What Do I Think?

That's the questions I decided to tackle today.

I believe I tend to think about myself, like most people, but I also have an awareness of the people around me. I think about things that are going on in my life. I think about the people I care about. I think about money, how I'm going to save it, how I'm going to spend it, how I'm going to make it all work. I think about the things I need to get. I think about the things in my house I have to clean. I think about the food I've eaten today. I think about the food in my fridge, and what I will cook with it, and when. I think about work that I have to do. I think about how I will fill my days. I think about when I will work out. I think about when I'm going to see my friends or my family. I think about upcoming plans. I try to think through how things are going to work out on certain busy days. I try to think ahead to things I need to figure out.

I think a lot about building my future with Dylan, and what that will look like someday. I think about what our family will be like. I think about what our house will look like. I think about how in love we are now, and about how we're trying to foster that love every day to keep it alive and healthy.

I think a lot about things when I'm talking to other people. People can bring out deep thoughts in me, like how we're all connected, how we can better help the world, and how our society is both growing and changing all the time. I don't think about such big things on my own usually.

Reading makes me think too. I love reading novels and magazines, because they make me think in different ways. Magazines like Philadelphia make me think about the city I live in, and all of the things I don't know about it. And all of the restaurants I want to try! Magazines like Vogue or Vanity Fair make me think about people I'll never meet and places I might never go to. It makes me think about how my life would be different if I were more privileged or had been born into a different family. It makes me think about how I might be more driven or more creative or more successful if I had had a different upbringing, if I had been pushed more, encouraged more, or afforded more opportunity.

But I do think a lot about the opportunity I was afforded. I think about how lucky I am to have two parents who are still together that love me and each other and my brother so much, that they'd give us anything they can. I think about my parents a lot, and how much I love them and want them to be happy. I think that if I ever won the lottery how I'd buy them a new house and get one of those fancy professional organizers to go through all of their stuff and make it manageable. I think about all the trips we'd take as a family, and about how I'd make sure they lived out the rest of their lives as comfortable as they'd ever been.

I think about what I can do for them in the meantime, without winning the lottery. I think that if I'm able to show them through phone calls, cards, letters and visits that I care about them and want to be in their lives even though I'm far away, then they'll know how much I love them. I think that telling people you love them is one of the most important things. I think saying it to friends is important, even if you're drunk. I think that making sure people know that you care about them is imperative in having relationships.

I think that being with Dylan has taught me a lot about loving and living as someone's partner. I think about him a lot, and how I can make him happy. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about his birthday, and our anniversary, and how I can make them special for him. I think about all the birthdays and anniversaries to come, and I want them all to be special.

I think about so many things, many of them revolving around my life and the things I do, but I guess that's natural. I've always considered myself a thoughtful person, I try hard to be one now. And I hope I always will think, when making decisions, when letting ideas marinate, when reading, when riding the train, when making people happy, when doing work. I hope I never stop thinking hard about the world, but sometimes, it's good to let go a bit and not think so hard. I hope I can embrace that too!