The Time I Stress Ate Cupcakes

This is a simple story. One with a beginning, middle and an end. It does not have many characters or plot twists. But it makes me laugh. It all started when I woke up and realized I'd left my computer charger in Buena, NJ...

I had spent the night at a friend's house in Buena, NJ, about an hour and 15 minute drive from my house in Bryn Mawr, PA. I immediately decided I had to drive there and pick up the charger. It's my only one. And I am kind of connected to this computer like mothers are connected to their unborn children. So naturally, since my digital umbilical cord was stretched 60 miles across 2 states, I needed to go retrieve the laptop charger.

On the 6% of battery I had left, I looked up directions and transcribed them into a tiny notebook I had handy. My roommate and her Mom had baked about 48 cupcakes to test several recipes for vanilla cake, so I decided to bring some to my friend's family, since I was going there anyway. I grabbed a plate, stacked a few on it (7 to be exact) and bid my roommate a fond farewell, taking her car keys, my tiny notebook, my phone and the plate of cupcakes.

About 15 minutes into my drive, I hadn't even made it into Philadelphia yet, and my friend Susan called me. We began chatting. Not just chit chat about friends, but real serious chats about eating disorders (OH IF WE ONLY KNEW WHAT WAS TO COME), body image, love and life. We kept chatting as I merged onto the highway that goes through Center City Philadelphia and as I drove over the bridge. I am not sure if it is illegal to talk on the phone in Pennsylvania while driving, but I was doing it with gusto. I didn't really feel hampered until I had crossed the bridge into New Jersey at 45 mph and saw about 13 signs, all with different arrows.

Staying on the phone with Susan, but getting very worked up about where I was going, I piloted the car onto the left-most road. I think it said something about Atlantic City. I knew Buena was on the way to AC. This felt safe. My directions then said the road I was on would turn into Route 42. I drove, while talking to Susan, and drove some more...but no Route 42. I began to get increasingly anxious.

I told Susan I needed to go. She bid me good luck.

I screeched the tires right off the highway at the nearest exit and tried to navigate back to the opposite side of the road. I made it, but was hoping on a wing and a prayer that it would take me back to the bridge. It was then I felt I needed a cupcake.

I wasn't hungry. I wasn't light-headed. I wasn't actually in the mood to eat at all fifteen minutes prior. There was just something about getting lost that directly translated in my head to:

PUT A CUPCAKE IN YOUR MOUTH AND SWALLOW.

So I did. I ate a cupcake in about 2 bites. AND THEN I ATE ANOTHER ONE.

I partially blame the ease of eating two cupcakes in one minute on their lack of wrappers. Had they had wrappers, I wouldn't have so easily been able to pop them in my mouth. But I did. And I won't lie, they were very tasty cupcakes.

But I then had to call my best friend Bob and tell him that under the gun of getting lost, I ate two cupcakes for no reason other than being anxious. He told me to get the hell off the phone, concentrate on driving and not to eat any more cupcakes. I obliged.

I ended up making it to Buena. I got my cord with no problem. I even had a plate of 5 cupcakes to give my friend's family. AND THEY NEVER KNEW THERE WERE SEVEN TO BEGIN WITH.

Only you know that. You, me, the internet, and Bob. And those poor, poor cupcakes. Who were meant to live a life of giftdom and instead died a fiery death of stress-induced-eating. But I think they served their purpose.

Maybe without eating two cupcakes, I would have clawed my eyes out or punched a hole in the window. Who KNOWS what other forms stress can take if not through eating? The next time you stand at the counter, shoving pretzels into your mouth at the end of a stressful day, be glad you're not kicking your dog. Or ripping off your screen door. We're saving lives here, people. Don't ever forget it.