylan woke up this morning around 7:45 and went to the bathroom, checking on his phone for road conditions. It had stopped snowing and was sunny! It wasn't for another hour and a half that we got up, but at around 9:30, I finally showered and then went out to clear off the car while Dylan got ready. There must have been a foot of snow at least! We got our stuff together and met Megan for a wonderful brunch and caught up for about an hour, and then we were on our way again!
It only took us a couple of hours to get to Queensbury from Newburgh, which was not a bad drive for a Saturday afternoon. We dropped off presents for the Fallons and then picked up some bacon and chocolate which I am about to make into a wonderful snack for Feb Sux! So, adventure for the win! And here's to a fun night out with wonderful people tonight! Hope everyone stayed safe and warm in the blizzard!!!
We had such an adventure on the road yesterday and today. Driving through New Jersey was not too terribly bad; it was mostly raining until we got into northern New Jersey, and then the slush on the roads started. It wasn't until the very top of New Jersey that things started to get really bad. Once we entered New York, things got marginally better, but I still couldn't drive faster than 40 or 45 miles per hour, so we basically had to double whatever the GPS said for our estimated time left for the journey. When we got to about 2 and a quarter hours left, Dylan took the road conditions and my nervousness, and suggested that we call it a night and pull off the highway and stay somewhere. He said today that it took some convincing, but all I remember from last night was being over the moon happy that he suggested it because I could finally relax and not feel so tense and scared about driving any more for the night.
We only had about 8 or 9 miles left to go on the highway and then we pulled off the first exit we saw and found a hotel. Originally, we were following Siri to a Travel Inn a few miles from the highway, but we seemed to be driving into seedier and seedier territory, so we took a bit of a U-turn, and went back towards the highway to a Howard Johnson's we had seen from the road. The snow was so bad on the main road that you basically couldn't see anything that resembled lanes and just had to kind of stay on your side of the road. We made it to Howard Johnson's alright, and to my surprise the cost of the room was only $67 with tax.
We parked quickly next to the lot and brought our stuff upstairs. The hotel wasn't great, but it was safe and warm and had a TV and a shower and a bed and being there meant we didn't have to drive in the snow anymore. We dropped our stuff off in the room and went off in search of food. We found Neptune's Diner that we had passed on the way in and after we parked and trudged in, we were disappointed to hear that they were closing up shop in just 10 minutes. We asked for a recommendation for another restaurant in town, and they let us know that they had been the only place open. Sure enough, every place we passed was closed: Panera, TGI Friday's, Chili's, IHOP. So we went to the place that I knew best would have SOMETHING we could eat: Stewart's!
I'm still trying to eat gluten free, so I had to get a little creative (and be ok with not eating THAT healthy for a night!) I got a bowl of chili that I ate with a big bag of Tostito's scoopers chips and a can of not-so-good-for-you, but gluten free, jalepeno cheese. I also snagged an apple, an orange, a piece of cheddar cheese and a Cadbury caramel egg and Dylan picked up a pint of Death by Chocolate ice cream. Yum! We basically went back to the hotel (after chatting with the nice Stewart's employees who had to stay at work in the horrible snow storm) and feasted on all this tasty food while on the bed since our hotel room only had one chair.
We watched some bad TV, and then snuggled into bed while watching The Office on hulu plus (we were four episodes behind! Huzzah!) Megan Shedden also saw on facebook that we had landed in Newburgh for the night, so she caught up with me via text and we arranged to meet at IHOP the next morning for brunch!
Dylan woke up this morning around 7:45 and went to the bathroom, checking on his phone for road conditions. It had stopped snowing and was sunny! It wasn't for another hour and a half that we got up, but at around 9:30, I finally showered and then went out to clear off the car while Dylan got ready. There must have been a foot of snow at least! We got our stuff together and met Megan for a wonderful brunch and caught up for about an hour, and then we were on our way again!
It only took us a couple of hours to get to Queensbury from Newburgh, which was not a bad drive for a Saturday afternoon. We dropped off presents for the Fallons and then picked up some bacon and chocolate which I am about to make into a wonderful snack for Feb Sux! So, adventure for the win! And here's to a fun night out with wonderful people tonight! Hope everyone stayed safe and warm in the blizzard!!!
Friday, February 8, 2013
Stressed Out By Snow
We were scheduled to leave for upstate New York today at 1:30 or so,
and then a few days ago, it became clear that a giant snowstorm would be
headed for the northeast this very afternoon. I've gotten lots and lots
of warnings from friends, coworkers and family not to drive in the snow
and to wait until Saturday and to stay home. I am honestly torn as to
what to do. I just checked out some traffic cameras in middle and
northern New Jersey, and so far there is no snow. I think if we left
right away and got on the road and just powered through until we hit
snow in New York state, we could take it easy as we drove into it, and
it might only add an hour or two onto our trip. But at the same time, I
don't want to end up in a spot where we're still over a hundred miles
from my parents' house and it's dark and the snow is terrible and the
plows aren't in front of us. That's my biggest fear- getting to a point
where driving scares me and I feel unsafe, but I've gotten us far enough
that we have to keep going.
I know I may have regrets either way, and it would be better to be safe and stay home than to potentially put Dylan and I in danger on the road. But I will be so disappointed to miss the party and see photos of everyone having fun without me. What did Bridget call it? FOMO? Fear of missing out. That was it. I have it, big time.
So basically, I don't know whether I should consult some ultimate higher power (the highway department, my mom), decide to just go for broke and DO IT and know that I can pull off and go somewhere safe if I feel like I can't do it anymore, or if I should just suck it up and do the safest thing which would be to wait until tomorrow morning and decide then. Something tells me the roads in Jersey will be twice as bad tomorrow morning than they will be today.
I guess ultimately I will talk it over with Dylan and see what he thinks we should do. I will show him the traffic cameras and we can look up the forecasts for the storm in New York and New Jersey and call my mom, if he wants. But I know this is not just my decision to make. The only thing is if we decide to stay the night tonight, we should most certainly head back to my house. I don't want my car getting towed from University City for some obscure snow removal law.
Why are these decisions so tough to make? There's no clear answer!
If I don't go, I'm not just missing out on Meredith and Alan and Kelly and Addison and Danielle and Ron and Kim and Jen and Sean and Beau and Shael and Jason and Sarah and Nadine and all the people I would see at the party. I'm missing out on seeing my parents. And I'm missing out on seeing my little girls.
I know this much - if we make the drive and it's crazy and awful and we make it, we will certainly need a drink tomorrow night! I still need to think about making the bacon as well, which hasn't even crossed my mind until we figure out what we're doing as far as driving. I don't even know how to MAKE chocolate covered bacon. I'm assuming I'll just buy some semi-sweet chocolate chips and melt them down on the stove with a little milk maybe? And then dip cooked strips of bacon into the chocolate? I'll do my best! And here's another question. If we decide to play things by ear and see what the weather holds for us tomorrow instead of driving today, should we make the bacon tonight?? I don't want oodles of chocolate covered bacon around my house and I certainly don't want Dylan housing it all on his own.
Basically, I am a hot mess and need to figure my shit out. I am picking up my car in less than an hour. Agh.
I know I may have regrets either way, and it would be better to be safe and stay home than to potentially put Dylan and I in danger on the road. But I will be so disappointed to miss the party and see photos of everyone having fun without me. What did Bridget call it? FOMO? Fear of missing out. That was it. I have it, big time.
So basically, I don't know whether I should consult some ultimate higher power (the highway department, my mom), decide to just go for broke and DO IT and know that I can pull off and go somewhere safe if I feel like I can't do it anymore, or if I should just suck it up and do the safest thing which would be to wait until tomorrow morning and decide then. Something tells me the roads in Jersey will be twice as bad tomorrow morning than they will be today.
I guess ultimately I will talk it over with Dylan and see what he thinks we should do. I will show him the traffic cameras and we can look up the forecasts for the storm in New York and New Jersey and call my mom, if he wants. But I know this is not just my decision to make. The only thing is if we decide to stay the night tonight, we should most certainly head back to my house. I don't want my car getting towed from University City for some obscure snow removal law.
Why are these decisions so tough to make? There's no clear answer!
If I don't go, I'm not just missing out on Meredith and Alan and Kelly and Addison and Danielle and Ron and Kim and Jen and Sean and Beau and Shael and Jason and Sarah and Nadine and all the people I would see at the party. I'm missing out on seeing my parents. And I'm missing out on seeing my little girls.
I know this much - if we make the drive and it's crazy and awful and we make it, we will certainly need a drink tomorrow night! I still need to think about making the bacon as well, which hasn't even crossed my mind until we figure out what we're doing as far as driving. I don't even know how to MAKE chocolate covered bacon. I'm assuming I'll just buy some semi-sweet chocolate chips and melt them down on the stove with a little milk maybe? And then dip cooked strips of bacon into the chocolate? I'll do my best! And here's another question. If we decide to play things by ear and see what the weather holds for us tomorrow instead of driving today, should we make the bacon tonight?? I don't want oodles of chocolate covered bacon around my house and I certainly don't want Dylan housing it all on his own.
Basically, I am a hot mess and need to figure my shit out. I am picking up my car in less than an hour. Agh.
Monday, January 21, 2013
January Fitness Update
Well, I've been kicking ass this year on the working out front. Almost every work day, I've been at the gym at least once, sometimes twice! I'm starting hot yoga for a month soon, and after that, it may be onto Lithe or Rowzone to vary my workouts with running, cardio classes, circuit training and weight lifting. I feel like I've done well over the past year building up a repertoire of exercises that will help me get to where I want to be.
On the not so kick ass side of things has been my winter eating habits. I seem to be hungry all the time, no matter how much fiber and protein I try to pack in, and I've been basically eating everything in site! I'm still trying to make healthy choices, but true to form, I haven't really restricted anything from my diet. I am up to 197 pounds as of this morning, which, if you were keeping track, is almost 8 pounds heavier than my lowest weight last year. I think I've really got to make some big changes with how I'm eating if I want to reach my goal of 184 before my birthday this year. I know April seems a ways off, but it always creeps up on me and I've never been this close before! It's actually doable this year! I just need to...you know...do it.
So, on the horizon, continuing to pursue workouts like a champ, snacking on copious amounts of fruit, protein bars, tea and nuts to keep me full during the week and making better choices for what I stuff my face with on the weekends. Practicing mindful eating is something I want to keep at, though it has been hard for me. And I may look into a short fast/cleanse once I get my tax return or yearly bonus from work, just to jumpstart what I know I'm already good at doing for the most part...eating healthy foods!
Stay tuned for next month, where I'll talk about how my month of yoga was, and give an update on where my weight is after trying to reignite my motivation three weeks into the year.
On the not so kick ass side of things has been my winter eating habits. I seem to be hungry all the time, no matter how much fiber and protein I try to pack in, and I've been basically eating everything in site! I'm still trying to make healthy choices, but true to form, I haven't really restricted anything from my diet. I am up to 197 pounds as of this morning, which, if you were keeping track, is almost 8 pounds heavier than my lowest weight last year. I think I've really got to make some big changes with how I'm eating if I want to reach my goal of 184 before my birthday this year. I know April seems a ways off, but it always creeps up on me and I've never been this close before! It's actually doable this year! I just need to...you know...do it.
So, on the horizon, continuing to pursue workouts like a champ, snacking on copious amounts of fruit, protein bars, tea and nuts to keep me full during the week and making better choices for what I stuff my face with on the weekends. Practicing mindful eating is something I want to keep at, though it has been hard for me. And I may look into a short fast/cleanse once I get my tax return or yearly bonus from work, just to jumpstart what I know I'm already good at doing for the most part...eating healthy foods!
Stay tuned for next month, where I'll talk about how my month of yoga was, and give an update on where my weight is after trying to reignite my motivation three weeks into the year.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Steering the Year Ahead
Good morning! It's new year's day, and I was up at the crack of dawn like many years in recent past, filled with energy, ready to take on the world. So what do I do? In years past, I've made oodles of fancy pancakes, gone for a run, bought new work clothes, emailed friends. But I always seem to, in some form, make some new year's resolutions.
I tried to be smart with mine this year. Nothing too lofty, but nothing too vague either. I know I haven't really fostered a community of commentators on my blog, but I'd love to hear *your* resolutions if you'd like to share them.
Please note, this is separate, in tandem with, and choreographed alongside my yearly bucket list that I write with friends at our birthdays. Those goals are truly measurable, whereas these seem to be more guidelines to steer the year ahead.
Here goes:
1. Write. Often. Anything. Practice makes perfect. Get just a tiny bit better this year.
2. Work out on more days this year. Last year, it was more than half. This year, make it two thirds. No rules about what or for how long.
3. Stay smart with money. Before committing to anything, as small as a latte, as big as a trip, figure out if it can be done 100% without credit. Keep saving little by little. Throw a little extra at my smallest loan if I can. We can do this.
4. Remember how much you love your job. Find new ways to get better at it. Continue to make it a priority, with a smile on your face.
5. Keep cooking. Take notes. Don't be afraid to try new things.
6. Work on giving digital photos a new lease on life off the hard drive and in the cloud. Sharing is caring.
7. Pare down possessions. Stuff for the sake of stuff isn't worth much.
8. Tell, and show, the ones you love that you do. Letters, cards, poems, pictures- all good ways to do more of #1 and #3 too.
9. Follow through on all promises. Cause that's the kinda chick you are.
10. Last but never least, don't rely on anyone else to tell you you're smart or beautiful or worth it. Ever ever.
I tried to be smart with mine this year. Nothing too lofty, but nothing too vague either. I know I haven't really fostered a community of commentators on my blog, but I'd love to hear *your* resolutions if you'd like to share them.
Please note, this is separate, in tandem with, and choreographed alongside my yearly bucket list that I write with friends at our birthdays. Those goals are truly measurable, whereas these seem to be more guidelines to steer the year ahead.
Here goes:
1. Write. Often. Anything. Practice makes perfect. Get just a tiny bit better this year.
2. Work out on more days this year. Last year, it was more than half. This year, make it two thirds. No rules about what or for how long.
3. Stay smart with money. Before committing to anything, as small as a latte, as big as a trip, figure out if it can be done 100% without credit. Keep saving little by little. Throw a little extra at my smallest loan if I can. We can do this.
4. Remember how much you love your job. Find new ways to get better at it. Continue to make it a priority, with a smile on your face.
5. Keep cooking. Take notes. Don't be afraid to try new things.
6. Work on giving digital photos a new lease on life off the hard drive and in the cloud. Sharing is caring.
7. Pare down possessions. Stuff for the sake of stuff isn't worth much.
8. Tell, and show, the ones you love that you do. Letters, cards, poems, pictures- all good ways to do more of #1 and #3 too.
9. Follow through on all promises. Cause that's the kinda chick you are.
10. Last but never least, don't rely on anyone else to tell you you're smart or beautiful or worth it. Ever ever.
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